DS(8) strange obsession

[Namechangelar]

Okay so I’ve NC for this as very outing, but I’d like some opinions about my son and where I should draw the line and possibly some suggestions as to why my son is like this.

My DS is nearly 8 and for some time he has had an obsession with things that are very old. He loves history, but this is next level. For Christmas he asked Santa for an old oil painting similar to one we had seen in a charity shop. We thought he’d forget about it as what kid wants one of those, but he went on about it for weeks until we were at the point of we can’t not get it because it would ruin Christmas! He is nearly 8 ffs!

What concerns us is that this isn’t the first odd gift, he got some money for Christmas and now has a collection of thimbles and old carriage clocks, prior that he has bought items such as an old mirror and and old trinket box. My grandpas house is more modern than his bedroom so it’s not like this is a role model scenario, but the place looks like an old girls house clearance.

He is into “normal” 8 year old boy things too, Lego, wrestlers, reading books etc but this year for his birthday he has asked for an old carpet and I just cannot deal. These are not normal requests and whilst I thought I’d be very much you like what you like, I’m not seeing the no fucks side because I feel it’s a pattern of strange behaviour and I don’t know how to deal with the situation the best.

I can’t take him into charity shops without him wanting to look through all the knickknack crap, it’s painful, he begs me to let him spend his money on a porcelain dog and a pocket watch! It’s not even old cars etc, just pure crap.

We are lucky to have a large living area so when friends come to play they don’t have to see his room and I feel awful for even saying that, but I don’t want him to be bullied at school just for liking all this old toot! Is this just a phase he will grow out of or could there be something underlying here? As time goes on I think it’s more than just being an old soul, he wouldn’t be bothered if I said no clubs or tv if he was naughty, but if I took the flipping oil painting away for a week I think he’d feel that was the biggest punishment from the above.

Any suggestions MN?

He sounds fine to me and has interesting taste. My daughter has an oil painting complete with gold frame that she picked in a charity shop when she was six. She’s nearly seventeen now and it’s still got pride of place on her wall. Not all kids are into the same stuff.

He sounds wonderful! To collect such interesting items and a fascination with history is lovely, surely? My ASD 8 year old has an obsession with safes. At the top of his Xmas list this year was a particular combination safe and there is another one on his birthday list. He also likes other items that I would consider unusual for an 8 year old. However, I love his quirkiness and quite happily encourage it. He also loves a charity shop trawl. I think you should support him in this! What a wonderful little lad

@TheVanguardSix

That's a lovely message you posted.

Better than a load of plastic unicorn shit!

He sounds fun! I’d be chuffed he has such an interesting hobby! Talk to him about the stuff and why he likes it, you may become interested yourself !

If this was my child, I would certainly encourage and even join him in this hobby. What is so strange about being fascinated with antique objects and history? Why do his interests baffle you and why do you think they are out of the norm? You are one lucky mom OP, nothing here to worry about💐

Ah, bless him @Namechangelar - he sounds amazing!

Quite similar to my 9 yr old, who is also history obsessed, but collects facts rather than things - we can't have a conversation without him telling me something about the Tudors and Stewarts at the moment. Usually something gross. Some people don't 'get' him, but their loss - he's mega.

The fact that your boy also loves lego and wrestling etc, goes to clubs, suggests he has a wide range of interests, so he sounds just great to me! Relax and embrace his quirky little soul.

Apart from the manky old carpet. Nope to the carpet beetles. How about a nice vintage style rug? NEXT even do some you might get away with.

Its great that he is an individual and not blindly following whatever cartioon his peers are into. This shows great strength of character, you should be proud of his little personality and quirks, hopefully it also means he won't be a sheep when he's older too (smoking because everyone else is etc)

I think this is a fantastic interest for a child to have! I'd be encouraging it.

Get him watching Bargain Hunt and Antiques Roadshow, and buy him a copy of Carter's Guide and you could have a dealer on your hands in a few years' time. Or an art historian, or someone into curating.

Re the rug, old and oriental rugs often go for pretty small sums at auctions. If you google autction houses in your area, you'll be able to view lots that will be sold at upcoming auctions, and see what's coming up. A lot of auction houses publish the estimates as well, so you could maybe find something affordable and small to go in his room.(Auctioneer - that's another possible career for him!)

I once spent a fascinating hour or so in the oriental carpet department in Libertys. I was browsing to kill time between work appointments, and got chatting to one of their staff who was happy to explain the meanings behind the different patterns, why different regions have different styles and so on. And he showed me how to assess the quality of a rug, too.

And you could take him along to an auction. They're quite interesting imo. We went to one last weekend, DP had never been before and found it fascinating. (I, on the other hand, found it frustrating - the chairs I wanted went for 4 x the estimate).

I think buying old stuff is going to become more and more popular as become more environmentally aware. Why go and spend fortunes on something mass-produced from modern materials and shipped halfway round the world when you can often get something craftsman made from a tree that would have died of old age by now, and often for a lot less money?

Having said that, on a bad day my house does bear a slight resemblance to Catweazle's cave.

My dgc love to hear about my 'past'. In the same ways as they get obsessed about dinosaurs and the big bang. I'm not actually that old but I think it gives them a sense of their 'place' in time, something of a continuum of life, that 'old' things were once a part of another human's existence and experience. Who played with these? Who used these? Did they not have electricity?

I think that is a great quality to encourage.

I'm afraid like pp say this is a you problem.

It's really not ok to cause an issue with your sons interest because of some wierd perceived "normal" issue. Surely your sons happiness is more important than what others think of you?

As well I would think most rational people would be pleased you were encouraging him to take an interest in what makes him happy?

How is it painful to let him look in charity shops? If you are really that anxious about it then I would say you need some level of support.

Plenty of kids would want to be mates with your son OP. Just let him get on with it. I would draw the line at the carpet too.

This isn’t his first life. He’s collecting things that remind him of a previous life. Ask him who he was last time he was here, and it’ll probably all slot into place.

Alternatively - stop taking it so seriously and just let him be who he is!

This isn’t his first life. He’s collecting things that remind him of a previous life. Ask him who he was last time he was here, and it’ll probably all slot into place.

No, he's collecting things he likes.

This isn’t his first life. He’s collecting things that remind him of a previous life. Ask him who he was last time he was here, and it’ll probably all slot into place.

Now that would be a strange thing to ask an 8 year old child!

He is lovely and nothing to stifle or be ashamed of at all. This is your perception of normal being imposed on him.

Lots of kids get obsessed with odd things, some kids can name every train in Thomas Tank Engine, some collect hair bows, others fossils, each to their own.

This isn’t his first life. He’s collecting things that remind him of a previous life. Ask him who he was last time he was here, and it’ll probably all slot into place

No, please dont do this, its making something weird out of something very, very normal. Just because people have interests that aren't the norm doesnt mean there is something weirdly spiritual going on. People have different interests. Thats it. Making it into some creepy "youve lived before" thing will just take him feel more self conscious about it.
As Freud once said said, sometimes a cigar is JUST a cigar.

Your child sounds lovely and like they know their own mind - an intellectual quality to be fostered and admired.

Your son sounds brilliant, it’s great that he so I interested in history. He sounds quirky, nothing wrong with that. Why are you so worried about him ? You should be teaching him to be proud of who he is.

Nothing wrong here at all.

Why would you want your DS to be a carbon copy of everyone else?

When I was about 10 I had an obsession with all things 1940s (we had been doing a lot about WW2 at school). I used to like the clothing styles and DM would get me things from that era from charity shops, most of which I’ve still got (Bakelite clock, box camera, typewriter, Ration Book, rotary telephone, books, comics, Enid Blyton stuff, old bottles and food tins, posters, coins etc)

I wasn’t bullied.

Leave him be!

It seems like you are concerned in some way, which I don’t get, some people just like weird stuff, I can totally understand you not wanting to buy strange gifts such as an old carpet and not wanting to waste money, I get that, my daughter loves note books!! She buys them all the time and it pisses me off because what the hell does she need them for, she doesn’t really write in them lol but it makes her happy so I just pick my battles but I don’t think it’s concerning behaviour?!

Why don’t you let him have one cabinet space in his room and encourage him . If it gets full he has to ebay a few things and make himself some pocket money

My (now 9) 8 year old started collecting glass bells last year. She started wanting any of them, but we've gone through what a 'collectable' might be and she's now looking out for ones with the maker etched in them. These are not toys that she wants to ring, but things to be put on a shelf for me to dust. She also bought an original furby in its case, knowing it was for resale later to make a profit with her birthday money.

I've been buying and selling vintage jewellery (mostly 1960-1980s) on Etsy for the past 2 years - a very small 'shop' while I took a MA, but now expanding gently. It started after I found a pair of earrings I bought while at college are now worth a few pounds and are 'vintage' oh god when did I turn Vintage? and yes I now have an obsession there - but what the heck is wrong with that?

It's normal to get hooked on an interest. My Dad's was stamps, my childhood/20s obsession was Star Trek and I have loads of card collections/books and old stuff from that in the loft. Having an inner nerd about your niche is a lovely comforting thing. And your DS' sounds amazing, unique and interesting.

If it helps OP, some of my most treasured possessions are some old things left behind in the house I moved into as a child. I've never thought about this before, but I have an old framed cross stitch sampler which has always had pride of place in whichever bedroom I have been in, an old engraving, a lockable box, and a china ornament. All 'tat' left behind in a house 50 years ago, treasured by me nearly all my life. I have collected other old stuff along the way. I would still rather be given something from an antique shop than the most up to date technology. (I wish dh would understand this!) I have never been into collecting things for a collection's sake, but I remember a school friend of mine had the most stunning collection of glass bottles when he was 10. I dont think your son is that unusual. Oh and i am most definitely an ordinary person, just with a love for the past.

an intellectual quality to be fostered and admired.

Agreed. I can remember my parents bought a computer when I was 10 (think ZX81 era). Why they bought it I don't know, but I became obsessed with it, not games as such, but programming, I couldn't leave it alone. I think they thought it strange but left me to it and did get me new computers. I started to make friends who had the same interest and as time went on i learnt more and more about software and programming. They took me a lot more seriously when back in the 80s me and a friend wrote some games that were published. It certainly made them think then.

Programming and IT has been my career for the last 30 years, so my early obsession has landed me in a very well paid job.

Encourage him, you never know what it may lead to.