DS(8) strange obsession

[Namechangelar]

Okay so I’ve NC for this as very outing, but I’d like some opinions about my son and where I should draw the line and possibly some suggestions as to why my son is like this.

My DS is nearly 8 and for some time he has had an obsession with things that are very old. He loves history, but this is next level. For Christmas he asked Santa for an old oil painting similar to one we had seen in a charity shop. We thought he’d forget about it as what kid wants one of those, but he went on about it for weeks until we were at the point of we can’t not get it because it would ruin Christmas! He is nearly 8 ffs!

What concerns us is that this isn’t the first odd gift, he got some money for Christmas and now has a collection of thimbles and old carriage clocks, prior that he has bought items such as an old mirror and and old trinket box. My grandpas house is more modern than his bedroom so it’s not like this is a role model scenario, but the place looks like an old girls house clearance.

He is into “normal” 8 year old boy things too, Lego, wrestlers, reading books etc but this year for his birthday he has asked for an old carpet and I just cannot deal. These are not normal requests and whilst I thought I’d be very much you like what you like, I’m not seeing the no fucks side because I feel it’s a pattern of strange behaviour and I don’t know how to deal with the situation the best.

I can’t take him into charity shops without him wanting to look through all the knickknack crap, it’s painful, he begs me to let him spend his money on a porcelain dog and a pocket watch! It’s not even old cars etc, just pure crap.

We are lucky to have a large living area so when friends come to play they don’t have to see his room and I feel awful for even saying that, but I don’t want him to be bullied at school just for liking all this old toot! Is this just a phase he will grow out of or could there be something underlying here? As time goes on I think it’s more than just being an old soul, he wouldn’t be bothered if I said no clubs or tv if he was naughty, but if I took the flipping oil painting away for a week I think he’d feel that was the biggest punishment from the above.

Any suggestions MN?

Thank you @Chipmonkeypoopoo I completely understand as I wasn’t clear in my OP. I want to remain firm in both scenarios, but I think I would have more understanding as to why he has got to that point.

I know it’s more understood now, but it sticks in my mind that an old colleague of mine (before I had my own children) has a child on the spectrum and would always feel judged as a bad mum who couldn’t control her child. On the outside he appeared naughty, but in reality was overstimulated and had a sensory overload. It doesn’t bother me about how people judge me, but with children it’s personal. Maybe I’m guilty of sometimes treating as a naughty child rather than one that cannot help it and I think if I knew it was SEN I would make more of an allowance.

Well, you're doing the right thing in pushing for referral. I did think from your op that he sounds a little, erm, "quirky", but the other behaviours you've subsequently mentioned do look as though there is something more going on. Your description of his behaviours in school and at home is similar to the way some children with neuro-diverse conditions present, such as the impulsiveness, rigidity of thought and behaviour.

I think you're right to persist with setting boundaries with disruptive behaviours - I wouldn't let my dc get away with making personal remarks, especially if they are insulting ones. It's understood that some behaviours can't be controlled but I do think it's right to try. There are a lot of books aimed at helping non-NT children work on their social skills, as they don't pick up on these just be seeing others modelling them. It does depend on the child individually though, some do learn eventually after a lot of intervention, some never get it.

He’s been here before!

But even if he hasn’t, he sounds like a really interesting child. An individual, and not afraid to be one, in a world where everyone wants to fit a very narrow social norm. Good for him OP. This is something to be nurtured not discouraged.

Fascinating, take him to museums and nurture this.

Your son sounds ace. Pleeeeeease so not discourage his passions he is atill to young to have his dreams crushed. I like that he doesnt appear to give a damn. Good on him.

He’s just a next antiques dealer!
I know tonnes of antique dealers who were collecting at that age.
Nothing wrong with that.

@Namechangelar - when I read your first post I thought ASD but didn't want to diagnose. My autistic DS is also very particular about his things being moved and it can cause huge meltdowns. I don't touch his things now and he cleans himself but he is 12. But maybe get your son involved in cleaning his treasures so they aren't moved out of place.

For his 8th birthday my grandson wanted a huge china Buddha which he saw in an antique shop. His parents tried to persuade him out of it. He kept going back to look and eventually they took him into the shop. It was priced a little more than all his money but the lady let him have it as she had seen him looking. Celebrate your son’s interests he could have a fascinating career ahead of him.

Much more interesting than the pens and keyrings I collected at that age. Leave him to it, poor kid

It’s not unusual for children of that age to have deep interests in various things. I remember mine being dolphins and I could tell you just about everything there was to know about dolphins 🐬 I collected all manor of dolphin based paraphernalia. My husband collected stamps from all over the world. I think something sparked his interest in history and now he wants to surround himself with things of historic value. I think he sounds amazing!

So what? Get him books about antiques so that he can identify authentic items and tell their age. Nuture his interest rather than crush it

Your son sounds amazing! I do understand your worry though,as it is very outside the norm for your typical 8 year old, and though an interest is healthy an obsession is not. Have you tried getting him interested in sports/cubs or anything like that?

I was this child.. my granny used to take me in while she bought books. I had weird furry broaches n all sorts of ornamenty bits that weren’t anything like cabbage patch dolls or furby’s. No one gave a shiny shit. Besides my granny.. who still has the 15 small lamb ornaments and teddy lamb that I gave her from my thrift hauls.

15 lambs because she said the first one was nice.. she also told me they were like 10p each and she was the one financing my hobby, so effectively she bought her self 15 surprise lambs for the princely sum of £1.50 over a few months .

The only thing that’s came of it is a love for a bargain. She still remarks I don’t pay full price for anything lol.

My 8 year old collects dead things, I throw them away, dead bugs, dead spiders, loves a dead bird, my 7 year old sounds a lot like your son, loves a pocket watch, a weird old oil painting, freaky looking statue things, I just don't worry about it, he has friends round, so does the dead thing collector, no ones ever said anything about either weird obsession.
Ps. The dead thing collector has never, and won't ever, kill anything, she loves animals and likes to look at them under a microscope, dead things stay still!

So he doesn’t conform to what society deems ‘normal’, it doesn’t mean he is abnormal. He’s not afraid to like what he likes and that’s amazing. I’m not religious...not a tiny bit, my DD who’s now 10 asked at 8 to go to church. Fast forward and she’s chosen to be baptised and confirmed. It doesn’t fit my ‘norm’ or interests but I have learned about it for her. It hasn’t changed my opinion but I’ll support her choice and I’m so proud of her for being herself. Support your son that’s our main job.

Most kids that age like to collect. YOU don't have to like it, but it's fun for him. I used to collect fans. I had them all on my wall. Then I moved on to wicker ornaments (not sure what else to call them!). It's fun for him that's all. Let him collect. But do say no if it's things there isn't room for!
Don't put a dampner on it

Let him be who he is! My ds (12) loves collecting fossils and is pretty obsessed. He will spend hours looking for them, and displays them proudly in his room. Personally I think it’s great that he’s not confirming to social norms - none of his friends are into fossils & I think it makes him more interesting 😂

I think he sounds COOL! I’d love to go shopping with him 👍🏻

He sounds lovely. My youngest who is 10 is a magpie too. He's collected all sorts of things and takes pleasure in random finds, rocks, costume jewellery, gyroscopes... He has collected coins stamps, rocks, elastic bands... When the interest in something in particular wanes we find a nice box for it and put it away. It's lovely. Just encourage him and enjoy his perspective on life!

Oh and we can't move for China cats and cat paperweights too...

Hi, after reading your update about his obsessive interest and concerning behaviour in school , I am wondering if he may be on the autistic spectrum and/or have ADHD. My son is on the spectrum and had many worrying outbursts in primary school ( he is now at a special school and doing ok.) He is obsessed with Roblox and minecraft and thinks everyone else should be. He struggled with social interaction and authority in school too. Might be worth having a chat with your school SENCO and teachers and see if they think he needs a referral.

Being a hoarder might be an issue, but liking and collecting old things isn't. Sounds really interesting - but then I was obsessed with all things victorian when I was a child, including dressing very 'victorian-y.' I later studied History! Maybe you have a future Mary Beard - sound well cool! Don't be embarrassed, be interested and encouraging.

My son (now 10) would say its not old its vintage! He was always picking up crap like 100 year old cigar cases from charity shops he’d visit with my Mum, its got less as hes got a bit older. It made him happy!

My sister collected thimbles growing up she had tonnes, I believe she still has them but tucked away in storage these days.

DM was a throwaway culture, minimalist person
Turned me into a collector/hoarder!
I was forced to de clutter regularly even treasured items
I started collecting antiques at 17 when I left home and haven’t stopped since!

So what he’s not like his peers? It’s cool to be different I collected stamps, liked thimbles and enjoyed trying to knit. I also rode horses, sailed and have a cool career now. My parents supported me. We went to flea markets and I bought random crap (I wouldn’t now I hate excessive crap in the house which serves little purpose). The right friends will gravitate it’s not about the life you want for him, it’s about what he wants for himself and he’s developing his character. Show him support.