DS(8) strange obsession

[Namechangelar]

Okay so I’ve NC for this as very outing, but I’d like some opinions about my son and where I should draw the line and possibly some suggestions as to why my son is like this.

My DS is nearly 8 and for some time he has had an obsession with things that are very old. He loves history, but this is next level. For Christmas he asked Santa for an old oil painting similar to one we had seen in a charity shop. We thought he’d forget about it as what kid wants one of those, but he went on about it for weeks until we were at the point of we can’t not get it because it would ruin Christmas! He is nearly 8 ffs!

What concerns us is that this isn’t the first odd gift, he got some money for Christmas and now has a collection of thimbles and old carriage clocks, prior that he has bought items such as an old mirror and and old trinket box. My grandpas house is more modern than his bedroom so it’s not like this is a role model scenario, but the place looks like an old girls house clearance.

He is into “normal” 8 year old boy things too, Lego, wrestlers, reading books etc but this year for his birthday he has asked for an old carpet and I just cannot deal. These are not normal requests and whilst I thought I’d be very much you like what you like, I’m not seeing the no fucks side because I feel it’s a pattern of strange behaviour and I don’t know how to deal with the situation the best.

I can’t take him into charity shops without him wanting to look through all the knickknack crap, it’s painful, he begs me to let him spend his money on a porcelain dog and a pocket watch! It’s not even old cars etc, just pure crap.

We are lucky to have a large living area so when friends come to play they don’t have to see his room and I feel awful for even saying that, but I don’t want him to be bullied at school just for liking all this old toot! Is this just a phase he will grow out of or could there be something underlying here? As time goes on I think it’s more than just being an old soul, he wouldn’t be bothered if I said no clubs or tv if he was naughty, but if I took the flipping oil painting away for a week I think he’d feel that was the biggest punishment from the above.

Any suggestions MN?

Ermmm yeah YABU. He’s into LEGO but also old antique stuff. Why does this matter at all? Let him be who he is. You sound embarrassed by his unusual interests.

OP - you are being very mean about you’re own son, labelling him and putting him in a ‘box’, sayings he’s ‘strange’ - you should be ashamed of yourself! He sounds great, and has a curiosity about different things. Just because you don’t like it don’t be so bloody rude about it. This is your own son for gods sake!

Id stick on some old series of Lovejoy and then I'd look into some sensible researched collecting. But I'd set some parameters. It should be things that will not loose value, take up to much space, be easily breakable or whatever. Clearly stamps is an obvious one but not sexy.

Sounds like your really incapable of looking outside the square and accepting what You think is normal
I think it is so sad your attitude towards your sons interests in good quality crap" or whatever you choose to call it.
I think it's you who wants a normal" child whatever that means to you.
Tell your son with more interesting and diverse people we hope so he can be himself not what you think he should be.
That kids going to grow up interesting while you worry about conforming.

He sounds great.
It is an age when children collect things. His interest in history ties in with what he buys. I wouldn’t worry. He would like Horrible Histories at his age. Lots of kids his age like history. We took our class to Hadrian’s Wall a few years ago and they went mad for the topic on Romans absolutely loved it but one boy stood out from the rest and continued to love history.
Maybe you son will become an antique dealer or a history teacher. Does he watch Antiques Roadshow?

Haha he sounds brilliant.

I'd be proud of him. Get him to buy and sell he might make a fortune.

Who wants to be normal anyway.

Swap old stuff with pokemon cards, would you still have the same issue?

OP I felt kind of sad for your son reading that. Your clear embarrassment of your sons choices will be felt by him and it will be shaping how he sees himself. Tread carefully OP, if you make a big issue out of this it could really damage your relationship with him. I think you need to have a look in to why you see this as such a big issue and stop projecting it on to your son. He sound quirky and fabulous, embrace him.

Your tone is rather unpleasant OP, your son sounds like an interesting child. I used to collect crap as a youngster. I think it's a perfectly normal phase.

I think its wonderful and would encourage it.
I understand what you are saying about social norm and his friends, but to discourage him would be cruel and make him very unhappy.
He sounds a really bright young kid.

You sound like a really unpleasant person and incredibly judgemental of a pretty common hobby. I'm struggling to see what is wrong with your son's interests. He sounds fascinating to me and I'd love to take him shopping. Would much rather potter about in junk shops than buy plastic tat in Toys R Us or wherever sells plastic tat these days.

I think he sounds great.

Pretty much everything new is soulless crap. All these old things he likes have texture, smell, history and character, he sounds like he's figured out the real pleasures in life early on to me.

Presumably you have taken him to the V&A, Tate and National Portrait Gallery andcare going to join the National Trust, signed up for auction house catalogues and helped him to research collectables and their history.

Hopefully you will seek a secondary with a strong art and history of art provision. I imagine he would love the Greek and Roman myths.

The carpet: no unless specialist cleaners are involved they harbour moth and carpet beetle larvae and I'd be very up front about that.

Get him to research the ivory trade and how the law is applied.

He sounds marvellous. Feed the interest and nurture his intellect. Support him to go well.

I have a similar "weird" son. He has never been interested in toys. His thing is gadgets, science and tech. For his 5th birthday he asked for a laminator!

I love his interests and do my best to encourage. I work in a tech field so I am able to guide him. Its hard though as most things are not suitable or catered to young kids. But with a lot of searching I have managed to find suitable courses, days out, etc.

Please embrace his interests. Take him to museums where he can see old stuff, some YouTube videos on history etc. You could do a charity shop day where you visit as many charity shops as possible to find the oldest thing you can find. This can be really fun and you never know, he might be an amazing historian one day.

As pp, i find it strange how strange you find it.

I loved random old things, still do. Scouring a charity shop or car boot sale is genuinely enjoyable to me. Of course my tastes refined as i got older, but i still have some childhood purchases which i love as much as ever - a victorian globe, a 1920s teapot. I also have a first in a history-related degree, and my family have never made me feel odd for my interests.

It might help to unpack why you dislike it? Are you worried he will be bullied/ostracised because he has an unusual interest? Are you worried it’s an effeminate (ie gay) past time? (You mention it looks like an “old girl’s house clearance”, and that you wouldn't mind so much if it was “old cars”). Are you worried because you think it is obsessive behaviour, indicative of the autistic spectrum or OCD or bi-polar? None of these seem likely, btw, based on the info you’ve provided - he just likes what he likes and if his friends like him the chances are they already embrace that side of him. Mine did, just as i loved them and their odd interests.

My son is 5 and is in love with teapots. I also cannot take him into charity shops for the same reason. However, maybe see try and see your sons "toot" as toys? Set up his own little shop. His friends would love that!

Hi OP.

I was that boy too, and I suspect that my parents had the same concerns, or at least puzzlement.

I just liked old stuff. It was often better-made, more beautiful, and they gave me a sense of history. I also collected various things, and still have one of those collections.

It's given me a life-long interest in history and archaeology.

Also, I'm married with kids, mortgage, professional job with salary etc, so I daresay I turned out fine.

It was seen by my peers at school as odd. It meant I didn't have the happiest time, so please support your son and let him know you regard his interests as positive.

Also remember that the UK is one of the best countries in the world for 'old stuff'!

I hope it has been reassuring for you, OP, to hear from so many that the behavior is not so unusual as you had thought.

Just to add that my parents very wisely just let me get on with it and didn't try to direct my interest. If I wanted to go to an antiques fair or an old building they took me. However, they didn't try, for example, to get me to read Tennyson or read any particular history they thought was 'worthy'. It would never have worked with me.

FWIW (and not that this matters) I'm not on the spectrum, and I'm not gay. It is possible for an otherwise completely average bloke to be into things like this, and I do think it's a pity that it can be seen as unmanly.

I also loved watching Lovejoy!

He’s an individual with imagination and curiosity. I would be so proud of him. You would rather he was asking for Minecraft or trainers or something just so he was like everyone else? He sounds like an interesting and intelligent child and I’d be proud that he feels able to ask for what he wants not what he’s told he wants.

Is he the love child of Jacob Rees-Mogg?

Seriously though op, although it is outside of the norm, he does sound great! He'll probably be an amazing history professor or something. I think you do have to support these things. All famous people say things like that don't they. Oh my parents thought I was strange but they were really supportive...

The op bought her son a. Oil painting for Christmas

And yet criticism is heaped on her

Op you have a quirky son. He sounds lovely. Go with it. He will hopefully find a group of friends with similar non mainstream interests and will avoid bullying

If he is bullied - you need to help him deal with then rather than change anything about himself

Good luck

Have you asked him why he likes collecting these things? There may be no underlying reason, I was mad about hovercraft at that age.

Just set some boundaries around what's affordable and how much space there is for what he likes. This goes for any collection of things.

He sounds amazing, I suggest being supportive, I think you're embarrassed by him which is sad.

YABVU. What exactly is the issue here? Why is it “concerning” you?

You’re his parents, you’re meant to be the only people in the world who won’t judge him for who he is, and yet he’s only 8 and you already are. Shape yourself up.