DS(8) strange obsession

[Namechangelar]

Okay so I’ve NC for this as very outing, but I’d like some opinions about my son and where I should draw the line and possibly some suggestions as to why my son is like this.

My DS is nearly 8 and for some time he has had an obsession with things that are very old. He loves history, but this is next level. For Christmas he asked Santa for an old oil painting similar to one we had seen in a charity shop. We thought he’d forget about it as what kid wants one of those, but he went on about it for weeks until we were at the point of we can’t not get it because it would ruin Christmas! He is nearly 8 ffs!

What concerns us is that this isn’t the first odd gift, he got some money for Christmas and now has a collection of thimbles and old carriage clocks, prior that he has bought items such as an old mirror and and old trinket box. My grandpas house is more modern than his bedroom so it’s not like this is a role model scenario, but the place looks like an old girls house clearance.

He is into “normal” 8 year old boy things too, Lego, wrestlers, reading books etc but this year for his birthday he has asked for an old carpet and I just cannot deal. These are not normal requests and whilst I thought I’d be very much you like what you like, I’m not seeing the no fucks side because I feel it’s a pattern of strange behaviour and I don’t know how to deal with the situation the best.

I can’t take him into charity shops without him wanting to look through all the knickknack crap, it’s painful, he begs me to let him spend his money on a porcelain dog and a pocket watch! It’s not even old cars etc, just pure crap.

We are lucky to have a large living area so when friends come to play they don’t have to see his room and I feel awful for even saying that, but I don’t want him to be bullied at school just for liking all this old toot! Is this just a phase he will grow out of or could there be something underlying here? As time goes on I think it’s more than just being an old soul, he wouldn’t be bothered if I said no clubs or tv if he was naughty, but if I took the flipping oil painting away for a week I think he’d feel that was the biggest punishment from the above.

Any suggestions MN?

He's ace. At that age a nonconformist. Going to grow up to know his own mind.
Much rather that than a sheep.
vive la différence

My amazing son was the same!! At 9 he asked for a pocket watch and some medals from a local vintage shop.

He also asked for a letter opener....(it was a no from me)

He's still quirky now

💙💙🤎🤎

he’s the sort of boy i would love toga e a chat with ..
he’s interesting

@BillHadersNewWife thanks, I will!

He sounds ace.
My DH is a retired antiques dealer a d says he was just the same. I must admit he was a bit of a hoarders but eventually, whilst still collecting the odd curiosity, did find a favourite era and subject.
He says take him to Newark antiques fair with a budget and let us know what he chooses!
(I know this is probably not the response that you need!)

Let him be, you sound shallow. Just because you aren’t in to what he is so what? I love it when kids are individuals. My DS loves brass bands, so not your usual kid stuff. I think it’s great, he’s discovering his own tastes.

when I was a kid I collected odd things, bits of bamboo or a piece of wood. Still do! I also made things, they used to have wooden boxes with a piece of wood in the middle for transporting fruit in, I got one off our local greengrocer, turned it on its end and made a shelving unit from it. That was over 50 yrs ago.. sooooo far ahead of my time LOL. I also still make things. Leave him be. He could become an expert.

The way you write about your son is horrible! Let him like what he likes, and support him. My mother used to belittle the stuff I liked and it really affected my relationship with her.

Wonderful interest. Sounds like he would love to look around antiques shops and maybe talk to the staff about the history.

From your first post your concerns were pretty clear that there was something underlying the strength of your sons interests - you sound like you want to support him to be himself but help him learn how to be able to be part of society so boundaries are important and as your later post explains that is more your concern than the topic of your sons interest. Learning how to manage his reactions to other people not following his ideas of how things should work sounds like a a real challenge for both of you. Your concerns sound well founded but also you sound like you will look for ways to support your son and help him still be himself. Good luck - some of the ideas about encouraging him to research antiques are good - my son (asd but with learning diffs so not like your boy) loves encyclopaedias and the Internet- he researches all his interests ( Beano, animators, films, authors) and I’m not allowed to throw out any books so we turned a wall of his room into a library!

I think your son sounds amazing. I think YABU and I hope you are not letting your son know how you feel about his interests.

Much better buying these knick-knacks than having to listen to your son whine for an awful Ryan mystery egg that costs a million pounds and contains plastic tat whose novelty will last 30 seconds after discovery and then ends up in a landfill somewhere at best.

As some of the other posters have said, embrace his hobby. History is awesome and he might love to learn the story behind the collectables that fascinate him.

Also teaching him that it's good to like things that others don't and to be his own person and not just following the lastest fad makes him a stronger rounded person

He sounds brilliant. And much better than buying new plastic crap than most children love.

Have to admit to not reading the full thread but have read all your posts, OP. Sorry if I repeat anything that's already been said.
Firstly, I'm no expert but it sounds as though your DS may have some additional needs and I hope he (and you) get the answers and support you need at the school.
What I really just wanted to add is that I was very interested in history and archaeology as a child (still am really - I just bought a bunch of vintage books because I think they're cool) and I really enjoyed a series of books called My Story. They are all written in a diary-like style but each one is a separate story with different characters and based in different historical time periods. So he might enjoy reading them. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Story_(Scholastic_UK)
In regards to your worries around him 'fitting in', you could also look into whether there's a branch of the Young Archaeologists' Club (YAC) near you (I'm assuming you're in the UK, apologies if not but there might be something similar elsewhere). I used to attend this and am now a leader at my local branch. All the kids that go are really enthusiastic and passionate about history and archaeology and we get quite a few with additional needs such as ASD and everyone fits in and gets on - you might well find your DS finds 'his people' there!

OP - could you get a “unit” in his room, like a large sideboard with shelves and drawers then he could keep his “things” tidy and on display. If you are near a Heart Foundation charity shop, they have many at a reasonable price, as I am sure other charity shops do. Find a library book for him to read that writes about Collectors Items and encourage a theme. Tell him about germs in old things (carpets) that cannot be easily cleaned and get shoe boxes that can be labelled. Tell him if he wants to collect things, he has to keep them tidy and organised.

Boys have collected for ever, think stamps, comics, conkers, books - he just needs to look after his things. Maybe having to clean and tidy his collection will limit what he wants to keep.

Refreshing, take him to antique fairs and look for some old Lovejoy episodes 😆

He sounds like my brother. He has always preferred the company of a generation older than him. He is quirky and interesting. He likes to wear a 3 piece suit with fob watch on a chain and those stretchy metal arm bands over his shirt sleeves. His house is full of very old furniture, clocks, mirrors and generally looks like the home of someone in their 70s. He is late 30s. There are ornaments and figurines and original paintings in fancy gold frames. I wouldn't have him any other way!