DS(8) strange obsession

[Namechangelar]

Okay so I’ve NC for this as very outing, but I’d like some opinions about my son and where I should draw the line and possibly some suggestions as to why my son is like this.

My DS is nearly 8 and for some time he has had an obsession with things that are very old. He loves history, but this is next level. For Christmas he asked Santa for an old oil painting similar to one we had seen in a charity shop. We thought he’d forget about it as what kid wants one of those, but he went on about it for weeks until we were at the point of we can’t not get it because it would ruin Christmas! He is nearly 8 ffs!

What concerns us is that this isn’t the first odd gift, he got some money for Christmas and now has a collection of thimbles and old carriage clocks, prior that he has bought items such as an old mirror and and old trinket box. My grandpas house is more modern than his bedroom so it’s not like this is a role model scenario, but the place looks like an old girls house clearance.

He is into “normal” 8 year old boy things too, Lego, wrestlers, reading books etc but this year for his birthday he has asked for an old carpet and I just cannot deal. These are not normal requests and whilst I thought I’d be very much you like what you like, I’m not seeing the no fucks side because I feel it’s a pattern of strange behaviour and I don’t know how to deal with the situation the best.

I can’t take him into charity shops without him wanting to look through all the knickknack crap, it’s painful, he begs me to let him spend his money on a porcelain dog and a pocket watch! It’s not even old cars etc, just pure crap.

We are lucky to have a large living area so when friends come to play they don’t have to see his room and I feel awful for even saying that, but I don’t want him to be bullied at school just for liking all this old toot! Is this just a phase he will grow out of or could there be something underlying here? As time goes on I think it’s more than just being an old soul, he wouldn’t be bothered if I said no clubs or tv if he was naughty, but if I took the flipping oil painting away for a week I think he’d feel that was the biggest punishment from the above.

Any suggestions MN?

It's quirky but that really doesn't matter! Have you asked him what he loves about it?

You may be right that it could earn him teasing/bullying at school so be vigilant about it but if he is confident enough to poke gentle fun at himself about it and otherwise gets in with life, I have seen children carry off stranger things that their peers just accept as an amusing quirk of their friend.

It would probably be nice for him to know that his parents support his interest or at least are unconcerned by it - maybe even enthusiastically facilitate it (may have to fake that one!). If say that makes it more likely he'll be confident enough in himself to pull off the scenario above.

Honestly, some parents spend half their lives trying to get their child to take an interest in historical or cultural things; go with it!

He sounds awesome. Don't make him feel different or odd.
What would you rather, he collected plastic tat with brand names?

What about getting him books on old objects/art history etc. Take him to museums and art galleries and feed his interest.

My boy used to be obsessed with digging up old bits of china in the garden (ok public parks weren't safe either). All kids are different.

Wow. I pity you. So desperate to fit in with societal norms. You sound like you're projecting to me.

My DD is 11. She collects thimbles. Has shelves in her room full of old stuff from charity shops and car boot sales. Trinket boxes, cross stitch in frames where they are so old the white cloth is actually yellow. Really ugly (imho) ornaments she has collected over the years. Lots of other stuff.

It's her room. Her friends go in there and nobody has picked on her once. But that's because I've raised her to be a confident person.

I hope your son is t feeling your shame and embarrassment, or you're going to give him issues.

Just get your head outside of what YOU think is 'normal', because you sound like one of the queen bee types who has to have designer clothes and fitting in is the most important thing on earth.

Get a life.

Have you tried talking to him about it and ask him to share his feelings with you about all the things he loves - the ‘toot’ you refer to ?

I'd encourage it. Let him be himself. Talk to him about what he likes. Maybe help him identify what is and isn't valuable - although as a historian I would question that. Old, mass produced 'crap' has its place in telling us about our culture. Listen to this series and you might gain a different perspective www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00nrtd2/episodes/downloads

He may grow out of it. It's harmless, other than the fear of other people picking on him. And whenever adults say that I find myself thinking 'were you one of the shitty kids who picked on other kids for being different?' I mean it's a fairly minimal difference isn't it? If he doesn't grow out of it, a career as a museum curator beckons. Collecting and valuing old things, even those things others overlook, is what curators do and you need that somewhat obsessive drive.

Your son sounds lovely. Please nurture this.

DS who is now 25 has a spare room in his own house full of old treasures (crap). Antique cameras, old bottles, old newspapers, hunting trophies. He used to love to wander round car boot sales buying rubbish which progressed to the antique market.

He has few little bits in his kitchen like a stone jar and bread bin which are nice, but the rest is hideous.

You would never know to look at him, good looking, trendy, decent job, lots of friends, loves rugby, perfectly well adjusted and normal in other ways.

He won’t grow out of it, he will just end up with a bedroom full of it like mine did 😀

You are sneering when you should be celebrating your child’s individuality.

Yabu, your poor kid, he sounds really cool. Dont be embarrassed by him ffs

I was very similar growing up. Instead of children's toys, I would spend pocket money on paintings and antiques. I also loved interior design. I still have both these hobbies today.
Would you mind if the "old toot" were fossils? I really think you need to ease up. You have a child with an interesting hobby.

Maybe he'll become an antique collector? Embrace his individuality

I think he sounds awesome!

You "cannot deal"? Seriously?

He'll end up making a fortune as an antiques dealer !

OP you mention that you see it as part of a pattern of odd behaviour? What else is concerning you?

In all honesty there is nothing concerning about children having obsessions like this, where do you thing the crew of the antique road show started out ?

TBH I find you “finding” it strange and saying you “cannot deal” the strange thing in your post.

I was obsessed with the Second World War when I was around his age - practically lived in the Imperial War Museum, had lots of different war pieces. As I have grown older I have an insatiable thirst for history. It never made me strange.

I actually think it's lovely. When I compare him to my kids who just want endless plastic crap that they'll lose interest in after 5 minutes. I think you should encourage his interest.

I wish my 8yo bought interesting things like thimbles instead of the plastic tat he spends all his money on...
I was a "weird" kid too, collected pottery figures. I don't anymore, but I have a family, jobs and friends, I think your son's going to be just fine .

Wait until he asks to dig ten 1 metre test trenches in your garden.

I think it's lovely but then i also love a charity shop rummage. I wouldn't buy him a carpet though as you don't know where its been and they're not so easily cleaned. Maybe get him a set of little screwdrivers and get him to take apart some of the old clocks and stuff, you could both learn loads about how stuff works.

I think that is pretty. Damn. Cool.

But then I was a weird kid/am a weird adult.

He’d love my neck of the woods, every other shop is an antique shop or as you put it ‘old toot’ shop. I love it!

Sounds great, he's interested in social history. What exactly is the "strange pattern of behaviour" you're so worried about? And just imagine instead of the objects he likes to collect, it was Lego he was obsessed with. You'd be fine with that, wouldn't you? So why not old junk?

You referred to DS as an 'old soul'......so you are trying to ask us if he is a reincarnation or lived some past life??

Just leave him be, let him enjoy his 'stuff'

My son has had for birthday presents
A water butt
A wheelbarrow
A brown weelie bin
A large planted apple tree
😃

Why does this need “dealing with”? This says far more about you and your prejudices than him. What exactly is wrong with him being different? Really think about it, see what thoughts are coming up.

Would you rather he collected Shopkins, or whatever the latest blind bag tat is? Stuff that will be forgotten when the next thing gets advertised. Again, why is that?

He should be able to spend his money as he chooses otherwise what’s the point? Our rules are that as long as it’s not actually inappropriate e.g. breaking age limits (DVD/game) then crack on.

Glad you bought him the painting but I really hope you didn’t show how reluctant you were to do so. That you didn’t try and persuade him he should ask for something more normal, that you weren’t clearly getting him it to stop him “going on about it”.

And let him have his friends in his room. He will have picked up on this too, if you’re guiding them to play elsewhere. Kids are smarter than we think when it comes to knowing what people think of us. Why is his collection a dirty secret that people mustn’t see?

Help him channel this interest, encourage him to learn about the history behind what he loves. Show him you accept his hobby, as at the moment from what you’re saying, it really sounds like he must know you don’t like it (unless you’re hiding your feelings at an Oscar-winning level). Imagine what that’s doing to his self esteem though. Knowing that he’s “wrong” in the eyes of his parent. That’s going to damage him far more than a visiting friend laughing at the old stuff in his bedroom.

Compromise on the old carpet and see i he will agree to a rug than can be dry cleaned.

That would be my only concern. He appears to be showing an interest in social history, which fascinates me. Encourage him to talk about it and learn from it instead of forcing your values and belief of 'what makes a boy' on to him.