Is it reasonable to expect your DP to stop staying out until 5am once you have kids?

[Rafaroo]

Hi all

Just wondering what your opinions are on this. My husband and I are both in our 30's and have a daughter who is 2.5 and a second due in a few weeks. My husband is overall a good guy who is involved in the day to day with the kids and around the house. He also works full time, as do I.
The only thing that bugs me a bit is a couple times a month, (occasionally more) he will go out until 5am with his mates and then not wake up until 1pm or so the following day. I hate this mostly because I think our daughter misses out on time with him and he is not available for any family activities. When he wakes up at 1PM, he has 'breakfast', and then watches football. He never gets dressed and going before 4PM on these days by which time my daughter barely has any time with him before it is time to start thinking about dinner and bed. I also have to say that whilst it has been manageable for me with one child, I am concerned about being up at 5am with a newborn and a toddler whilst he sleeps until after lunch!

Obviously, I get we are still young, and my husband insists that just because we have kids doesn't mean we can't live, but I do feel that once you have kids your lifestyle should change. Staying out until 5am is a single mans game, not a dad's game. I have no problem with him going out, but when I have gone out in the past I am usually home by midnight or 1am the latest. If I ever stayed out until 5am now it would have to be for a very special reason (like my sisters hen do or something). He insists it isn't a problem and he gets mad that I feel irritated by it and says he has every right to let his hair down.

I am asking tonight because he has gone out this evening and I am pretty sure he will be coming back tomorrow morning. Have any of you had to broach this subject with your partners? Am I just being super restrictive?

Thanks!

Hello Posters

Took me a while to read through the comments! Anyway, yes we had a chat on the weekend and whilst he did get defensive as I had predicted, after initially trying to defend himself, he did acknowledge that it must be hard for me to cope with that every other weekend and that he does sleep in 'too late'. I actually did also lightly ask him about drugs and he categorically said he does not do drugs. He said he prefers to drink a nice whisky and just have a laugh. He did look genuinely baffled that I had asked him if he does coke, and as I have never seen him wake up with a runny nose or sniffing after a night out either, I do believe him. He doesn't seem shaky or jittery either which is apparently a sign of coke use, so I have let that theory rest for now.

In terms of going forward, he did agree to cut off his night outs for now to give me time to rest and prepare stuff for the second baby. I was surprised that he just agreed to go cold turkey and I am wondering how long that will last, but we will see. Also he did say 'but that doesn't mean I will never go out, but I agree right now the timing is not great'. Hmmmm..

But then, bizarrely enough he then came to me Sunday night and had tears in his eyes. I was totally freaked out something awful had happened in the family, but he was very emotional because Kobe Bryant the 41 year old basketball player, had just been killed in a helicopter crash with his 13 year old daughter. He must have really been thinking on it because he started saying the most important thing is our family and our kids, and life is so fragile, we have to cherish all our family moments... then he apologised for going out and ignoring my feelings about it and upsetting DD, and said things will change. It was a total surprise to me but as he hadn't been drinking, I am going to choose to believe he actually meant that and hope for the best really! Let's see!

Fingers crossed and good luck OP.

he started saying the most important thing is our family and our kids, and life is so fragile, we have to cherish all our family moments... then he apologised for going out and ignoring my feelings about it and upsetting DD, and said things will change.

So glad he has had this realisation, OP, and that he is going to give you more support at home. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy 🍀💐

Sounds positive OP

Thanks everyone! I appreciate your words and input!

Sounds positive OP and I think it's fair of him to say that doesn't mean he won't go out ever again. He wouldn't be the same person you love if he didn't have that side to him - he just needs to put you first, especially at the moment!

Sounds positive OP I hope it all settles down so you can both have a good mix of family fun and friend fun times, sometimes both together and sometimes solo

Aaaaaw Rafaroo - great update, very pleased for you.

Sounds like he's had a reality check. He might be ready to grow up and prioritise his family now. Great update. X