Is it reasonable to expect your DP to stop staying out until 5am once you have kids?

[Rafaroo]

Hi all

Just wondering what your opinions are on this. My husband and I are both in our 30's and have a daughter who is 2.5 and a second due in a few weeks. My husband is overall a good guy who is involved in the day to day with the kids and around the house. He also works full time, as do I.
The only thing that bugs me a bit is a couple times a month, (occasionally more) he will go out until 5am with his mates and then not wake up until 1pm or so the following day. I hate this mostly because I think our daughter misses out on time with him and he is not available for any family activities. When he wakes up at 1PM, he has 'breakfast', and then watches football. He never gets dressed and going before 4PM on these days by which time my daughter barely has any time with him before it is time to start thinking about dinner and bed. I also have to say that whilst it has been manageable for me with one child, I am concerned about being up at 5am with a newborn and a toddler whilst he sleeps until after lunch!

Obviously, I get we are still young, and my husband insists that just because we have kids doesn't mean we can't live, but I do feel that once you have kids your lifestyle should change. Staying out until 5am is a single mans game, not a dad's game. I have no problem with him going out, but when I have gone out in the past I am usually home by midnight or 1am the latest. If I ever stayed out until 5am now it would have to be for a very special reason (like my sisters hen do or something). He insists it isn't a problem and he gets mad that I feel irritated by it and says he has every right to let his hair down.

I am asking tonight because he has gone out this evening and I am pretty sure he will be coming back tomorrow morning. Have any of you had to broach this subject with your partners? Am I just being super restrictive?

Thanks!

Oh and there are millions upon millions of people who have a few lines on nights out that never become addicts or get to the point where they are snorting before dinner in the family home, and only an idiot would tell their GP they are a recreational drug user

I see my opinion is no longer worthy (I have a real vagina)

So his life shouldn’t change but yours should?!

Gosh.
What’s the medical term for a new arsehole that’s recently been ripped?

What’s the medical term for a new arsehole that’s recently been ripped?

I believe it was a severe case of Rectal Mumsnetitis.

Or as a certain Mansplainer would call it... "Aunt Maud Syndrome".

@BiscuitBarrels @YasssKween
This Aunt Maud sounds like she has a lot of explaining to do. Maybe someone needs to pop into my office & show me, on the doll, exactly where Auntie hurt him.

Op is he super randy the next day? I always know my dh has been at the charlie if he pesters me for sex (with a slightly limp cock). It's vile.

My friend's husband did this every weekend, even when their baby was in SCBU. He's now her ex husband.

Have I come to the right thread to be mansplained at?

@kingkuta

You're completely wrong. When people visit a doctor it is because they believe something is wrong. If you ASK them if they take drugs (because it could be related), they usually disclose. They'll tell you they once had a joint 2 years ago even. This idea that drug users are very secretive about it isn't true when it comes to their health and they are worried. If it is something that they have not instigated then it is different.

The people who do not disclose are abuse victims.

I'd never be misogynistic enough to equate testis with bravery. Obviously you all have some inferiority complex when it comes to gender. It must be sad to think you would be stronger if you were male. My DCI wife doesn't share those archaic views of womanhood. She told me to see what teenagers are dealing with in terms of their fuddy duddy parents and their drug knowledge so I have a better understanding of why these young people feel so isolated from the people who should be their support network. I've seen. It's sad.

@GEEpEe 😂. Do be quiet. You're derailing this thread with your pomposity.

OP hope you are ok.

Er...of course we'd be stronger if we were male (on average). I prescribe reading Caroline Criado Perez's book Invisible Women to be better informed on that and the consequences for e.g. medical trials.

Anyway, back to the thread...

Strange GeePee. It's you and your wife that sound out of touch and the complete lack of understanding of the issues on the thread is astounding for someone that is supposedly involved in drugs work. As is the assumption that none of us have any experience or expertise or that your limited experience trumps anyone else's .

GEEpEe - It must be sad to think you would be stronger if you were male.
Are you are medical doctor? It's just that statement you made, makes me wonder...

• a

In fact virtually every assertion you have made GeePee is utter bullshit and I'd be very very surprised if you were a drugs worker.

I’d be surprised if he/she is a doctor. Most of the ones I know keto their opinions to themselves and only deal in facts at appropriate times

@Rafaroo please ignore the detailing going on.
Are you ok? I hope nothing blew up when you confronted DH after his night out.

Let us know you are ok.

Physically stronger, maybe. Stronger where is counts? Would totally depend on the individual. What is clear here is that we have a group of women who are simultaneously in awe and petrified of men. Petrified I can understand. In awe of our magnificent strength and bravery? Not so much.

Its inconsiderate. Ask him how he would feel if you did it and left him at home. What is he doing until this time? Sounds like a bachelor life to me, I would not like it one bit

What is clear here is that we have a group of women who are simultaneously in awe and petrified of men
What is clear is that you are just a wind up merchant. Either that, or completely deranged/ lacking in basic comprehension skills. Take your pick.

How do you know people on here are women? I mean, you can be anything online - a cokehead, a bellringer, a Nigerian prince, a GP, a DCI, a teenage boy, a deluded wind up merchant . . .

Hi Rafaroo, despite some derailing I hope you have at least found relief in dumping some frustration in a safe space here :) & some insight into the dynamic of sharing the load more fairly at home.

Please don't feel any pressure to update, but there are good people here if you want to, & can be arsed to scroll past PP's possibly entirely fictitous wives, credentials, & drug-clinic "expertise".

Hope you can get some proper communication going on with DP where he recognises your concern about how much 'family time' his weekend antics are costing your DD - & that you too need time out on the odd weekend.

It must be sad to think you would be stronger if you were male.
Um ... did someone fail their biology GCSE?

Obviously you all have some inferiority complex when it comes to gender.
Do I need to ring the GMC?
'cos if this is the standard of inaccurate hypothesising & sweeping generalisation that gets kids though med school these days, they might want to scrutinise their exam board.