To ask how you know you’re finished having children.

[Tunnocks34]

We have three children, our youngest is 6 months. I really assumed that after my third I’d feel like our family was complete etc but I don’t feel like I am. I feel I’d really love another baby (albeit in 2/3 years)

For context, I am 30. Money isn’t an issue and either is age, but what I’m wondering is, is there just a switch that happens. Do you ever think ‘I want no more children’, is it circumstances that stop people?

Honestly I think you can never say never, unless its medically impossible.

You only know what you feel, think and want right now. I have seen enough in life to know it can change.

'Its not for me right now' is a better way of looking at it.

After DD3 I kept saying "no more, but if it happens that's ok". Then we had DS4!
Straight after I knew I was done.
I didn't have that "ah" moment when I saw babies, I was totally unmoved. When I hear toddlers having a tantrum in the supermarket I feel for the parent, but am so glad those days are over for me.

Honestly I think you can never say never, unless its medically impossible

I don’t agree with this. I have three DC. I never want another.

In labour with number four, and thinking "thank God I'll never have to do this again."

I was a hundred percent sure when my youngest was about a year and I had a pregnancy scare. I just didn't want to be pregnant. I am not sure if I miscarries or whether I just happened to start my periods and had a wildly heavy period but all I felt was relief. I booked a sterilisation that week.
Never had a moments doubt since.

I wanted three but have two. I don’t feel done and never have, but it’s the right decision for my DH, my mental health and my energy levels.

Also, I am the third of three and parental attention felt hard to come by at times - and they were really attentive parents.

When you see someone with w baby and think "thank fuck that's not me."

I just was
Always entertained the idea of 2 never contemplated more that’s still the same.

I’m pushing 40 now and looking forward to the next stages of life without nappies and plastic Tat everywhere

But it was only after DC2 was over 2 that I felt like that.

I had 2 children with the same partner.

i wasn't arrogant enough to assume that my children would add more to the world than the negative environmental impact of having a 3rd.

I didn't know when I was pregnant with dc3, but I definitely knew with dc4.

They say you just know, and I did.

Almost 5 years after sterilisation, I am still 100% confident it was the right decision.

2 ectopics and 5 miscarriages and I was done.

DP was adamant after dd2 that we were done. At the time I’d have had another. I think when you’re in that baby having head space you feel like you could just keep on having them. I did anyway.

Once dd2 got to about 4 though, I was really happy we never went for a 3rd. Life is easy being a family of 4 and for me personally I think the extra child would have made life much harder.

I had one mc before ds and one after. Then very soon after I learned I was in menopause at 39 so I knew then. It took me years to accept it - probably 13-14 years after ds was born which wouldn’t have even been possible. He’s 18 now and I’m so glad I have only one to put through University!

I knew I was having ‘one and done’ even before I got pregnant!

I was also fine with the possibility I wouldn’t get pregnant (older, with some fertility issues).

Most people I know seem to stop when another kid would push the family finances too far, or growing medical issues with the mother. Mind you, the one woman I know who has been told directly that pregnancies are going to cause her a massive heart attack just shrugged and is having her 12th!

I’ve just had my first, three weeks ago.
Importantly, and for context. I suffer with generalised and health anxiety, had a bad bout where I wouldn’t leave the house in my late teens, 23 now so not too long ago, had therapy and have been managing it ok until now.

Pregnancy went swimmingly until 28 weeks. No morning sickness, no feeling sick at certain smells, all good. 28 weeks came around and I was measuring small. I worried abit but not too much as DD was active and heart rate good. Was told at 33 weeks my placenta was failing and she would have to be delivered by section in the next 10 days. Never would have chosen a c section, it was my worst fear.. but it was the safest option so I went with it, it had to be done. Then from 33 weeks to 37 weeks had monitoring as placenta was starting to fail but baby still happy so they wanted to get as far as possible.. but which point I was quite worried for her now so anxiety beginning to heighten.

C section came around, all went smoothly, was given way too much spinal and couldn’t feel anything up to my chin- the doctor who administered it said he would have to put it in my notes for ‘next time’ not to have that much again. Pft next time.. But nevertheless, it went as smooth as it could.

Recovery however, I’ve done nothing but worry I’ll bust my stitches open, worry that I’ve damaged something as I jumped a bit during the spinal, worries that every time I have a headache I have eclampsia or a brain tumour. My anxiety is x1000 since, I feel sick at the thought of my incision. I can’t look at it or touch it. I worry about sepsis and infections. I worry about blood clots.

I love DD and thankfully it hasn’t (yet?) seemed to affect my mood towards her. But I am overcome with overwhelming guilt that I’m too worried about myself when I should be focusing on being a mum. I’m so worried about moving to much or too quickly and braking my stitches that I try to do as little as possible, which makes me feel like when I could be walking around to settle DD I just sit and try to settle her instead.

I’ve loved every moment of DD since she was born, but I’ve hated every moment of myself.

DP can see how much it’s affected me and weve both said she is our one and our only as I can’t go through the risk of having a c section again, my mental health just couldn’t cope with it.

Which is sad because DP wanted more than one child.

Interesting, and concerning, that in 143 posts only two people mention their decision being influenced by the environmental impact of having children.

I just don’t see me having another child. I could have another easy newborn but I don’t want another pregnancy or difficult newborn or actual child.

I have 2 (1 of each). I had always envisioned myself having 4 but once #2 came along, we just could never afford another maternity leave or more childcare or to be without my wage. My mental health could not have taken the financial stress.

A (now ex)friend came to visit me for 2 weeks with her then 2 year old DS (my kids were 12 and 9 at the time). OMG, it more than confirmed I was done. I was 39 then, 42 now, and I'm more paranoid about getting pregnant now than when I was 18!

I'm happy with my 2. They're 15 and 12 now and I enjoy their company so much (most of the time, they're not without teenage moments). I'm not regretful about not having more IYKWIM.

When you see someone with w baby and think "thank fuck that's not me."

This.

I was very broody when dc2 was a baby....it wore off! 2 is plenty

@wineandroses1💐

My husband had the snip.
I would have happily had another.

UnaCorda - that shows people are being honest here. We are humans. Humans have always had children even in the worse conditions. It's not a fully rational decision and will never be. Environmental impact can be a part of a that decision but I don't actually believe it can form a substantial part of it, thats just not how humans function (sadly or not).

I'm pretty sure now at 19 weeks with my first baby that I'm done 😂 we have always said we only want the one child (we have a big family with lots of cousins for baby to play with) I was worried ours might be lonely being an only child but DH is set on only having one and I agree.

I've had a very difficult pregnancy so far and I struggle with awful anxiety so that makes it hard. I'm so in love with my bump and can't wait to be a mum to this baby but I'm 99% sure there won't be any more.

Of course I could give birth and everything might change but at the moment I don't think so.

This sounds really awful but a lot of friends started their families later than us (some haven’t had children yet but are planning them) and I genuinely feel sorry for them still having to go through the horrific pregnancy/labour/newborn stage, potentially more than once! Obviously that isn’t rational and they’ve had many more years of luxury holidays/weekends away/lie ins than us! I just can’t imagine doing it again. As soon as DC3 came out I thought ‘thank fuck I never have to go through that again’.