For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

[Pollyspocketrocket]

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

No i don't think you are. You are a partnership and so all decisions which impact on the partnership should be discussed and challenged on both sides and with a view to future plans (if you have children the additional money will be very handy. It will give you choices around length of mat leave/ childcare options etc which will reduce stress for both of you).

If a private firm is prepared to offer a pay increase of 68% then your husband is not being paid enough in his current role. Could he have a chat with his boss and say 'this is what i've been offered - i don't really want to leave - how far can you go to match it?'. Ignore the health/ life insurance - they won't be worth as much as his public sector pension . Life insurance is not expensive to purchase. The boss may not be able to match the private sector offer but s/he should be able to bridge the gap. If not then your husband has further food for thought. The boss will want to know either way. S/he won't just want to lose someone with specialist skills who will cost a wad to replace and train up.

I think it’s madness to turn down an opportunity like that. If you’re childless now is the ideal time to take on stressful changes. If he is wise with his financial planning he might be able to cut back when you have kids and spend quality time with them.

it’s a £31k a year increase

So it's about £46k to £77k?

Which means he's currently just below where you start to pay 40% tax, and stop being entitled to CB. That's quite a good place to be if you're earning enough to have a nice life.

On £77k you lose 40% of just about all the pay rise in tax, and won't be entitled to CB at all if you have DC.

It's really up to him, but he's very far from 'not being in his right mind' to stay where he is.

On £77k you lose 40% of just about all the pay rise in tax, and won't be entitled to CB at all if you have DC.*

You lose CB at £60k

I wish people would stop telling the OP to just go and get another job herself. For all we know she might, but at this moment in time it’s her DH who’s been offered a new position that could set them up for a few years and that’s the issue they have to decide on at this moment.

When OP is offered a new job at a massive salary, I dare say she will start a new thread for that decision!

If he takes it remember your good intentions of doing sensible things like paying off the mortgage won’t necessarily come to fruition, it will be tempting to think you can afford a bigger house, bigger mortgage, fancier cars etc, unless you are mindful you might not be in such a comfortable position as you think because you end up living to your means albeit with more material things which is added pressure for your DH to stay in a job he might not be happy in.

free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

This is priceless. I wouldn’t leave a job like this for more money either.

It is, DH actually stayed in less well paid role whilst our DC were small because he had a 15 minute commute, flexible working & remote working. So important & it helped me stay in work because we could share the load. Our youngest has just turned 3 & DH was offered 2 jobs (in the city so more pay) he took the one that allows wfh.

I also think it's better to have 2 parents in work maybe both on 4 days or 1 ft, 1 pt earning 60k each in a less stressful role than one on 150k working lots of hours.

I think he should take it. If his working relationships are so great where he is, then he can go back perhaps. A bigger salary at this point in his career will affect every other salary he is offered in the future. If he gives it a go and doesn't like it, for whatever reason, then he is in a stronger position to negotiate a role he does want. He will have had experience of both sectors and the longer he leaves it, the more difficult it will be to convince the private sector that he is motivated and flexible enough to change. If you're married and thinking about children, then it's not just his life and it's reasonable to expect that he tries out something that might (just might) be a little uncomfortable.

If you do have children, you will be really fucking uncomfortable at times and in fact close to death. I think he can try sitting next to Dave instead of Chris for a bit.

I agree with you op. If my dh got headhunted for a role with the same conditions (except pension) and a higher salary then I would encourage him to take it. Imo if you don't have children then now is the time to push forward in both your careers and take the opportunity whilst you can. He could always pay more into his pension which would bring down his taxable pay and CB isn't that much for one child.

You lose CB at £60k

I know that, what exactly does your comment add to what I said?

If he stays where he is and they have DC, he will be in a much better position to take an equal share in childrearing, sick days, flexible hours to facilitate drop offs, pick ups etc, and may even be able to take a decent chunk of properly paid paternity leave.

While in the private sector he's likely to be one of those DHs who is always at work leaving the OP to juggle work and childcare, or feel that she needs to give up work completely because it just becomes too hard to manage combining the two.

I think he should take the new job. If he only wants to think about what's best for himself then he should remain single. But you are family and both opinions should be considered. No-one likes being the new kid, but for £31k extra a year I would 100% put up with it. So, unless he has some evidence that he is going to hate the new job, the benefits of the pay rise surely outweigh what is simply a concern?

If you do have children, you will be really fucking uncomfortable at times and in fact close to death. I think he can try sitting next to Dave instead of Chris for a bit.

Ah, so demanding 68% more money from a man, with no concern whatsover for his personal autonomy or happiness, is justifiable because parturition hurts?

Fucksake.
Can someone try switching feminism on & off again at the plug? - it seems to be malfunctioning.

So it's about £46k to £77k

I'm going to sound out of touch but it's not a huge difference after tax, loss of benefit, pension.

Money isn't everything, he's right.
They'll want a whole lot more pounds of flesh for him for such an increase.
I suppose it's down to work/life balance and if you like spending time as a family. He'll undoubtedly have to bring work home, with such a salary increase.
If he doesn't like the job he's royally screwed in terms of his cv, as it looks like he just moves for more money, will look unreliable or at least disloyal.

I totally get him wanting to stay in the public sector (I've worked in both). It's much more rewarding, going home at night knowing that you're part of the infrastructure that benefits everyone, instead of just helping to make the shareholders richer.

The culture is so different, a lot of people are really committed to serving the public and providing the services everyone needs and they tend to be more public spirited. And staff are treated much,. much better in my experience.

I work in the third sector now and that is just fab. I've never felt so valued in my role, and the management culture is really supportive, despite all the contracts being very target-focussed. All staff, from the exec team to the couriers, are treated the same, and the ethos is very supportive and collaborative.

I could get a 50% increase in pay if I switched to, but the satisfaction I get in this organisation is priceless.

You are thinking about starting a family. The public sector ( for me) have been the most amazing employers when it comes to family friendly work practices.

I have variously worked full time, part time , term time only (literal life saver) and now compressed hours.. with no whinging or wheedling from my employer.

I could go 'up' a grade .. but it would actually lose me money on the current terms I am on.. public sector can also hire and fire at Will under two years..

There is also the ongoing pension issue following the Fire Brigades Union successful claim at tribunal that the Government has agreed to honour , so if your DH was in his role prior to 2012 he will most likely be put back into a final salary pension.

Ultimately it has to be HIS choice. He is the one doing all the work in this new role.

God I feel really sorry for this guy. He lucky enough to have a job he loves, a good employer, friendly colleagues. And he has to leave all that because you want to retire early?

And if he doesn't hes being 'wet' and 'selfish'.

They clearly aren't living on the breadline, so it should be completely his choice.

I work in the public sector now & I still forget to fill in time sheets for my overtime. Can't believe I get paid for it & it's often double time!

I can see both sides and I agree with PP's that his early 30's, pre-children, is the time to make a major change if he's going to.

But, it may not be for him. I'd suggest he does a bit more digging about the company's expectations commitment-wise, the work environment, promotion opportunities - basically find out as much as he can about this prospective employer. Sites like Glassdoor have reviews from current and past employees (not sure if it operates in the UK as well, but there's bound to be an equivalent).

Obviously he doesn't HAVE to take this leap, but he should think carefully about it. My DH changed industries completely at 30 and it's worked out for him. I've always been more cautious and now regret it somewhat. If his skills are in high demand, he can always return to the public sector.

I think you're being unreasonable. It's better to be in a job he loves than an overpaid one where he may not. I had the same role in numerous employments. Only one place did I love so much that, I commuted long distance because I enjoyed it. I could have made better money, closer to home. I was there for 8 years. Loved it.

He's being very foolish. This is exactly the time to pour heart and soul into furthering your career, with a view to hopefully taking your foot off the pedal a bit when you have DCs.

I agree with a pp that a man (anyone tbh) who is willing to settle for a pipe and slippers job in their 30s and with no DCs needs their head examining, esp when there's such a fabulous opportunity on the table!

it’s a £31k a year increase

In which case Teacupdrama's post applies:
it depends on his current salary a bit if he was on 18-30k a year it would make a big difference if already on 50k it may not make him any happier, if he is already earning more than you it is different than if he is earning 50% of what you do and you are subsiding him apparently about 50K is the sweet spot on salaries where more money doesn't make people happier ( this is more than 90% of the population earn) sometimes people know early in life that they want to work to live not live to work and are prepared to cut cloth accordingly for better work life balance

Your husband should stop being such a hippie and take the new job.

OP should stop being such a grabbing controller and get herself a new job if she wants the money, money, money

Are there ethical considerations for your DH too OP? Lots of us are committed to working in the public sector as it benefits a broader range of clients including the most vulnerable.

So he is happy now, who is to say he won't be happy in the new role. Christ alive, people being so scared of change. What you do know is that the new role will pay a heap of a lot more. What you don't know is whether he will be happy or not. So why are people assuming he won't be? He may be MORE happy in the new role. He may be ecstatic. It may well be the best move in the history of career moves. He will never know if he lives life terrified of trying something new just in case he doesn't like it. All you know for sure is that he has been offered a great opportunity. I would struggle being with someone so young who is too scared to try something new 'just in case'.