For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

[Pollyspocketrocket]

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

It sounds good . The positives of his current post are clearly his working environment and pension . That’s not to say that the private benefits may well match these .
Sounds as though he has good prospects .
Wanting to pay off the mortgage / set yourselves up etc is all good . You’re clearly ambitious for him , are those ambitions matched with your own achievements .

He's 30ish and has pipe and slippered his job already?

Mmmm! Either he really is fearful of change or there is something about the new job that he doesn't like. Loving your work colleagues enough to turn down a hefty pay rise, at that age, is, in my book, a bit odd and needs a bit more discussion, if only to put you both on the same page.

Has he made a list of pros and cons... have you discussed them?

Minor point, OP, but it's possible your DP has life assurance in the public sector through the death in service or similar benefit part of his pension scheme - this is often 2-4x pensionable pay. He might want to check with his HR and, if so, ensure the relevant nomination form states you as his intended beneficiary (the trustees usually have discretion).

With this new job offer on the table can he use it to go to his current employer and negotiate a raise and more benefits?

Yabu it's his choice

Yabu.

Unfortunately, a lot of the 68% increase in salary will be swallowed up by tax; he won't get 68% more money in his pocket.

Agree that if he's happy and enjoys working and you're not struggling for cash, it is his decision not yours.

What are you doing to improve your earning potential?

@DoggieCuddler unfortunately he’s tried that. As much as they’d like to retain him, they’ve made it clear that there’s no pay rise available.

“A great working relationship with his colleagues”

Fine, until one by one new they leave and their replacements are not so congenial.

He is being ridiculous. YANBU.

Tell him whatever he decides, you back him 100%

Although you say he's been offered the same working hours, I wouldn't be surprised if he has to actually work over that for his 68% increase. How will you feel if he's not at home as much, and bloody miserable? This is his decision. It's not all about ambition and money. If you're earning enough to live on then be glad he's got a job he enjoys and is happy in - most people working aren't.

Also, there is a big difference between 'same working hours' on paper and in reality; in the private sector there is a lot more pressure to work late/unpaid hours etc. And they don't usually advertise this!

You say that as though everyone has the same opportunity and unfortunately a pay increase of that size is just not something which is going to be offered to me in the field of work I’m in.

Perhaps you could thing of training, salary increases that big have to be really planned well. I really uplifted my salary by completing an MBA but obviously there's investment there, then you have to find a new role.

Ummm difficult one as I think it would unreasonable to get him to leave a job he loves if the public sector was at all safe ... but the fact is they are all like rats the higher up, hanging on to the sinking ship and he will be given the chop at any point to save the higher up rats. All those feelings of togetherness and doing things for the public sector count for nothing when it comes to the crunch.

Personally, I would see if they could give him VR and get the lump sum and then run into the lovely better paid job ... although they will prob want more of him for the money.

YABU.
Why don't you go and seek a better paid job instead?

You say that as though everyone has the same opportunity and unfortunately a pay increase of that size is just not something which is going to be offered to me in the field of work I’m in.

I thought as much and it was the point I was making. If you aren't willing to make the changes required to earn the amount you'd like coming in, why should you expect someone else to do that for you? Fine if they're happy to do that, but not fine to insist they do or berate them for not doing so.

unfortunately a pay increase of that size is just not something which is going to be offered to me in the field of work I’m in

Then change your field of work to something more financially lucrative if loving your job isn't something you consider important. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think this really really depends whether or not "the same hours" is genuinely true.

I moved jobs, managed to keep the same pay but would have taken a really significant pay cut to not do that job any more. Technically my public sector job is significantly more senior than my old role. If I was going back to an equivalent role I would be looking at around a 50% pay increase. No amount could you pay me to take that job.

Technically I work 2.5 hours a week more than my other job, in reality it's about 40% fewer hours. My commute is vastly better. My colleagues are collaborative not combative. The improvement to my quality of life is extraordinary. I would rather have the time than the money any day.

Ultimately I am not struggling now, wouldn't be if I earned 30% less and so I can afford to make those decisions. I would rather spend longer paying off my mortgage and enjoy my life more.

However, obviously you don't know whether or not it will be that bad, but I would be giving it some serious thought.

But surely if he takes this job and it doesn't work out, he could work elsewhere - you said it is in high demand, and then he has that salary as a negotiating start point for a new role (welcome to the private sector)

Why can that type of office environment only be in the public sector?

Dh absolutely loves his job, he has worked in lots of different places over the last 20+ years and found lots of like minded and fun people to work with.

The morgage clearing is a big plus, he could agree to stick it out for X number of years and then change.

I had a job I hated, and I mentally struggled. It was well paid. I quit eventually for my sanity. It needs to be your DH 's decision, if it doesn't work out he might be resentful.

YABVU

Upskill yourself and Go for thr Money

He may not adapt well to the change and he may struggle. We are all different, so beware of assuming that your DH will adapt to a new role in the private sector just because you know that you would not have a problem

I’ve worked in both private and public sectors. The working cultures and practices are hugely different, that you say “he’s been offered the same working hours” makes me worry that you don’t understand how it works in the private sector. My husband’s working hours are, on paper, 9-5. The reality is that he is often on work phone calls at 7am, usually finishes work around 9pm and also does a lot of weekend work. He has zero time for cooking/cleaning etc. I do not know any private sector jobs (other than very junior roles) where the ‘working hours’ mean anything.

If he is happy where he is I would strongly discourage him from moving just for a higher salary, especially if he hasn’t worked in private sector before.

If your DH loves going to work then he is in a tiny minority and YABVU to expect him to give that up. Especially as he was headhunted and none of this was his idea.

He should take the new job.

I was sad to leave my colleagues at my old job.
Three years on, half of them have left too.
Staying the same doesn’t mean everything always stays the same.