For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

[Pollyspocketrocket]

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

The man, who is making this decision gave the working hours as ine of his reasons

No the OP gave that as one of a number of factors in the current job, she didn't say he is assuming it will be different in the other job.

Because that is what the OP says, and unless you are the DH or the DH's current employer you are in no position to gainsay her.

The dh did gain say her. He said one of the reasons was hours.

OP has decided its fear of change ignoring the facts he gave her.

I am going from what she said he gave as his reasons.

Why is her opinion, more informative that what he said?

When it actually suits her opinion yo attach negativity to his decision? Saying its fear of change is casting his decision in a negative light. Which suits hers, because she wants him to take it.

He has given a reason. Why isnt that enough for you to assume he is right. More hours ar expected?

When it actually suits her opinion yo attach negativity to his decision? Saying its fear of change is casting his decision in a negative light. Which suits hers, because she wants him to take it.

Where in the OP or elsewhere does it say he's made his decision? It says 'he now isn't sure'. I have rtft btw but may have missed her update. In which case it's done and dusted and he's made the right decision for him anyway.

I work in the public sector in a senior management role. I work over my allotted hours as do all other senior managers... At times I have worked stupidly long hours. It’s not what I would call cushy. At £46k though, the OPs DH is more middle than senior management though.

Ok decision is the wrong word.

His thought process.

He thought process is that the hours are better in his current job.

He has sited it as something he enjoys about his job. It's one of the reasons that he may not take the new job.

It wouldnt be a reason to mot take the new job, if he wasnt expected to work over.

The ridiculous amount of tying yourself in knots to assume ops opinion of the situation is correct rather than what this man has said, is baffling

Not sure if this has already been mentioned but how good is his public sector pension? For example, The local government pension scheme is great and would take a huge amount of personal saving / salary sacrifice to even try and match it. Worth checking that because a lot of the pay rise could be lost in matching his previous pension.

At 46k in the public sector he is nowhere near being a senior manager. Maybe he should go for promotion; if he’s central government then that’s an SEO salary and the next jump up is to about £53-57k (depends on the department). Not quite such a jump but not to be sniffed at.

One thing I haven’t seen mentioned is the public sector ethos. I have never been tempted to jump ship to the private sector because I could never be really happy working for an organisation that’s ultimate purpose was to make money for its shareholders. I get so much job satisfaction from working in roles where I really do have a positive impact on society. (I realise that’s not the case for the whole public sector, but I’ve chosen my jobs carefully!)

I work for a mix of sectors from a private sector company. The worst examples of workplace bullying, excess hours and poor working conditions I see are in the public sector. Its no inducement to consider returning.

That's your experience and maybe its that way in your industry and/or where you live. It's not in mine and certainly not the area I live in. The company I worked for had no competition so they treat people like crap because they know they have a limited choice. Unfortunately for them that has now changed and they are back pedalling fast. I wouldn't trust them ever again though. More fool people who do.

The ridiculous amount of tying yourself in knots to assume ops opinion of the situation is correct rather than what this man has said, is baffling

I haven't tied myself in any knots at all.

A few pages back if the rtft I said that his flexible attitude to work will help her maintain her career if they have dc rather than him being a 'man-job' type.

This morning I have challenged the notion that private sector jobs are always harder and therefore the somewhat bizarre certainty that he will end up working loads more hours and be permanently stressed to justify this pay rise. I don't think it's particularly helpful, it may have truth in it or he may manage the change fine and his work/ life balance may be workable for him still - no one knows.

It's a risk that he might not like it, there are positives and negatives to what he decides. There are people though who seem rather overinvested in the idea that he shouldn't take it. My personal opinion is it's up to him and that's it. I've been stuck in the same (private sector) job for years because it's easy, reasonably well paid and flexible. I'm scared stiff of moving so I'm hardly in a position to tell him he's wrong am I? 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

That's your experience and maybe its that way in your industry and/or where you live. It's not in mine and certainly not the area I live in

That was my point. I was responding to someone suggesting that private is automatically bad, public automatically good.

I haven't tied myself in any knots at all.

I wasn't specifically talking about you. But about the several posters that just cant accept, increase in hours is one of the husbands concerns.

He interviewed and met these people. He knows more about the ethos, set up etc.

I agree. It's his choice. OP said 'his reasoning is.....' . So, to be fair, wether private or public is better doesnt matter. What matters is, that in this case, it's true. And he doesnt want to the work life balance to change.

This private company has aggressively head hunted him and offered him the earth. They will want their pound of flesh and will drop him like a brick if he doesn't suit.
This

Years ago I was offered a job, that despite wanting to leave my ( at the time )current job and a higher salary I turned down based on what I learnt about them during the interview process.

They ended up calling me at home to persuade me to take the job. I was young, flatttered and didn't listen to my instincts, so changed my mind and said yes.

It was a mistake and also not a mistake. The job was massive and very difficult ( hence their desperation to fill it) and I spent a year working 12-18 hr days 6-7 days a week . In the end.I delivered on everything they needed me to and I had learnt a massive amount but I was burnt out and left after a year.

The mistake was because I was so stressed in the job, but it was also not a mistake because it was sink or swim, and I managed to swim so.had many many more skills and lots of great experience to take to my next role. If I had not moved on after the year, I think my mental health would have suffered though.

I was single then so could work like that. Would you be ok if your DH had to work those hours? Also if it doesn't work out how easy would your DH find it to leave. Many people struggle with change and successfully changing jobs is often more difficult than people on MN seem to think.

My dh has always worked private section. He’s early between 57k-67k. Two of his roles he took because he wanted to work for the company and was interested in the industry. Terrible boss and ridiculous hours. He switched to another job after a few years and ended up with a great boss but utterly insane hours. He was never home and with three kids (two had special needs) was just mad. He’s taken a pay cut and works locally. Drops the kids at school, comes home for lunch and to see our dog and finishes at 5.30 most days. The money works out better for us now and I’ve found a job that also fits around the kids.

In previous jobs he’s been miserable and very stressed. The higher salary wasn’t worth it for him (he’s maybe not the most driven).

I think yes you give your opinion but your dh needs to make the decision. I think everyone wobbles about moving jobs and how they’ll fit with the company but you need to leave him to make the decision.

* I could never be really happy working for an organisation that’s ultimate purpose was to make money for its shareholders. I get so much job satisfaction from working in roles where I really do have a positive impact on society. *

This is a major part of why after 20 years in private sector work, I went to work in ( higher) education administration 10 years ago.. Unfortunately, this is not really private sector any more. It is a mix of public sector ethos of doing things for the ' greater good' but more and more utilising the language and methods of the private sector 'cost cutting, recruitment targets, brand strategy, marketing strategy,.income generation.yada yada'

The difficulty thing is the skills and knowledge I gained from my private sector roles were what they wanted, yet I was looking for a job where those skills were not as necessary.. I find the commodification of education sad and slightly depressing but I still prefer selling 'education' to most of the products I have worked to sell in previous jobs . By sell,.I mean in a broad sense, in that all companies sell something as I have never worked in sales.

Having a job that aligns with your values is very important for most people I think if they are to like their jobs

I think you should let him make the decision and not pressure him. He’s the one who has to actually do the job every day. If he did take the new job because you wanted him to and then found he was less happy, he would resent you for it. I think you’re being quite selfish tbh.

Get a piece of paper and suggest he write a balance sheet: pros of current job; cons of current job. pros of new job and cons of new job. This might help take some of the emotion and fear of the unknown out of it and help him make an objective decision. (There is no guarantee, incidentally, that the colleagues he loves won't move away...)

Has he taken into account other factors like a longer or shorter commute?

It's okay to say no, but it should be an informed decision.

For all those trying to do the maths, OP is saying her husband has been offered a 68% pay rise.

She says that it would be an extra £1700 a month for them.

1700 is 68% of 2500

2500 X 12 is 30,000

So OP’s husband must be on £30,000 a year now and been offered £50,400

Or is my maths off?!

In any event, for what it’s worth, I think he should take the new role for the experience, save the uplift in cash and then move back to public sector with a nest egg and enhanced skills if the private sector is not for him.

Yes your maths is off as you are mixing up before and after tax earnings.

It's around £46k to around £77k, which is probably the worst possible jump as he's currently just below the 40% tax rate, so nearly all his payrise will be subject to 40% tax.

I think based on those numbers an extra £1700 is an overestimate, but that might be due to differences in pension contributions, but of course if less goes into his pension, less comes out on retirement.

But the main point is that a private sector job paying £77k almost certainly requires significantly more time commitment than his current job and if they're in a position where the money won't make much difference to their quality of life and he's a 'work to live' person not a 'live to work' person then his reluctance to take the job is probably well founded.

Get a piece of paper and suggest he write a balance sheet: pros of current job; cons of current job. pros of new job and cons of new job

He has.

OP said in her first post 'his reasoning is....' he has thought about it and still thinking about it.

YANBU given you have no children and could move if the new job required it. It is a bit of a risk, and you both need to work the numbers through for take home pay. But its his choice. If he turns this down the company may well think to interview the ppl he works with - ask him how he would feel if one of his colleagues is offered this post?

I agree with @DontMakeMeShushYou.

1st, you are assuming he is trading like for like and that may not be the case. You don't know that you're not pushing him into a toxic work environment and it's him that will have to deal with that and if it is toxic he will have to change jobs again. He isn't getting more money just because it's the private sector: more money means MUCH more stress.

Bear in mind the likelihood is that he won't be able to go back as his post will be filled.

2nd, to say he is a creature of habit and doesn't like change is a non comment: that applies to all of us, the issue here is it affects us all differently.

I hear you but YABVU as it's not you who has to do all of this. You've discussed it, he's heard you out, now let him make his own decisions.

Maybe he could negotiate a pay rise where he is? It may not match the other but it would help.

"then move back to public sector"

Of course though it won't be easy to move back to the public sector if the new job doesn't work out.

It would be ironic if OP manages to convince him to take the job, and then realizes he's at home a lot less, and when he is he's tired and grumpy.

It's a tricky one. My dad worked in the public sector all his life. There was a point where he was considering going to the private sector - a chance to try a new environment, and lots more money. He ended up not going for it, had a decent career staying in the public sector and a great pension. It was the right choice for him in the end.

Moving jobs is not just about the money. I've worked in the private sector all my life, but took a substantial pay cut to shift careers recently. No regrets at all, it's worked out well. And if I'd stayed where I was, I would have been very unhappy.

The main thing is that he needs to be on for moving, not feel pushed into it. I've known people skip from public to private and do incredibly well, but you won't know until he's tried, and if he isn't psychologically set up to give it his best shot, he'll be at a massive disadvantage.

Private isn't the same as "public, but more money". In the private sector there's a lot less job security, less flexible working, worse pension (although public sector pensions are under increasing pressure) but if things go well a lot more financial upside, a wider variety of opportunities.

I would be really careful about pushing him too hard on this.

it's him that will have to deal with that and if it is toxic he will have to change jobs again.

That is always a risk when you change jobs, whichever sector. Bullying arsehole managers generally manage to put on a good show for interview.

Also, there are quite a few companies these days which have an understanding of work-life balance, flexibility and corporate social responsibility as well as shareholder value.