For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

[Pollyspocketrocket]

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

He’s mad not to take it- he could have the same working relationship with his new colleagues. The fear of the unknown shouldn’t stop him taking risks.

it would be naive for either OP or her DP to assume that new job would not mean more work hours for the money even if on paper the hours are the same

Yes I would expect he would wind up working more hours, perhaps considerably more hours. A private company is bound to have a different culture where overtime is expected, and with it higher levels of stress.

They will expect a lot in return for such a high salary, he will probably be under a lot more pressure. I don't blame him for thinking twice about it. If you push him to take the job, then YABU. He needs time to reach his own decision.

I've known a few people leave the public sector for the private sector... every one of them has thoroughly regretted it once they've realised how much harder they're expected to work in the real world.

There is absolutely not a shred of evidence from anything she has written that this is the case;

Except she seems to have no care about the difference in hours and expectations. She wont acknowledge that it will reduce the quality of his life and massively impact his work/life balance......because it means more money for what she wants. That's not the sign of someone who really cares about their spouse.

The fear of the unknown shouldn’t stop him taking risks.

No, the fact that he will have work more hours and not be able to just switch off, is what is putting him off.

I work in the private sector. I am on annual leave this week. I am still expected to be available for emergencies. Some other colleagues think they look amazing by calling and emailing out of hours. If you dont respond, you are often judged as not dedicated. Colleagues often make this worse themseleves because they think our CEO will be impressed by their dedication.

Often the CEO woukdnt even know. I know people who sit at their desks until late just to be seen working late.

I am senior and it's a drain in life outside work. If I had my time again, it's not the route I would take. Luckily, I also love my job. But I will take calls on an evening, but start the call with I am in the middle of something and respond to emails if it's a quick response. I wont sit and actually do my work.

There is no switching off at 5pm. If I could get a lower, but still good wage and be able to switch off, I would do it in a heart beat.

People really seem to think work stewss and hours isnt a big deal, when other people will be doing it.

I hope OP has read the posts from people who have been in her husband's position. Its not just some irrational fear of the unknown that's making him reluctant to switch, but there are good reasons for staying in his current job. Shorter hours, less stress and greater job security.

The fear of the unknown shouldn’t stop him taking risks.

Why?

I am so pleased so many people waste their potential in jobs which underpay them so I don't have to jostle with them for the higher paying (and cushy) jobs.

Lucky that we don't all have your (disgusting) attitude, or there's be no teachers, nurses, paramedics and care workers - only bankers - and society would fall apart instantly.

I don't think it's healthy for a young person to hang around in the same job forever, knowing that there is no further progression available, just because you like your colleagues and it's comfy. That doesn't get you anywhere in life.

What? A good senior job for 46k doesn't get you "anywhere"? I suppose if you define "anywhere" as living in a million pound house with 2 kids in private school and riding lessons, then maybe. For the rest of us that would make a very happy and contented life.

The hours are always ridiculously better in public sector than private.

Loving your job is so rare. It makes a massive difference to your mental health and wellbeing. I would rather have a happy dh than no mortgage at your age.

The hours are always ridiculously better in public sector than private

True story - I worked in private consultancy (engineering and technical services) for 12 years. I worked long hours and made some good friends, over 10pm office takeaways and last buses home, and was on the verge of burn out in my mid 30s.

I moved to the public sector (I am still with the same organisation 15 years later). At the sane time, a friend of mine moved within the public sector. We both went on maternity leave at a similar time. When I was planning my return to work , I had a long chat with my line manager about flexible working, part time hours etc which culminated in a job share arrangement where we both worked 3 days a week and overlapped on Wednesdays (we had additional duties to similar role holders to compensate for this, but the overlap allowed good handover too) . We both managed our workload in 22.2 hours a week.

When my friend returned to work, she was meant to do 22.5 hours a week. Even she mentioned to her line manager that she was regularly booking 40+ hours, his reaction was “the full timers are booking 70, so that sounds reasonable”.

That tells me everything I need to know about the public sector “hours”. I can absolutely guarantee that the expectation on working hours/availability in the private sector is far higher than in the public sector.

sounds like he would really enjoy this new role as well same as he does now and same hours etc - surely worth it for the big payrise

AND...

...as his role is in demand, if it didn't work out I'm sure he could find plenty of other options, possibly even back in his old role one day. Gotta give it a go.

The spiteful people who are saying the op should find a way to clear the mortgage- she hasn’t been offered a higher paid job has she? He has, which is why she is keen for him to take it, she doesn’t owe any of you an explanation for her own career status.

What’s the reasoning behind sacrificing your quality of life in your 30s whilst likely to be your pressured with family commitments so you can live a mortgage-free, kids-free, fancy-free life in your 50s. Delayed gratification has its place, but not at the expense of wasting the prime of your life.

He sounds a bit lazy and lacking ambition. He’s too young to be kicking back and not wanting change.

He doesn't want to take this job and if you make him, he will likely end up resenting you a great deal.

What matters more to you, his income or his happiness?

sounds like he would really enjoy this new role as well same as he does now and same hours etc - surely worth it for the big payrise

It's not the same hours. Office hours are the same. But as everyone agrees, it will require work outside office hours, alot.

He’s too young to be kicking back and not wanting change.

Says who? And why doesnt OP change her career to get more money? Is she also too young to be kicking back and not wanting to change?

But as everyone agrees, it will require work outside office hours, alot.

This is pure speculation. It is a possibility but not a definite.

I wouldn't do it even for a 100% increase in salary.

Private sector is shit. They treat you like shit. You do not work the hours they give you, you work a ton more. If you're happy to lose your husband to his job, go ahead and make him take it. But you won't see him much and he'll be in a bad mood from when he takes it til he leaves. Especially in senior management.

The hours are always ridiculously better in public sector than private.

Having been a teacher who now works in a private company I totally disagree.

People where I work work normal office hours, yes there may be the odd panic over a deadline that requires extra but they take it back.

@Yeahnah2020

He sounds a bit lazy and lacking ambition. He’s too young to be kicking back and not wanting change.

^Stop talking nonsense. The OP is greedy and willing to sacrifice her husbands hapiness and work life balance for more money

This is pure speculation. It is a possibility but not a definite.

No it's a definite. No one pays 68% more unless they are expecting alot more.

Private sector senior managment always comes with the expectation of working outside offices hours.

Even if we say it's not a definite. It's far more likely to be more hours than 'the same hours' which I what I challenged.

It's not a definite, you're absolutely right there, but it's the more likely possibility of the two. He's being paid a great deal more and moving from public to private. Both of those things tend, in roles like this, to mean the hours expected are greater. Not always, and he might very well be one of those that bucks the trend. However he can only really go on what's most likely, at this point.

Don’t forget NHS workers - hours are really bad

I work in private sector and they definitely want their pound of flesh

Thing is, as payrise a are discretional in the private sector if you’re not seen to be putting the effort in/ hours in/results then you fear being overlooked for payrise/promotion

So even on a lower salary of £40k/£50k you’re working above your hours

I started on £35k and our base contracted hours are 45 hours a week.
Would easily do 50 each week

Public sector jobs come with security that you just don't get in the private sector. I wouldn't do it. Not a chance. If I get made redundant I get a month's salary for every year I've worked. You don't get that in the public sector

I agree that the job insecurity in the private sector is endemic and shit. But I don't understand your second point - a month for each year you've worked is surely a great package?

Slightly disturbing as a tax payer who has only ever worked in the private sector to hear all this lauding of cushy public sector jobs

I think you are either a person who strives on and pushes themselves out of their comfort zone and takes risks or you are not. It’s not just about the money though that’s a large part of it of course. Dh and I are in the former category. Neither right nor wrong but seems to be a mismatch between op and the dh in mindset. His decision would baffle me too