For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

[Pollyspocketrocket]

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

There are of course examples where the reverse is true. Teaching is one.

a month for each year you've worked is surely a great package?

Not if it happens soon after you start.

No it's a definite. No one pays 68% more unless they are expecting alot more.

They want his specific expertise as per the OP.

All this 'hours' stuff never also takes into account that some people achieve a lot more in less time than others. There isn't a reliable relationship between hours worked and work done.

They want him to do a job, not sleep in the office.

It's not the same hours. Office hours are the same. But as everyone agrees, it will require work outside office hours, alot

Really? Everyone agrees? I left the public sector for the private sector (many years ago when the gold plated pension was still a thing). I earned a lot more money for the same level of job and had a lot less stress, a lot less hours. I loved my colleagues in both jobs - that is a function of the individual workplace, not its private or public nature.

As I moved up the ladder I took on more responsibility but its simply not true that more money/private sector automatically means more hours and stress.

Early 30s is very young to "settle" for a cozy job because its very likely to change long before retirement. If the industry changes under you after 20 yrs of the easy life it can be very hard to move.

I've watched too many people made redundant in their 40s after 20yrs in one place who then struggled to find work, even with in demand skills. They were unable to demonstrate flexibility and adaptability in their career histories.

Neither right nor wrong but seems to be a mismatch between op and the dh in mindset.

No there isnt. OP said she has progressed in her job, like her dh.

But her job wont have any progression for a while until she gains years more experience. However, despite her wanting a bigger household income, now. She is staying where she is. She isnt putting herself out of her comfort zone or taking risks either.

Despite it being her that wants the money.

But scars in many/most/all...? public sector roles you get a week for each year as per the statutory. Definitely it was the case in teaching anyway.

Money isn't everything and the private sector works differently and isn't always as secure.

It's his job, his choice.

Slightly disturbing as a tax payer who has only ever worked in the private sector to hear all this lauding of cushy public sector jobs hmm

You know we pay tax too right?

I'm actually paid more for my job in public sector than I was in private. The private company I worked for are absolutely shocking, they are horrible to their employees. I feel no guilt in moving. I'm treated better, paid better and have a more fulfilling job.

@C8H10N4O2 read the thread. Yes, even people who disagree with eachother agree it will be more hours

Your unicorn job isnt common.

If he wants to settle that's up to him.

If OP thinks it's too young to settle she can stop settling for her own career and do something else.

Public sector jobs come with security that you just don't get in the private sector

That was true 30 years ago, its not been true for decades. It disappeared along with the "gold plated" pensions.

Private sector is shit. They treat you like shit. You do not work the hours they give you, you work a ton more.

I work for a mix of sectors from a private sector company. The worst examples of workplace bullying, excess hours and poor working conditions I see are in the public sector. Its no inducement to consider returning.

The OP clearly says

he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day..

So the dh. The person who went to the interview, the person who has to do the job is aware that he is expected to work over his contracted hours.

I think it's safe to assume, he knows better the situation better than OP or people who keep insisting that occassionally you do t work more hours in the private sector.

Actually we've no idea whether they want him to do a job not sleep in the office! There are plenty of employers out there who don't understand that there isn't a reliable relationship between hours worked and quality and quantity of work done.

scars he doesn't know that's the point. He knows what he has now and that his job is relatively flexible/ manageable. He is not sure because he doesn't know any more than you do

C8H10N4O2 read the thread. Yes, even people who disagree with eachother agree it will be more hours

I read the thread, plenty of people are saying this is an assumption based on no facts.

My job is not that unusual, it doesn't require me to put on a horn and glitter.
I was one of a great many people leaving that public sector area at the time. People still come into my industry from the public sector and earn more money for less stress.

The horrors of the private sector are a myth. The public sector is where I see the worst working practices these days but unlike PPs I think its stupid to generalise along the lines of "all public=good, all private-bad".

Settling into a cozy billet in your early 30s is risky wherever it is. It limits your future prospects and you have no idea what the future will bring.

I agree boxed but many also do - it's weeding them out that's the trick that many people find to their detriment. But not all companies are like that either, I've worked for 2 that have worried far more about actual output.

So the dh. The person who went to the interview, the person who has to do the job is aware that he is expected to work over his contracted hours

No, read the OP, she says nothing of the sort. Quite explicitly the new job offers similar benefits and hours.

This is the reason she cites for him not wanting to change:
I think it’s very much fear of the unknown for DH. He’s a creature of habit and doesn’t particularly like change

If he was one of my 20 something children I'd encourage them to take the chance because frankly, its a lot easier to go back than to break out further down the career (when you may not have the choice).

@C8H10N4O2 public sector is not as secure in some ways as before but is still more secure than private in regards to protection from dismissal, contracts cancelled etc and the support provided.
I am public sector and have been for several decade, as are many of my friends, my dh & his friends/family are private - I'm shocked at what private firms get away with.

he doesn't know that's the point. He knows what he has now and that his job is relatively flexible/ manageable. He is not sure because he doesn't know any more than you do

And you know this how?

He has been and met them. He has a better idea and will probably even know what is expected. He has said one of the reasons is that he currently doesnt have to work over his hours. So yes, he is aware thats what's expected.

I read the thread, plenty of people are saying this is an assumption based on no facts

Apart from the fact that he has given it as a reason he doesnt want to move?

He has said he doesnt want to do that. So he must know they expect that.

Settling into a cozy billet in your early 30s is risky wherever it is. It limits your future prospects and you have no idea what the future will bring.

I can see that point. I change career completely in my 30s. However that his decision to make. OP is also settling, op wants the extra money. He is happy settling and not having the extra money.

So, op should be the one to do it? Why is she ok settling? When it's her that wants the money.

Wether it's a bad decision or good decision it's his decision.

I am public sector and have been for several decade, as are many of my friends, my dh & his friends/family are private - I'm shocked at what private firms get away with

Interestingly I've seen the opposite. In particular DP's public sector area was notorious for poor treatment of staff. Public sector jobs increasingly are one layer removed from the actual employer.

The point is, generalisations that "public sector is safe/easy" and "Private sector bad/horrible" are simply not valid. If the DH has a specifc expertise which is in demand the private sector company is likely to want to look after him and keep him. It makes no business sense to treat someone badly who has specialist skills and whom you need as its too easy for them to leave.

No, read the OP, she says nothing of the sort. Quite explicitly the new job offers similar benefits and hours.

My quote was from the OP. It was acute and paste. He doesnt eant to work more hours and likes switching off when he finishes

Ops opinion is that he us afraid of change. The man, who is making this decision gave the working hours as ine of his reasons.

OP has simply ignored that and decided it's because he is afraid of change.

Jesus. When did it become ok to ignore what your partner actually says, decide its another reason and have the reason labelled as factually correct?

Just because OP says she thinks it's fear of change, doesnt make it true surely it makes more sense to listen to what he actually said

And you know this how?

Because that is what the OP says, and unless you are the DH or the DH's current employer you are in no position to gainsay her.

The OP may well change career in the future, this discussion is about the current opportunity which is with him. She has previously taken risks and changed to get to her current salary, she may well do again to reach the next rung of the ladder. However that isn't the discussion here.

I've done the same job in public and private sector. Private sector obviously covers a massive range of employers from places with just one other employee besides the owner to massive multinational corporations.

I have mostly worked in the latter, and the earning potential is far, far more. I get more opportunities for training, the work is more flexible than the public sector was, I get more holiday allowance, better pension contributions and other benefits. I get an annual bonus. And I don't work all the hours sent - some colleagues are very focussed on being out of the door as soon as they've done their hours.

Plus the people tend to be more dynamic, IME. Large private sector employers can afford to attract some great people. I liked most of the people I worked with in the public sector, but they could have a very parochial outlook.

No two employers are the same - even different departments in the same organisation can develop different cultures, particularly in large organisations.

I'm still in touch with people from former jobs, so leaving doesn't mean you will never hear from them again.

I would look very closely at the details of the job offer, but I would be unlikely to go back to the public sector.

He may like his colleagues where he is, but it doesn't take much (a couple of people leave, a wanker line manager joins...) for that to change.

It's substantially the same role, and as a people person, I'm sure he could forge good relationships in his new workplace.

Why does he work anyway? For money, I.presume. It's a no-brainer.

He is clearly worried about it and moving is a risk. That doesn't mean that his fears are founded, however. They may or may not be. He may move and love it or he may not.

It's his decision but filling the thread with doom and gloom about how everyone in the private sector works till 10pm a day and ends up off with stress isn't helping him in making the right decision as it just isn't true. Someone's great aunt might have had a bad experience but it doesn't mean he will.