For wanting DH to leave a job he loves for a huge pay rise?

[Pollyspocketrocket]

DH works in the public sector in a senior management role. He works in a specialist field which is very much in demand, particularly in the private sector where the same type of role attracts a much higher salary. DH has been headhunted by a large private company who (following interview) have offered him a significant package including a salary increase of 68%. The employer is offering the same working hours per week, same home working arrangements for part of the week and the same annual leave allocation as DH receives with his current employer. The pension scheme is slightly less favourable but his prospective employer is offering health and life insurance which DH doesn’t currently have with his existing employer.

Since DH has been offered the job he’s now not sure he wants to take it. His argument is that money isn’t everything it’s the great working relationship with all of his colleagues, which makes a big difference to his day. He loves going to work and as an employer they’ve been good - he’s free to work flexibly and doesn’t have to work over his contracted hours or carry any stress with him when he leaves for the day.

AIBU in thinking that no one in their right mind would turn down such a large pay rise? The pay increase alone would enable us to clear our mortgage within the next few years and set ourselves up nicely for our future if we decide to have DC or alternatively, drop down our working hours in later life (I’m late 20s, DH early 30s) AIBU?

Im actually posting as someone who left a job I love for a step up the career ladder and increase in salary and guess what I wish I hadn't!

Unless you really need the money I.e. have debt to pay off, then I completely understand why your DH wants to stay in his current job. I would kill for a job that I loved and looked forward to going to every day. He's clearly not unambitious as he's reached a senior role in the public sector.
And he most probably does have life insurance in that a lump sum will be paid to you if the worst happens. Private health insurance isn't really necessary. DH has it and he has yearly health checks but if they find anything that just write to his GP asking them to refer to the relevant NHS team.

People are so scared and cautious! Change is good

And that's entirely up to them. I had a career change, earn far more than I thought I ever would. I take calculated risks.

It's not that hard to work out that not everyone is like that. They dont have to be like that. Taking risks, embracing change isnt the 'better' way to live

He is happy. Thats enough.

It’s his decision, not yours.

At the end of the day, he is the one who has to go to work in the new job, not you. If he goes and hates it, he may well start to resent you if he feels you pushed him into it. And if he doesn't take the job, are you going to constantly cast it up to him? Either way, there could be problems.

@purplelila2 me too. i got lucky after a couple of years - reorganisation led to my role being downgraded . i’m so much happier now.

@myself2020 I absolutely hate my new job and every Sunday I'm filled with dread.

I have honestly never felt this way about going to work before and would rather not have that extra money and be happy.
Just not worth it

God the self righteousness! There’s nothing morally wrong about seeking optimum remuneration for your skills

Optimum renumeration means different things to different people. It's not the same as highest possible renumeration, regardless of what the other conditions are. Optimum might mean the most money per hour you can get in a job you like. The likelihood is that in a private sector role with a substantially higher salary they're going to want more hours: that, in combination with the increased tax and the lower pension contribution from the employer might well mean the likely extra hours do not result in a net gain that he considers optimum.

And there's been plenty of self righteousness from people who agree with OP...

@purplelila2 i was the same. that reorganisation was my lifesaver!

£1700 is not to be sneezed at but from what you say you don't actually need it, you are more than comfortable already with a household income at 2.5 times the average and still double the average for London
your DP needs to way up whether it is truly worth it, being realistic he knows it is not the same hours in reality even if it is on paper
I took a huge pay cut and changed jobs as no amount of exotic holidays and nice food compensated for the hating going to work the other 45 weeks I now have to budget very carefully we holiday in UK at my parents or in a cottage but my health is better as not stressed

Ok from the OP, I'd have said YABU. I think job satisfaction is important, and my DH (for eg) is in a similar situation to the one originally described in that he has a Dr in a very specific field which is highly paid privately, but he opted for public sector/ education to work in which is of course not nearly as highly paid, but more flexible, and has/had a decent pension. He does have opportunities for advancement every few years, which he takes.

I digress, but it's related. The OP's situation, what changed my mind is that her DH's job allows no room for a raise, which makes me think he is as high a he can achieve in this job. So is he happy staying doing this job, at this pay, forever? Also the pension options, one of the updates suggests the current pension isn't very good so that takes away one of the only other reasons I could think of for staying.

It still comes down to what he's happy with, of course. It's his job, he spends most of his life doing it so it's important that he enjoys it. However given the fact he seems to have hit the ceiling in his current role, if I were him I would consider the move.

*The OP's situation, what changed my mind is that her DH's job allows no room for a raise, which makes me think he is as high a he can achieve in this job. So is he happy staying doing this job, at this pay, forever?&

Why not?

And who is to say a more senior job wont come up eventually.

Ops job is currently stagnant for several years. What if that stagnated further?

Why should she get to stay where she is but him have to move because he could earn more. But loose out on free time.

Also the pension options, one of the updates suggests the current pension isn't very good so that takes away one of the only other reasons I could think of for staying

The pension’s not as good as public sector pensions used to be, it’s still better than almost any private scheme and has death in service benefits.

I earn a similar amount to the dh in this situation and I would not seek or take promotion if offered. I’m very happy in my current role doing my current job. Any promotion would involve more stress and I’m not prepared to sacrifice my work/life balance for more money.

From the sounds of it, he is probably already earning a decent salary for someone at a relatively early stage of their working lives. Money isn't everything and looking to be mortgage free before 40 is a luxury most of us have zero chance of achieving.
You are not being unreasonable for wanting him to take the opportunity (there will be others!) but you WBVVVU for pressurising him into going for it if that is not what he wants.

I think an extra 1700 a month wouldn’t clear most people’s mortgages in 10 years time though

Even more so if you decide to enjoy some of the extra hard earned money rather than putting it all on the mortgage

OP - you see money, money, money...and all the ways in which you can spend it.
It's rather shallow and says a lot about your values.

At least his heart is free of greed....and he values happiness, good working relationships, peace of mind and feeling fulfilled in the job that you do.

If money and materialism is THAT important to you then go out and make it happen for yourself.
So what if you don't pay your mortgage off early? Hardly the end of the world. Maybe YOU could cut out treats, holidays, nights out etc in order to pay your mortgage off early?

Most spouses want their other half to feel happy and stress free at work - yet the only thing that matters to you is him bringing in even more 'money' that you actually don't need.

My DH decided to leave a manergers postions in retail after our 2nd child was born due to the fact he worked away from home alot.
He stayed with the company but took a massive 50% decrease in his wage! Obviously this did hit us, but we managed and got used to it quickly.
Overall DH was happy that he saw his children more, and was able to support me with there daily up bringing.
Money doesn't make the world go round, and we both agree we would rather have the wage decrease and him seeing the children more than having more money.

There is no easy answer to this one, it needs to be his decision and then whichever way it goes he only has himself to blame if he thinks he's made the wrong one down the line!

Public sector jobs come with security that you just don't get in the private sector. I wouldn't do it. Not a chance. If I get made redundant I get a month's salary for every year I've worked. You don't get that in the public sector

OP I think this really is you DH decision but one where you both should discuss. Every time an opportunity comes along for me or DH we both say how we feel and ultimately the person who is affected the most decides.

I work in the private sector for a financial company and I love love love it. The people, the company (very & big well known) have always been supportive. I’ve worked the hours they told me I would. I have a perfect work life balance. I spend time with my family so don’t miss out on anything.
When I first took the role many people said I was making a mistake but at the time I so so miserable in my other roleI and really just wanted to get out of that environment (less pay, longer hours, worse benefits). I have never looked back and see myself eventually retiring here.

There really is no right or wrong answer but the ultimate decision needs to be your DH. I made the decision to take a higher paid job and my husband always said he would support whatever I decided.

I’m always grateful to him for this and know that had I decided not to take this position he would have supported that also.

I don’t think you are being grabby or greedy, you are simply looking at an opportunity that has come for your family and looking at all the benefits of it to make both your lives easier in the long run. All you need to be mindful of is to ensure your DH is not coerced into something.

I would 100% do it if I were him, but as his partner I wouldn’t feel I had the right to pressure him to take it. I would probably feel a bit frustrated deep down but it is completely his choice. I have recently taken on a more stressful job for more money. I miss my old job so much as I loved it but I am making my new one work for me and finding ways to deal with the stress. I am v career minded however, he obviously isn’t.

I used to do a do that was ok but loved the people I worked with... people come and go, I started a new job and the people were even better and it turned into a job where I stayed for 14 years... and my colleague was one of my bridesmaids - no, money isn’t everything and the grass isn’t always greener but for 60+% in rear I’d give it a go...(assuming I thought I could do the job!)

@NemophilistRebel £1700 a month for 10 years is 204,000 they are already paying interest so it would all be capital reduction, as they reduce capital the amount of present monthly payment going on interest would be reducing all the time so in actual fact the real amount they would clear would be considerably more than 200K

the vast majority of peoples mortgages are under 200K
the average salary is about 29K and max borrowing is 4.5 times which is 131k
average house price in whole of UK is 232K take away 10% deposit and yes 200k would be about right for average mortgage
the average mortgage however is much less than 90% of purchase price

the vast majority of peoples mortgages are under 200K

I'm surprised it's that low