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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think MIL is crazy and can't be trusted with DD?

370 replies

Tulips26 · 24/01/2020 08:42

So MIL always seemed a bit strange, but never thought she would do this.

We have a 5 month old DD and live 3 hours away from her so she's been complaining since DD was born that it's so unfair and why can't I change jobs and move to her town. The last few months she's been asking almost every day to have DD over for a whole weekend 'alone', which is tricky to arrange because we live so far. And I'm also still breastfeeding so haven't been able to leave her more than 3 hours.

I got tired of her asking and asking and finally agreed. I pumped every day for 2 weeks to get enough milk for a weekend and we booked a B&B near Mil's house so we'd be close if she had any problems.

I thought MIL would be ecstatic to get the 'girls' weekend with DD she'd been begging for, but she was furious we'd booked a B&B so close to her house, said we didn't trust her and should have booked somewhere at least 1 hour away.

To be honest I wasn't really comfortable leaving DD alone for that much time with ANYONE, but I felt so pressured to keep the peace.

We dropped her off just before lunchtime on Saturday and had a nice day alone just me and DH. I phoned MIL at 7 to ask how things were going and to say goodnight to DD but her phone went straight to voicemail. Phoned a few more times, no answer and forty minutes later I decided I needed to check everything was fine and went to MIL's house.

I found DD screaming being looked after by MIL's other granddaughter who is 12 (our DD's cousin). MIL is nowhere to be found.

Our niece explains she's been really interested in babies and MIL said she could get work experience looking after DD while MIL went to the cinema!! What the hell??

I was fuming, phoned my SIL shouting but SIL wasn't aware this had happened and was extremely apologetic, picked up her daughter straight away.

MIL finally got home after her movie night with friends and started shouting at us for checking up on DD, saying everything was under control and that our niece was perfectly capable of looking after a baby and we should be encouraging her skills and giving her the experience of looking after a baby herself.

I left in tears and we drove home straight away. MIL keeps calling but I'm refusing to talk to her.

I've told her she can never look after DD without us present again. Not keen on visiting her for a long time either. SIL and DH both say I'm overreacting a little bit and that it was bad, but not that bad!!?!

OP posts:
Lizzie030869 · 25/01/2020 07:53

It's clearly all about manipulation and control, not about wanting to bond with her DGD at all. Horrible woman, in your shoes I'd be going LC or NC, depending on whether my DH stepped up to the plate and was prepared to put firm boundaries in place.

user1480880826 · 25/01/2020 08:07

Everything about this situation is awful. Your MIL has behaved appallingly. However, you should never have agreed to leave a small baby with a virtual stranger (to your baby) who had pressured you into doing it. Your baby must have been extremely stressed.

I would never let the MIL look after your child again.

Sadiee88 · 25/01/2020 08:23

@Tulips26 I would never have agreed! A 12 year old can practice on a doll ffs.
Think you are overreacting do they?! Well I’d have felt like calling the police!!!!!
Yes it IS that bad. If it ISN’T that bad, then why did she plan this without your knowledge and LIE to you???????

What a stupid, manipulative, lying piece of squit she is.

AngryI am furious for you.

NoSauce · 25/01/2020 08:51

You seem to have a hobby in catching out OPs, I've seen you doing this on other threads. Why are you so invested in whether internet randoms are genuine?

You’re happy to give your time and energy to people that aren’t? Odd.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 25/01/2020 08:57

I think I’d have Left MIL to come back to an empty house and have her panic where everyone was.

Spidey66 · 25/01/2020 09:13

Bonkers woman.

showmewhatyougot · 25/01/2020 09:38

I'm angry for you :(

Remember to read back this thread when people try and get you to trust MIL again.

I would never leave my child with this woman, even for a 5 minute appointment!

A 12 year old, no matter how mature, does not have the mental capacity to cope with an emergency correctly, and sadly if your child have a random temperature spike or small emergency, a 12 year old wouldn't know what to do, and could be deadly.

Davespecifico · 25/01/2020 09:47

She probably chucked the breast milk down the sink and gave her chocolate milk instead.

Mamabear88 · 25/01/2020 09:52

What on earth!? Why would she pester you to watch her and then when you cave in go out to the cinema with her friends?! Unbelievable and totally unacceptable. What was she thinking? I'd be furious. Anything could have happened. Don't trust her and never leave your child alone with her EVER AGAIN.

MamaWeGotThis · 25/01/2020 10:14

I can't believe she thought that would be ok and why beg to have the baby then go out?!
Has she tried to make contact since OP?

justilou1 · 25/01/2020 10:32

I agree with suggestions that SIL had plans to do this from the outset. YWNBU to yell at her.

amusedbush · 25/01/2020 10:34

Your 12yo DN may be mature compared to other 12yos but she is nowhere near being an adult. Your MIL has behaved outrageously and the fact that family members are already trying to downplay it is worrying.

Lizzie030869 · 25/01/2020 10:44

NoSauce I don't dot hate in actual fact, I report them to MNHQ and leave it there for them to sort out whether they're trolls or not. As per the rules. What I don't do is bore everyone else by showing off how good I am at spotting trolls online. It isn't your job to prove it. End of.

Lizzie030869 · 25/01/2020 10:44

'Don't do that'

Effiedg · 25/01/2020 16:45

Is it even legal to leave a twelve year old home alone? Let alone leave a twelve year old home alone with a baby?

beethebee · 25/01/2020 17:01

Omg! Shock

I often think people are uptight about their DC and tend to wrap them in cotton wool way too much. Im a pretty relaxed parent in general.

But this situation would make me Lose. My. Shit.

No way MIL would ever have my DC alone again.

WarrenNicole · 25/01/2020 18:19

I can’t believe what I have just read.

This is pure neglect. If anything would have happened, there would have been criminal proceedings here, it is that bad.

I keep thinking over and over about how I would have reacted and I seriously think I would have called the police and/or social services. This is a situation that needs dealt with appropriately given the level of neglect involved.

I can’t believe your DH and SIL think it wasn’t that bad. It is that bad. It is worse than that!

newbingepisodes · 25/01/2020 18:46

I wouldn't have left my 5 month old when BF or even if I wasn't BF.

NoSauce · 25/01/2020 21:40

What I don't do is bore everyone else by showing off how good I am at spotting trolls online

Couldn’t give a toss what people think. If someone is being inconsistent in their posts and I notice it, I will ask them why.

That is not breaking talk guidelines.

Tistheseason17 · 25/01/2020 21:56

This is outrageous, almost in realms of unbelievable Hmm

OP has disappeared....

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