To think MIL is crazy and can't be trusted with DD?

[Tulips26]

So MIL always seemed a bit strange, but never thought she would do this.

We have a 5 month old DD and live 3 hours away from her so she's been complaining since DD was born that it's so unfair and why can't I change jobs and move to her town. The last few months she's been asking almost every day to have DD over for a whole weekend 'alone', which is tricky to arrange because we live so far. And I'm also still breastfeeding so haven't been able to leave her more than 3 hours.

I got tired of her asking and asking and finally agreed. I pumped every day for 2 weeks to get enough milk for a weekend and we booked a B&B near Mil's house so we'd be close if she had any problems.

I thought MIL would be ecstatic to get the 'girls' weekend with DD she'd been begging for, but she was furious we'd booked a B&B so close to her house, said we didn't trust her and should have booked somewhere at least 1 hour away.

To be honest I wasn't really comfortable leaving DD alone for that much time with ANYONE, but I felt so pressured to keep the peace.

We dropped her off just before lunchtime on Saturday and had a nice day alone just me and DH. I phoned MIL at 7 to ask how things were going and to say goodnight to DD but her phone went straight to voicemail. Phoned a few more times, no answer and forty minutes later I decided I needed to check everything was fine and went to MIL's house.

I found DD screaming being looked after by MIL's other granddaughter who is 12 (our DD's cousin). MIL is nowhere to be found.

Our niece explains she's been really interested in babies and MIL said she could get work experience looking after DD while MIL went to the cinema!! What the hell??

I was fuming, phoned my SIL shouting but SIL wasn't aware this had happened and was extremely apologetic, picked up her daughter straight away.

MIL finally got home after her movie night with friends and started shouting at us for checking up on DD, saying everything was under control and that our niece was perfectly capable of looking after a baby and we should be encouraging her skills and giving her the experience of looking after a baby herself.

I left in tears and we drove home straight away. MIL keeps calling but I'm refusing to talk to her.

I've told her she can never look after DD without us present again. Not keen on visiting her for a long time either. SIL and DH both say I'm overreacting a little bit and that it was bad, but not that bad!!?!

What the fuck? You're not being unreasonable. Your MIL is batshit.

Batshit crazy. Never again. Your DH needs to have a firm word.

Not a chance in hell would I leave my 5 month old baby with anyone for the weekend unless it was my idea! They're not toys to hand around. I don't know why you agreed to this.

Yanbu at all. I would have been the same!

This is mental and not ok in any way shape or form.

That is absolutely batshit. I wouldn't have anything to do with her ever again.

Just wow! I'm usually quite "meh" about MIL and grandkids stories but that was outrageous, not just with regard to your baby but also putting her young 12 year GD in that position. You (and your SIL) are justified in being furious

Omg, I cant believe what I have just read!!! YANU

Yanbu at all. She would never have my child alone again.

Lots wrong with this scenario tbh. She shouldn't have been pressuring you, you shouldn't have given in, she shouldn't have left DD with a babysitter without telling you and even if she had told you, a 12-year-old babysitter is never okay.

Nope. My MIL was always doing things with DD I wouldn’t approve of so later on she could tell me it was fine and I was being ridiculous.

Wtf. You are not over reacting at all. I would have absolutely nothing to do with the woman ever again.

I would also be have strong words with your dh and let him see how fucking unreasonable his mother has been and also how bad he is being by not sticking up for and your DD

Tbh your first mistake was giving in to the pressure to let a breastfed 5mo spend a whole weekend away. I'm not saying she isn't bonkers, she clearly is, but as a mother you've got to be that protective tiger and let other people's shit bounce off you.

Where is your DH? You didn't even mention him. Why is he not backing you up? Why is he not taking the lead on dealing with his insane mother.

Jesus! No way would she be having unsupervised contact again. I have a five month old DS and we're letting PIL and SIL look after him for an hour this weekend while we're at a meeting 5 mins away (I should add that SIL is in her thirties and a GP too!). That's my absolute limit for now.

And tell you dh and sil it really is that bad.

I adore my granddaughter, I've never asked to look after her. We also live a few hours away and miss her so much, still don't impose my wants on her parents.

You need to learn to say no.

She’s fucking insane.
But in the kindest way possible I also thing you were slightly too people pleasing to leave your 5 month breastfed baby with a relative stranger. She doesn’t see her granny daily and wouldn’t be expected to have any real attachment to her yet as she’s so young. So you were a little at fault for not just building up from a few hours to an overnight etc rather than giving in to the weekend thing. Sorry.

Absolutely not OP you are definitely not overreacting and your Dh should be backing you up in this situ.

What was the frigging point of all the begging to have DD for a weekend if at the first instance she f*cks off to the cinema?!

12 is far far far too young to look after a 5 month old alone. She could have got "experience" with the baby whilst your mil was there to supervise her. What if baby had got extremely ill v quickly or had an accident, mil was uncontactable?!

My main issue is the obvious deception, you have every right to know where your kid is at all time and who they are with.

Stick to your guns. No more unsupervised contact for mil, she had her chance and she royally f*cked it up by her deception and downright stupidity and risk taking. Dont see her for as long as you need to.

You or preferably OH needs to lay it on the line how bang out of order she was to do this.

Not over reacting at all, I can’t get my head round why she would do that. I also think the obsession for grandparents to have grandchildren by themselves is weird; my mum and mil love seeing a lot of DD but there was never any pressure to see her alone. I don’t get why it’s important

That's totally crazy. Not a chance I'd leave her alone with my child ever again.

I think people are being a little too kind here. OP you should never have agreed to this. Yes your MIL is clearly unhinged but you should have just said a very firm "no".

If DH and SIL are thinking it's not that bad, what kind of crazy stuff did their mother do when they were growing up!?

Show your DH and sil this thread, then they will know you are definitely not being over the top!

Mil is toxic and manipulative, as well as bat shit.....

Do not engage with her, that is down to your dh/dp.

He needs to tell his dm that he no longer trusts her and will not be having your baby unsupervised for years at least.

He needs to state it as fact and not get drawn into a discussion about it. Firm bounderies is a must.

I am an your behalf.

I have no words. That's crazy and you did absolutely the right thing. I would have told her straight and then get DH to do the same-completely unacceptable behaviour. Your baby, your rules! Do not feel pressured by her again.