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Original poster

To think it is harder to have an only child than more?

294 replies

Rosehip345 · 23/01/2020 21:33

Just that really. Been having a discussion with friends, all with at least one child up to four.
From my experience I think it is harder to have one as they need the constant attention that siblings give each other. Plus the teaching them to share, occupy themselves etc?
Just intrigued to know others thoughts and how many you have?

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 23/01/2020 22:19

I think yabu. I have 2, boys, small age gap. They are, in many ways, amazing. But Jesus Christ the squabbling is a thing to behold. Everything. Who goes upstairs first. Who gets out of the bath first, in the car first. Who had the toy first, he snatched it/hit me/pushed me/I want that/It's MINE .

Etc. And its only going to get worse as dc2 knows his own mind and at almost 3 has come to the conclusion that older doesn't mean in charge. So he's starting to disagree more loudly and with passion.

My good friend has 1, and often trots out the reasoning that her dc wants her attention more. It's bollocks. I can barely leave the room sone days before chaos and destruction erupts.

PurpleSproutingSomething · 23/01/2020 22:21

I have one and it's mostly a piece of piss. Obviously he'll do all the things multiples do, but it's only him.
I'm one of six. I definitely have it easy.

StoppinBy · 23/01/2020 22:25

We have a 2 yr old and a 6yr old. It is definitely harder than having just one. They need to be watched all the time or they argue over toys etc (our eldest has ADHD so that does add in another dimension).

One was easy and having one alone is easy on the times when they are separate (ie, one is with my husband and one is with me). They both want your attention rather than just one child wanting your attention.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/01/2020 22:26

One was so easy & lovely. Number 2 arrived 5 months ago and at the moment it's honestly a nightmare. Number 1 can't cope with the drop in attention so behaviour is awful. Number 2 is having to slot into the routine of number 1's pre school drops & as a result sleep is suffering badly so she is tired and cries a lot. I feel like a guilty mama doing a crap job parenting either of them most of the time.

Holding out in the hope it will be easier in a year or two.

DoctorNicoleWatterson · 23/01/2020 22:27

I'm with you Op, I have three and think much easier than one, but probably helps that they get on.

BlimeyCalmDown · 23/01/2020 22:29

In my experience one is very portable and slots into my life very simply (within reason!) also i could give lots of attention to her as well as having plenty time for myself, plus much cheaper. Also after school stuff x 1 much easier re money and logistics.

NeckPainChairSearch · 23/01/2020 22:33

I agree OP. I've found it easier as our family grew. It helps that they're close in age and get along pretty well most of the time, but I'm firmly on the side of finding several children much easier than one!

I see the way they play together and I accept that as much as I love being with them and playing with them/spending time with them, I'm not another child, and I can't quite occupy the same play-space that another child can.

DesLynamsMoustache · 23/01/2020 22:33

I'm pretty sure there's research that suggested parents of only children tend to be happier than those of multiples (particularly the woman, which speaks volumes about division of labour when it comes to child-rearing) which does suggest it's easier in very broad terms.

Dylaninthemovies1 · 23/01/2020 22:34

We just have one and at times I find it hard work (I work 30 hours a week, as does DH)

But Jeezy peeps, when I see my friends with more than one kid, I know I’ve got it easy

atomicblonde30 · 23/01/2020 22:36

I have three, one is infinitely easier (for me that is)

Chickoletta · 23/01/2020 22:37

My two are best friends really and are happy to play with each other most of the time without ever really asking to have friends round etc. So yes, definitely easier in terms of keeping them occupied at home.

Both have pretty time consuming hobbies though and this is definitely harder the more you have - the logistics of getting a number of children to different places, with the right stuff at the same time is significantly more difficult than doing this for one.

DesLynamsMoustache · 23/01/2020 22:38

This is really interesting too:

theconversation.com/having-a-second-child-worsens-parents-mental-health-new-research-107806

But also speaks to the disproportionate burden women in general carry when it comes to raising children.

Bluntness100 · 23/01/2020 22:39

God no, one is easier, by a million miles. Organisation, logistics, cost, the lot. You still have a life with one.

And mine played by herself when my husband or I didn't wish to, and I loved and still love obviously spending time with her and chatting.

One is way easier, the more you have thr more difficult it becomes. From what I can see from my friends lives anyway.

Happymum12345 · 23/01/2020 22:40

It really depends on how they get along. I have three dc and they get on the majority of the time, very well. When two of them are away for the day/night with friends, the other one misses them so much, that, yes, having one is harder!

Spied · 23/01/2020 22:41

Life was easier with one child in my experience.
My two have very different personalities and clash.

Spikeyball · 23/01/2020 22:42

If I had more than one it would definitely be harder work than it is at the moment but looking after my one is harder work than looking after most people's two or three children.

MuchTooTired · 23/01/2020 22:42

I have twins, so only had one kid for 4 minutes. Today’s been a reasonably good day, so I feel having an only must be quite difficult in many ways, and harder.

Yesterday however, was a bad day. Two toddlers tantruming and crying/screeching/whinging/fighting/refusing to do as they were asked/told and being general nightmares had me muttering to myself about why humans tend to have babies one by one and not in multiples. So I would’ve said having one would be easy!

I love my DTs dearly obviously, and the bad days are just that - bad days!

I think having kids is just hard, however many you have.

ploughingthrough · 23/01/2020 22:43

I've got two , they're 4.5 and 7 now and really good pals. They entertain each other nicely a lot of the time and save me from playing Lego and other games. So on a personal level id agree with you.

MarthasGinYard · 23/01/2020 22:43

'Plus the teaching them to share'

Ridiculous

Chocowoka · 23/01/2020 22:43

Having more than one doesn’t always mean they’ll play and entertain each other. It could work the other way and they could argue like cat and dog and not share etc...

I think having one child is definitely not harder than having two!

You only have one to consider and look after. When you have two you’ve got to keep them both happy when you go out somewhere etc...

Financially it’s cheaper having one.

When they’re poorly chances are the other ones going to get so more sleepless nights

There’s more demands the more children you have IMO.

5oclocksomewhere · 23/01/2020 22:44

One is one
Two is twenty

MereDintofPandiculation · 23/01/2020 22:44

From my experience I think it is harder to have one as they need the constant attention that siblings give each other. The thing about only children is that they tend to learn how to amuse themselves, which is very useful in adulthood.

Ragwort · 23/01/2020 22:44

Surely one must be easier Confused, I stopped (happily) at one child and can't believe some of the stressed out lives that people I know with more than one child lead .... but so few people seem to think about it before having more than one.
Obviously depends on the child but my DS was/is very chilled out and apart from the usual teenage years life has been, mainly, stress free. I don't recall endless questions about 'why is the sky blue' etc & he was very happy and chilled playing on his own.
In fact only the other day (as an 18 year old) he said to me how much he appreciated our quiet and stress free home life Grin.

DesLynamsMoustache · 23/01/2020 22:48

I don't really understand the 'teaching them to share' thing, as that's something you have to do with every child, and it often starts early enough that they're still an only anyway.

PumpkinP · 23/01/2020 22:51

I hate when people say this. Like hate it. I have 4 and it is incredibly hard. I hate when people say “atleast they have each other” or “atleast they play together” mine are like chalk and cheese and fight from the moment they wake up to the moment they sleep. They don’t get on and fight constantly. If they are not fighting they are ganging up and teasing the youngest. I can’t spend 1:1 time with any of them as I don’t get a break. They talk over each other all the time and refuse to wait for their turn to speak so they end up just constantly shouting. Shopping is a nightmare trying to supervise 4 when out and about. Washing never ends, cleaning never ends. When I had one it was a walk in the park! When the oldest 3 are at school and I’m alone with the youngest it’s bliss not to hear the shouting and fighting and constant need for attention. So no I don’t think one is harder and genuinely struggle to see how people believe it is. But then I’m a lone parent so I do it all alone. Might not be so bad if you have a partner.