To think it is harder to have an only child than more?

[Rosehip345]

Just that really. Been having a discussion with friends, all with at least one child up to four.
From my experience I think it is harder to have one as they need the constant attention that siblings give each other. Plus the teaching them to share, occupy themselves etc?
Just intrigued to know others thoughts and how many you have?

No-one can give a definitive answer.

I have one child, who is super easy. Yes, she’s more demanding of my time than my husband’s two boys were on his - close in age, got on well. But you could have two demanding kids, or one who is a bookworm...

Any and all combinations and levels of difficulty exist 🤷🏻‍♀️

@HeddaGarbled unfortunately they can’t pretend as it’s very obvious every time the kids mix with each other! Be much easier if they were!

How odd. I know lots of only children and have never come across this, despite the stereotype.

If you're talking about one particular child, assuming that they're NT, then perhaps the parents have just been crap about teaching these skills? There is nothing inherently difficult about teaching an only child how to share, and you shouldn't really generalise from one example.

If you're talking about multiple only children who all appear to have problems of the same nature, I'd be more inclined to think that you're misinterpreting the behaviour of these children through the lens of your own judgmental assumptions, perhaps because it makes you feel smug about your own large family or because you're trying to convince yourself that the parents of only children don't have an easier job than you do. But really, those old stereotypes are getting a bit tired now. Just give it a rest and focus on your own kids.

I very definitely agree 2 are easier than 1.

I've been in the position of having one for over a decade, then a pair, and it's no contest.

You must be outsourcing the upbringing of your second child to the first child @Notthebloodygym

How can having half the workload be harder? It just can't be - simple maths! YABU OP

Personality-wise, I think it's pretty much established that only children don't seem to turn out any different from children with siblings, long-term.

I had an 11 year age gap between dd1 & 2, but only 2y 9m between dd2& 3.

I loved being able to focus on dd1. We had our own little bubble and it was wonderful esp in the early years. Luckily I had a great friend with a child of similar age so dd1 also had the benefits of a buddy of same age. It was a lovely balance. We were very close.

Dd2 and 3 are regularly squabbling over my attention (prob not helped by fact I’m a single parent) but do play amazingly together most of the time. I wish I could get a lot more one on one time with each of them. I feel stretched.

yes, I do think parents of singletons work harder - or else they have to invite somebody else's child along

No. DD is 15, we take 3 holidays a year and she's never asked to bring a friend along. She's always liked hanging out with us, she makes friends easily and enjoys her own company.

She's bloody marvelous actually 😃

My life would have been much easier with 1 particularly as she was so easy going & slotted in. Having another tipped the balance but one of my former bosses really struggled in terms of attention, leaving him to his own devices etc. with her 1 as he got older plus I have siblings so knew 2 would be a minimum

I'm a single parent with two. I've always thought that a single child would be much harder. I've been able to leave them alone to entertain themselves since they were two.

(I should have said mine are twins- I think twins are easier than a singleton. Two kids spaced a few years apart looks exhausting to me!)

I think having one is easier. I have travelled all over the world with mud only dc. She's now 6 and o have been on trips alone with her as well that I probably wouldn't dare do without dh if I had more than one. It's much much easier things like parents evening school admin just for the one.

I also regularly have siblings round for play dates and I don't even know how on Earth people deal with sibling rivalry and bickering. I can't handle it for an hour play date. Perhaps it gets better as they get older but my own relationship to my siblings reminds me sometimes it doesn't!

I have multiple children and no one will convince me that having one is easier. My siblings have one each and they think that's easier.

For all the 'three would be a nightmare' comments, there's the 'I've seen how hard parents have to bloody work to entertain one child' ones.

The reality is that we can't experience it from the other's POV. You're all right, and so am I

Two siblings, close age gap, similar interests. DS1 has high functioning autism (which explains so much about the early years...)

Pros:
They entertain each other, especially regarding in depth minecraft analysis. I can have entire quiet hours where no intervention from me is required.
One at a time is blissful. In the summer, I send DS2 to sports club to vary his social scene, and have a quiet day with DS1
DS1 has learned a lot of social skills from DS2

Cons:
The fighting and bickering.
If one is pratting about, there's a high chance that the other will join in.
DS1 is not a natural sharer and doesn't really grasp "treat others as you want to be treated"
Extra activities/ school runs/ chores/ organising. Fortunately they overlap a lot due to age/ interests. On one day I have 4 school runs due to before/ after school activities. Fortunately they are now old enough to stay in for 5-10 mins and not be reluctantly dragged through the ordeal of shoes/ coat and a 2-3 minute walk that they didn't want to do.
Double reading/ spelling/ homework. Dyslexia sucks
The early years of trying to get outdoor layers on to two children and both out of the house without one of them napping/ crapping or needing a fees. Keeping them both alive in public when one wants to tantrum and the other bolt. I do not miss the pre-school years.
Missing half of DS2's birthday party because DS1 melted-down over teeth brushing and jealousy that DS2 was going to be coming home with presents.
My lap isn't really big enough to seat one anymore. It can not comfortably accommodate two... yet so often does.
I'm currently squished up in 1/4 of my bed while they hog the rest

I think the bickering balances out DS1 being able to minecraft with DS2 rather than monologuing me about it.

Two is not less work than one!
Saying that, DS1 has gained so much from DS2, and I think DS2 would need me so much more from me without DS1.

There is a really interesting thread on MN where someone asks about 4 kids and all the parents are all ‘yeah they all get equal attention and it’s a doddle’ and all the adult MNetters who were one of 4 were saying they hated it and chose to have no more than two. (I am generalising a bit but that’s the gist).
As someone said DS2 can’t receive the attention DS1 or equal attention because it’s not actively possible. From the moment he was born I had another child to look after. He’s almost never had long uninterrupted periods of 1:1 time in the same way DS1 did. And he doesn’t know any different.

Honestly, almost all the only kids I know can play really well independently because they have no choice. And some kids are good at sharing and some aren’t. Sibling or no sibling.

You're all right, and so am I

Hear! Hear!

Hahaha nope... on the days I might have just one of my children for some reason I am shocked at how puss easy it is...

You don't realise this until you have more than one...

I have three, my hardest days were three at home before Kindy and school started for any of them. Closely followed by the days last year when DS1 and DD1 were at school at DD2 was home with me. I could not believe how exhausting having one child at home was.

My friend with one DC was saying how exhausted she was after having him home all day and then apologised to me For complaining as I had three DC. I was able to say that I emphasised as the days home with 1 child are bloody exhausting. They want you All. The. Time.

One is super easy. YABU

Hahaha

Depends...its cheaper having one so in that respect easier.

*Hahaha nope... on the days I might have just one of my children for some reason I am shocked at how puss easy it is...

You don't realise this until you have more than one..*

^^
Also this

IMO one is easier. I have one, my sister two. Hers fight all the time!

Surely one is easier as a parent and when they are little but as they grow & as an adult more than one is easier? I'd be lost without my sisters.

I can see where you're coming from. I have one son and a stepson, and it is definitely easier when DSS is here.