To think it is harder to have an only child than more?

[Rosehip345]

Just that really. Been having a discussion with friends, all with at least one child up to four.
From my experience I think it is harder to have one as they need the constant attention that siblings give each other. Plus the teaching them to share, occupy themselves etc?
Just intrigued to know others thoughts and how many you have?

As per @goodytooshoes, people will always have an opinion on what you do as a parent, i have learned to ignore now and not let it bother me :-)
or for all

My son was an only child for 10 years until ds2 came along I would say it's a lot harder having 2, splitting yourself in 2 to give your attention to both children not to mention the financial aspect which is a lot more expensive

Different challenges!

With three girls including twins, every day is a play date in my house and most weekends involve a "sleep over" in a sibling's room. Less demanding but you have to referee. Swings and roundabouts.

Honestly more than one child is far more work @Rosehip345. always will be. Not only double the work but there's sibling rivalry too. It's okay that it is easier to have an only child, just own it.

And yes, I do think one of the complexities of having an only is entertainment, but if you think siblings spend hours entertaining each other you'd mostly be incorrect. So much depends on personalities, sometimes likes/dislikes, special needs, gender etc. And those days are short when they are playmates.

@RubysRoo Own it? Have you read the thread or just jumped to conclusions?

The consensus on Mumsnet is an 80/20 split that having an only child is easier. Within my friendship group of 10 we were split 50/50.

For myself personally I find having my four easier than having any only child. And my friends with only children struggle the most, followed by those with a very large gap. This is myself personally and a pretty small focus group, hence the post.

It all depends. Bigger age gaps mean much easier now as built in entertainment for the youngest. They really enjoy it though and she makes them feel happy when they’re playing around.

It's okay that it is easier to have an only child, just own it.

and it's ok that it is easier to have a bigger family.
People having different lives and circumstances doesn't mean they are judging you, why the need to take everything as a personal attack?

What about relationships, you will find many posters who find being single a lot easier, others who find having a partner easier. You have your own opinion based on your own life, but why the need to refuse that others are different? Are you so insecure that you take it personally?

we have 2. They fight.

Well thankfully the majority who voted agrees that it’s harder with more

I think some people are conflating 'only child' with 'first child'. Whether your child is an only or not, everyone has to go through the same learning curve with their first child, regardless of how many children they later go on to have.

Without doubt . A single child is much harder work as time goes by

I used to look after my friend's child in the holidays along with my 2. To be nice, I used to say "It's much easier having her here as they all go off and play".

I was really surprised when I realised she genuinely thought i was saying that having more kids was easier than just having one! Errr no, I was being polite.

I’ve been thinking about this again and I wonder does the answer change as the kids grow up.

I have two. It is hard. I frequently fantasise about having one child as I know (and it has been confirmed by nearly every parent of one child in this thread) that they enjoy pate ting one child.

Now for the flip of the coin. Leaving aside finance (reluctantly because it is a huge factor), I was wondering as the children age, does it become easier to have two or more children? When they are going to secondary, possibly travelling to and from school by themselves, when they want to talk to someone who isn’t an adult, when they want to just hang out during the summer holidays, I think having a sibling must be nicer but is it easier for parents too? My two are too young to know the answer.

I remember an (only) girl I went to school with lost her mum when she was heading into her teens. Her Dad was working and she was always on her own in the house, and often on her own at school and in the neighbourhood too. I remember, even as a child, feeling very sorry for her. She is married now with three children of her own.

I enjoy having one child. Less laundry, less expense, only one set of commitments with hobbies and school and homework. If I had more children I’d literally have no life. I suppose they’d play together but any time saved would be cancelled out by all the extra work they’d generate. It’s easy to have another child over to play then send them home and they’re no longer my responsibility! I suppose the only negative is my child has no family after parents die. But there’s no guarantee that siblings will be close anyway. DF has a brother and he emigrated to Australia so he might as well not have one. And DH has a sister who was always out at ballet so they rarely played together, and then she went off to London to be a dancer so we only see her 3-4 times a year.

Someone's two ( or three or four) may be less work than someone else's one or vice versa. It depends on the needs of the individual children and combinations of children.

Got one. Easy peasy. You have to teach your kids to share however many you've got, surely?

Tonnes of time to devote when younger. Easy to get babysitters.

Some people seem to assume only children are destined to grow up selfish and unkind and uncaring about others.

Totally not the case in my experience.

I have a well rounded, confident, kind, compassionate, animal loving, popular, witty 11yo DD

Yes. You have it MUCH harder than a mum of twins lol!

I had one for 7 years. It was super easy compared to 3 and he has severe, non verbal autism. I had two more a year apart and it was definitely not easier. They don’t have much to do with each other at all, let alone entertain each other.

I have four and it’s really hard. They don’t play together. It’s constant calls of mum’ from different directions. Different food tastes. Different hobbies. So I guess it must depend on the children but one would be a million times easier imo.

YABVU

Generally speaking, of course having several children is harder than just one. I have four and it is much, much harder than one. One would have been so easy!

There might be exceptions eg two easy going siblings close in age with similar interests but not all siblings get along well, entertain each other or have much in common. Many parents spend a lot of time breaking up disagreements!

I'm thinking perhaps your children/ your friends's children are fairly young still @Rosehip345 because of the potential advantages you describe. When they are teens that doesn't necessarily apply. You could have four lots of hormonal children to deal with.
Plus what about all the practical and financial implications of more children? More children are so much more expensive, the housework, cooking, laundry, driving around, practical, emotional support (particularly when they are older) with lots of children just doesn't compare to that needed for only one.

We had two, and after a long gap one more. The third isn't an only but she doesn't have a playmate at home.

As a toddler, she needs a lot more attention than they did, but I have a lovely relationship with her. My two teens like each other but there is no economy of time with two older kids. With a job and two teens i have no time for myself. When the third is a teen, I expect I will only have 1 kids worth of sports, driving, GCSE battles.

Generally speaking, of course having several children is harder than just one. I have four and it is much, much harder than one.

YOU find it harder, it doesn't mean it's harder for everybody.

I don't agree that you are drowning in house chores if you are well organised, I am most certainly not and I like a clean and tidy house.
More importantly, again, it's a million time easier because the mental load is so so much lighter. That is mainly what makes it easier.

We get that you find it easier JosefKeller you’ve said many many times. Most people DONT. And I’m unorganised and struggle with organising, just because you have 4 doesn’t mean you will be more organised like just because you have one doesn’t mean you can’t be.

I’m struggling to see how being responsible for the practical, educational, financial and emotional well being for four children is easier than one.

I’m drowning with the pressure of doing it for two.