To think it is harder to have an only child than more?

[Rosehip345]

Just that really. Been having a discussion with friends, all with at least one child up to four.
From my experience I think it is harder to have one as they need the constant attention that siblings give each other. Plus the teaching them to share, occupy themselves etc?
Just intrigued to know others thoughts and how many you have?

Yawn...another one of these threads. Have one, have ten, who cares? Those who have multiples probably do find it more difficult as they have more people to spend time, effort and money on, but if you choose to have multiple kids I'm not sure what else you expect.

I have never taken my 4 away on holiday, I’m looking at the possibility of doing it alone as I’m a single parent but a big part of me thinks I’m mad to even consider it as how will I possibly manage 4 on holiday on my own! I wouldn’t even be questioning it if I had one

It depends. I certainly don't think 3-4 is that much harder than 1 and at times may be easier.
We have 3. It's hard work but our friends who have 1 only don't seem to have it much easier. It depends on the child as well. If it's an anxious/not very outgoing only child it can be harder than having a larger brood who can entertain each other and help each other. My oldest helps us a lot to deal with her younger siblings.

I've only got one but surely it's got to be harder having more if nothing else but for the extra money, admin etc.?

DD has SN so is pretty full on, doesn't play independently etc so sometimes I think having another child around might have been easier. But on the other hand we don't have to factor in the feelings of the other child when we have to leave places early and when she has meltdowns and stuff.

Kids have to learn to share and occupy themselves whether they have siblings or not. Of course having one child is easier than having more!

Definitely don't entertain each other one was so easy I thought I was an amazing parent definitely ready for number 2 I was fucking insane I have 3 now and I spend the weekend and every evening after school being a referee between the 2 eldest as they try to kill each other. They both adore their baby brother unfortunately they fight over his attention now too!

I have one and I'm finding it pretty easy, tbh. DSis has three and they are hard work. I'm quite glad I stopped with one but I do think it very much depends on the children. DD is good natured and independent, happy to entertain herself for the most part but still sociable and able to share when the need arises. If she'd not been so easy-going I might have been tempted to have another one.

@Onescaredmuma we have exactly the same here. Chalk and cheese constantly fighting / competing and then one that bounces around between them. It seemed so easy when they were tiny! 🤨😬🙈🤪

DD is good natured and independent, happy to entertain herself for the most part but still sociable and able to share when the need arises

So many parents of one day this and my eldest child fits this description too until their sibling pushes their buttons.

I wonder if the only children are lovely and good natured because they are not constantly competing for attention, time and with each other.

Maybe we are supposed to have one. Maybe it is damaging for us and for them to have a sibling growing up!

There has actually been research into only children which does back that up (the independence and better emotional regulation)

There have also been studies showing only children report better relationships with their parents and couples with one child have better marriages, which maybe leads to a better home environment for a child to grow up in.

But that's on a general level, not individual level, so individual situations will always vary. And it's difficult to compare when you only know your own life!

I had an only child for 14 years before my second. Having one was a piece of piss.

I have 2. I have regular days with just the younger one and occasional days with just the older one.

Every one of these days is waaaaaay easier than having 2 of them together.

All of my kids are great only children trapped in a multiple siblings body! We love spending time with them alone but together they are way worse than the sum of their parts.

I marvel at how much harder 3 is. Its not 3 times harder like I imagined - its cubed harder. They all fight so I can't even leave the room without one of them damaging the other. They all eat different food. There is always at least one person crying at any given time (sometimes me). Trying to get your 6 year old to school while your 4 and 2 year old act like dicks is head smashingly frustrating. every single day.

DH and I are only children and our childhood memories are occupying ourselves while our parents did stuff; ate in restaurants and we coloured in quietly etc. They told us how easy having kids was. So we thought we'd have 4. We stopped at 3!

I do agree that 1 child needs more input & can't be left 'alone' much whereas with 2 or more they can keep each other company & you don't need to feel like you've 'abandoned' them. I find a single child almost becomes a third adult in the family once they are 9-10 years old & the couple don't get much alone time although this is not for want of bandwidth as the 'work' is lesser but need to be with the child becomes more.

Teaching them to share DS 8, who is an only, frequently has to be discouraged from giving away all his treats/favourite foods. I also recently had to talk him out of spending his pocket money on a birthday present for a friend before he knew for sure whether he was invited to the party.

Nah, I fell for the 'it'll be easier as they'll entertain each other' malarkey. Not true.

The sharing thing is weird. Both Dh and I are onlies and our parents despaired at us giving our toys away. Because we had so much to ourselves we often gave things away. The meanest people I have ever met come from big families as they feel they have to fiercely protect their things.

My oldest would give the other 2 anything - probably because before they came along he was an only. The second 2 wouldn’t give away the steam off their piss.

Funny you say that MrsKoala
My only was quite happy to share as she knew she'd get to play with toys herself later.

We have 1 and are happy with this decision. We have a better lifestyle and childcare is easier. (My parents are happy to take her for longer periods whereas I don’t think they’d cope with 2).
She has a lot of friends and we have a lot of play dates. The argument about having a sibling I get but having one doesn’t always mean you’ll get along with them. My husband has never been close to his sister (too different personalities and lifestyles) and I get on with my brother but we just don’t see each other much and always fought as kids.