WIBU not to attend this wedding reception after all?

[Teensandfuture]

I was invited by a close aquitance (can't really say she's a friend as we've not been socialising for last few years, she moved away to London from up North long while ago, mostly social media contact only as in liking each other updates) to her wedding reception.
The invite is for me only for the evening reception (I'm not officially coupled up so maybe she didn't want to put me in awkward position hence invite for one).
The wedding is on the other side of country, I need a car (train journey would be long and expensive) and overnight stay.
So the present, new dress, travel expenses, hotel would add up to a round sum.
Despite all that I was actually excited about going.

Now I have a friend that lives nearby (same friendship group) that I knew was invited too. We spoke about it briefly before, assumption was she will drive us there, we'll share hotel room and petrol expenses.
The said friend was single at the time so there was no question about the plus one invite, it just wasn't mentioned.

Anyway with the hen do approaching and wedding month later we spoke again about deciding on plans. She said her car is being written off, she'll be buying new one soon but not sure when. She's not sure how we are going to get there, she mentioned this wedding a while ago to the new guy she's seeing, he was on the fence (very early dating stage). She said the relationship is getting better now so she's more confident in asking him to drive as there(Apparently she has a plus one invite ).
I have suggested yes, can she speak to him, explain the situation, maybe he'll be willing to come with us and drive us there.

Today she came back to me and said yes, he's agreed to go and apparently he was asking why am I going alone, don't I have a partner?
I've said to her,:well I only have an invite for one so that's main reason I'm going alone otherwise I could come up with plus one.

While having a chat, it became apparent her invite is different to mine. Her invite is for ceremony and evening reception (plus one) , mine is for evening reception only.

I can't lie I became upset of different invites and on a practical note how will it work? We're travelling together but I'm waiting in the hotel room until they finish with ceremony?

WIBU not to go at all?

Is it because you're nose is a bit put out by the invite that you dont want to go?

Or is it because its so far away? You seem to have got company travelling, and you'll know people there.

No way would I travel that far for an evening invitation. Pull out now. They will likely not care as it's only an evening invitation.

Do not feel guilty. Poor form inviting people to travel that far for a second class invitation.

Yes I'm put out about the invite

Sounds like a lot of hassle

I wouldn't travel across the country and spend all that money for an evening invitation, of an aquaintence. Fuck that. Let her make up her numbers some other way.

YABU, you knew it was an evening only invitation when you received it and should’ve declined then if it was too much time and expense.

Where is the ceremony ? They cannot restrict attendees in a church or registry office.

You should have read the invitation properly before you accepted. But, no, I wouldn't travel to the other end of the country for an acquaintance who clearly doesn't rank me as a real friend. Surprised your friend's boyfriend can be arsed being a plus-one!

Agreed I wouldn't travel that far for an evening invitation and I would expect your friend to understand.

I would try and put aside the hurt feelings. Do you really want to go? It will cost you more now you have to have your own room so that could be a good enough reason to pull out.

I would never travel that far for evening invite. Nor would I have invited anyone far away to evening only invite. Make some excuse. Evening only invites are just afters as in people you'd like there for the after party (or you feel you have to invite) but you really wouldn't be upset or care if they didn't come. No way would I travel with others with full invite either they'll feel awkward & so will you.

Hang on. You knew from the start it was evening only? And were quite happy with that until you realised that someone else is ranked as a friend rather than an acquaintance?
YABU. I still wouldn't go, though! Why spend hundreds making up someone's numbers? Send a card! In a more sensible age, you might have qualified for a slice of wedding cake in the post.

If you are inviting someone from quite a distance away I think you should be giving them a full day invite. I wouldn’t go all that way for an evening only invite and would decline. I can’t help thinking she’s just invite extras in the evening for more gifts.

Oh for gods sake another one of these - go or don’t go! If you feel like it’s hassle and your annoyed about your invite (which is ridiculous) then just decline.

As someone who planned a wedding just last year - I can tell you it’s hard to do the guest list and she was probably just reaching out to you as she’d like to see you there at the evening party - she will likely not expect you to come tbh!

I know I invited a few people to the evening of mine who live far away (2 even in a different country) - knowing that it was unlikely they would fly over just for what was essentially a night out. But wanted them to be invited and would have loved if they did come !

So you need to just decide to go or not but getting pissy about the type of invite that you were previously happy about is nuts.

I thought it's a small wedding ceremony (not many guests) and large reception. I don't have a problem with that and would go on that understanding.

I thought my friend (from same friendship) group has same invite, apparently she's got full one.

That's my problem here.

And actually she's the one was on the fence about it all.

Well the invite was weird by itself.

The bride messaged me asking me to come to the wedding, I said I'd be delighted to (I really was at the time)
Only when I received an actual invite I realised it's for the evening reception. I should have been paying attention.

Id feel put out that the friend got a plus one and you only got an evening invite, this total stranger is invited to the whole shebang but you are not? I would feel a bit hurt

I wouldn't go OP. I think evening invites, particularly if you have to travel quite a distance are very poor form.

I don’t think I’d go that far just for the evening.

I actually prefer evening invites.

Weddings are so dull

Nah, fuck that. If you are not good enough for the wedding and 'you are friends',then she should be relegated to acquaintance. Just like you have been. Bridzilla's may come on here and tell you to get a grip but for me these kind of occasions tend to illuminate where you sit on their social strata.

donttouch
Yep, I'm a bit hurt.
As said previously this friend was on the fence whole time anyway but the bride wouldn't know that.
So the total stranger going to wedding ceremony and I'm staying in the hotel waiting for them to come back?
Bloody crap

Whilst I don’t understand the hatred of evening invites I see on MN, I wouldn’t travel that far for one.

YANBU for not wanting to travel a long distance and have the expense for an evening invite.
As someone who is planning a wedding for later this year, the guest list is already giving me a headache !!
However, perhaps she sees your mutual friend more, perhaps their friendship is more than just on social media even though you might be from the same friendship group.

Evening do = automatic decline unless it’s very near where you live. They clearly are not that bothered whether you go or not so too much hassle, bother and expense. Plus when you get there everyone is drunk.
That’s my attitude to evening dos anyway!

bride
Nope, same dynamics between friend and the bride, as far as I know, that's why I'm very surprised she has different invite.