WIBU not to attend this wedding reception after all?

[Teensandfuture]

I was invited by a close aquitance (can't really say she's a friend as we've not been socialising for last few years, she moved away to London from up North long while ago, mostly social media contact only as in liking each other updates) to her wedding reception.
The invite is for me only for the evening reception (I'm not officially coupled up so maybe she didn't want to put me in awkward position hence invite for one).
The wedding is on the other side of country, I need a car (train journey would be long and expensive) and overnight stay.
So the present, new dress, travel expenses, hotel would add up to a round sum.
Despite all that I was actually excited about going.

Now I have a friend that lives nearby (same friendship group) that I knew was invited too. We spoke about it briefly before, assumption was she will drive us there, we'll share hotel room and petrol expenses.
The said friend was single at the time so there was no question about the plus one invite, it just wasn't mentioned.

Anyway with the hen do approaching and wedding month later we spoke again about deciding on plans. She said her car is being written off, she'll be buying new one soon but not sure when. She's not sure how we are going to get there, she mentioned this wedding a while ago to the new guy she's seeing, he was on the fence (very early dating stage). She said the relationship is getting better now so she's more confident in asking him to drive as there(Apparently she has a plus one invite ).
I have suggested yes, can she speak to him, explain the situation, maybe he'll be willing to come with us and drive us there.

Today she came back to me and said yes, he's agreed to go and apparently he was asking why am I going alone, don't I have a partner?
I've said to her,:well I only have an invite for one so that's main reason I'm going alone otherwise I could come up with plus one.

While having a chat, it became apparent her invite is different to mine. Her invite is for ceremony and evening reception (plus one) , mine is for evening reception only.

I can't lie I became upset of different invites and on a practical note how will it work? We're travelling together but I'm waiting in the hotel room until they finish with ceremony?

WIBU not to go at all?

No way would I travel any distance for an evening invite. I'll only with an evening invite only if it's very local.

Don’t go, but I’d be honest about your reasoning.

Put the bride's nose out of joint and go as your friends plus 1 😂😂😂

OlaEliza That made me laugh.

Don't go!

You really do not owe anything to someone who's just invited you to the party, knowing it will actually cost you £££.

You can make an excuse if it feels easier for you.

Or you could say, 'I was happy to come for the evening as I could share a lot of the costs with X, as you know she's now bringing a plus one which means I can't share accommodation, also I hadn't realised she and her plus 1 are actually invited to the whole wedding, meaning I'd be on my own for the majority of the day. Given all that, I'm sorry but I won't be coming after all, hope you have a lovely day though and if it were closer and I could pop along for the reception I'd definitely come. Thanks again for the invitation.'

Telling her exactly why doesn't have to be snippy, it's perfectly reasonable to turn down what's simply an expensive party invitation.

ola
Great suggestion 😂

Dont go, too far away, too much expense, just for night party

You're right fizzy
It would be honest and reasonable.

I'm torn between your and Ola's suggestions 😁

She's not a friend you said that yourself. Why spend a fortune going for someone you don't want even see as a friend?
I wouldn't bother.

It wouldn't even enter my head to travel across the country to the evening part of a wedding reception . In my mind evening invites are for a group of work colleagues or younger cousins and people like that. I'd send my warmest wishes and maybe a small gift but I personally wouldn't attend.

She's not your friend and invited you. Just say no and stop being petty.

Don’t bother. I’m sorry your friend upset you. It’s not really worth all the hassle for someone who sees you as a casual acquaintance, sorry.

Hers is for wedding and evening or, wedding, breakfast and evening?

Tell your friend to take YOU as her plus one a la Monica in Friends. The boyfriend can wait in the hotel.

YAB very U, and ridiculous to be hurt by an evening invitation for someone's wedding who you only consider to be an acquaintance and not a friend.

Some people really do look for things to be offended about.

If you're that offended then don't go.

So the present, new dress, travel expenses, hotel would add up to a round sum

I don't know what you mean by a round sum (£50? £1000?) but assuming it's a lot of money I'm surprised you were even considering going in the first place. Of course you don't have to go.

Just turn it down, tbh she could be just making up the numbers and it seems like you have a long journey to get there/back.

I'm not native British and bride isn't either, so understandings about what is a proper wedding invite where we're from are somewhat more relaxed.

I wouldn't see an evening invite as a dismissal of our ( not so close recently) friendship, I don't feel downgraded based on evening invite alone. I feel downgraded based on difference of invites between people from the same group of friends.

Seriously, the bride should have thought we communicate with each other and most likely would be coming together to the wedding as we live in the same city.

I know I would think of it! I'd be the perfect bride one day haha, no faux pas 😂

I wouldn't go to all that trouble for an evening invite.

Coco
At least £350-on the budget.

Pretty expensive for a night out if just too see it as a night out. Money isn't an issue though, it's more hurt feelings

Just don’t go and tell her nicely the reason why if she asks “I could only come down if I travel with our mutual friend but as she has an all-day invitation and I only have an evening invite I don’t see how it would work”.
Don’t see how she could think badly of you - it’s perfectly reasonable. It’s also up to her who she invites to day/evening - weddings are expensive and you can’t always have everyone to the whole thing.
Maybe she didn’t really expect you to go - you said yourself your are more of an acquaintance so I don’t understand why you’re so put out?! You also don’t know the dynamic of her relationship with the mutual friend.

You were being totally unreasonable to have even considered going through all that faff for some poxy evening do in the first place. Just pull out now.

As for these invitations to come to the ceremony but then fuck off whilst the day guests get fed and watered and come back to buy watered down drinks and perhaps get a sausage roll and oh, give us a present, too, words fail. Staggeringly rude.

She expects you to come to the hen do and make up numbers as well?

Dont go!

When is the wedding? Is it soon? If it is a few weeks away I would not bother. I would tell friend you were going with not to worry you'll make your own way there. Then I would maybe make some excuse about family to the bride-to-be this could be more of a last minute excuse, or if you wanted a more immediate excuse you could say work you cannot get out of.

I think probably worth remembering it’s an invitation not a summons. If you don’t want to spend the extra cash, or travel, just decline. I don’t think your friend will be upset. People understand weddings are expensive for people to go too.

I wouldn’t go because you sound like you don’t want too. I wouldn’t give it too much thought thereafter. Maybe a card for your friend to say you can’t make it, but wish them well?