WIBU not to attend this wedding reception after all?

[Teensandfuture]

I was invited by a close aquitance (can't really say she's a friend as we've not been socialising for last few years, she moved away to London from up North long while ago, mostly social media contact only as in liking each other updates) to her wedding reception.
The invite is for me only for the evening reception (I'm not officially coupled up so maybe she didn't want to put me in awkward position hence invite for one).
The wedding is on the other side of country, I need a car (train journey would be long and expensive) and overnight stay.
So the present, new dress, travel expenses, hotel would add up to a round sum.
Despite all that I was actually excited about going.

Now I have a friend that lives nearby (same friendship group) that I knew was invited too. We spoke about it briefly before, assumption was she will drive us there, we'll share hotel room and petrol expenses.
The said friend was single at the time so there was no question about the plus one invite, it just wasn't mentioned.

Anyway with the hen do approaching and wedding month later we spoke again about deciding on plans. She said her car is being written off, she'll be buying new one soon but not sure when. She's not sure how we are going to get there, she mentioned this wedding a while ago to the new guy she's seeing, he was on the fence (very early dating stage). She said the relationship is getting better now so she's more confident in asking him to drive as there(Apparently she has a plus one invite ).
I have suggested yes, can she speak to him, explain the situation, maybe he'll be willing to come with us and drive us there.

Today she came back to me and said yes, he's agreed to go and apparently he was asking why am I going alone, don't I have a partner?
I've said to her,:well I only have an invite for one so that's main reason I'm going alone otherwise I could come up with plus one.

While having a chat, it became apparent her invite is different to mine. Her invite is for ceremony and evening reception (plus one) , mine is for evening reception only.

I can't lie I became upset of different invites and on a practical note how will it work? We're travelling together but I'm waiting in the hotel room until they finish with ceremony?

WIBU not to go at all?

It seems a bit odd/mean to invite you to the (expensive for you?) hen night and not to the actual wedding. And I would be outraged about the other friend's brand new bf, never met by bride, getting a full invite when I wasn't.

I would say no to both.

@Ellmau I agree!

I wouldnt go. I don't do two-tier invitations, it's incredibly rude and utterly lacking in class.

Save the money for something worth your time.

Maybe I could chat to her on hen do and ask to be upgraded for a full thing?

What sort of an unreasonable person would even consider for a second doing something like this??? I mean, seriously??

letsall
It's your own messed up interpretation of my comments, please spare me of unnecessary discussion.

hollow
Believe it or not the friend I was meant to travel with, suggested it.

She's thinking it was a mistaken mixed up confusion on the bride's part.

Anyway I've decided not to go anymore, now the dilemma what present to send?

Any ideas?

To be totally honest I don't think the bride will care or notice if you go to the evening reception or not. So go if you want to and don't if you don't.

lol, sure

turkey

I wouldnt go. I don't do two-tier invitations, it's incredibly rude and utterly lacking in class

That's how I feel and very surprised to be honest, even more surprised I'm meant to attend hen do but not wedding ceremony..

What kind of bs is this?

I wouldn't bother going. Not out of pique or anything, although I can totally see why you are piqued, of course! But just because it's hundreds of pounds that you could do something better with than spend a couple of hours in the same room as someone you barely know, and speak to her for a couple of minutes at the very most.

If you're not going to the wedding then don't get a present.

I'm surprised she would invite an evening only guest to the hen do too. Which make me curious if you have the wrong invitation - and the only way to know that is to send her the message earlier in the thread saying you are declining because the person you were travelling with is going all day and it makes it difficult as you only have the evening invite. As for present - if you aren't going you don't have to send one. (Just curious why is the hen do in your town and not the town up North?)

I think you nailed it on the head when you said you weren't upset about the evening invite - as long as others were in the same situation. What toy are upset about is that your friend is favoured despite being in the same friendship group..

I wouldn't go

mumdiva

I'm up north and hen do is in my city up north.

The wedding is in the other side of UK.

Apologies if it wasn't clear.

II misread - I thought you said you were London based and wedding was up North. -- If she's happy and you're happy (after sending the mail I referred to) - then go to the hen do, wish her well and think no further of the actual wedding.

I also think frizzy's suggestion is a good one. It's honest and puts the ball in the bride's court. She'll either change your invite or express regret that you're now not coming. If the latter, then you're probably also excused from the hen-do.

Frizzy=fizzy!

Can i ask are you invited to the Hen party aswell? Its very unusual for someone who is invited to the hen party not to be invited to the full Wedding. Thats not the way its done. Agree with everyone else, do not go to the wedding but do not go to the Hen party either. Alos eveining invites do not require a new dress, wear what you have in your wardrobe and you are well in the right to only give a very small present. Fake an illness to get out of the hen party and decline the wedding. Don't go into too much discussion with your friend and the bride. let it go and let the friendship die away

Sending someone an evening invite who has to travel such a distance is pretty shitty imo. I wouldn't waste all that time on money for a night out

I'd go to the hen night and catch up with everyone there and just say to the bride that you've looked into the costs and that you just can't afford it, especially as friend is now going with a plus one and so won't be sharing a room with you.

@wexone I was invited to a full hen weekend costing hundreds and not so much as an evening invite to the wedding! I havent spoken to her since!!!

OP I would go to the hen and just tell the bride that it would be too far to go for the evening but you wish her well blah blah blah. Keep your pride and your money!

I really like @Fanniesyeraunt suggestion to explain re not sure how it would work with friend + 1 being gone all day yet travelling together. Also explain earlier suggestion of hotel hosts since now you can’t share accommodation. Under these circumstances I wouldn’t go either.

@Teensandfuture - A childhood best friend invited me to all 3 showers (with registry), hen do (you had to buy a ticket. Is this a thing?!) and not wedding. I didn’t go to showers nor hen do - in fairness just moved countries and then became a Mum a couple weeks before so in very early days. She never spoke to me again!

@ExohExohGossipgirl Really ? Oh my god thats shocking, Thought it was a silent understanding that if your invited to the hen you are invited to the full wedding party. Am getting married this year, having a small hen party but everyone on the hen party list is on the full wedding list. You are right to never speak to her again