WIBU not to attend this wedding reception after all?

[Teensandfuture]

I was invited by a close aquitance (can't really say she's a friend as we've not been socialising for last few years, she moved away to London from up North long while ago, mostly social media contact only as in liking each other updates) to her wedding reception.
The invite is for me only for the evening reception (I'm not officially coupled up so maybe she didn't want to put me in awkward position hence invite for one).
The wedding is on the other side of country, I need a car (train journey would be long and expensive) and overnight stay.
So the present, new dress, travel expenses, hotel would add up to a round sum.
Despite all that I was actually excited about going.

Now I have a friend that lives nearby (same friendship group) that I knew was invited too. We spoke about it briefly before, assumption was she will drive us there, we'll share hotel room and petrol expenses.
The said friend was single at the time so there was no question about the plus one invite, it just wasn't mentioned.

Anyway with the hen do approaching and wedding month later we spoke again about deciding on plans. She said her car is being written off, she'll be buying new one soon but not sure when. She's not sure how we are going to get there, she mentioned this wedding a while ago to the new guy she's seeing, he was on the fence (very early dating stage). She said the relationship is getting better now so she's more confident in asking him to drive as there(Apparently she has a plus one invite ).
I have suggested yes, can she speak to him, explain the situation, maybe he'll be willing to come with us and drive us there.

Today she came back to me and said yes, he's agreed to go and apparently he was asking why am I going alone, don't I have a partner?
I've said to her,:well I only have an invite for one so that's main reason I'm going alone otherwise I could come up with plus one.

While having a chat, it became apparent her invite is different to mine. Her invite is for ceremony and evening reception (plus one) , mine is for evening reception only.

I can't lie I became upset of different invites and on a practical note how will it work? We're travelling together but I'm waiting in the hotel room until they finish with ceremony?

WIBU not to go at all?

I wouldn't see an evening invite as a dismissal of our ( not so close recently) friendship

You've already said it's not a friendship in your OP, so you both agree the friendship has cooled. She's probably invited you out of obligation because your nose would be put out of joint if your reaction to an evening invitation is any indication. You don't want to go, you don't have to go, just decline.

I don’t get this thing about it being rude to invite people to the evening only. The wedding meal is very expensive per head, even at mediocre venues. Obviously there are going to be people (family and closer friends) you want at the whole thing and other people you would like to include/see on the day but aren’t necessarily too bothered whether they come or not - it’s more a gesture.
One that is fine to refuse! No drama about it.
An invitation is just that - an invitation.

Nope.

We were once invited to an evening reception and we declined.

Weddings are tiresome enough without being a 2nd class citizen.

PS. When did 'invite' become a noun?

I would decline the evening invitation.

patellar
Yes, hen do is couple of weeks away, and in my city. I can't be excused from that.
The wedding is in March and bloody far away.

Maybe I could chat to her on hen do and ask to be upgraded for a full thing?

I now don't think the bride was intentionally dismissive of me, she probably thought I would not consider coming. But I want to

Just send a nice card and wish friend well. Spend the money saved on something nice for yourself.

Maybe I could chat to her on hen do and ask to be upgraded for a full thing?

You can't do that FFS!

You don't want to go so just decline.

Too much to go for just the evening. I’d politely decline.
However, you said yourself you only interact by liking each other’s posts, so why would you be invited to the ceremony as well .

Just to mention, after the wedding invitation, we did socialise. I was in London for my birthday weekend, we met up for drinks and she even gave me a birthday present 😊

We had a nice catch up and been more in contact since then, mostly discussing exotic holidays over chat.

She just been to Seychelles and me in Dominican. A bit superficial conversation, but nevertheless sharing experiences.

So maybe my original definition of close aquitance was a bit harsh, probably reality is just not so close friends.

Dont talk to her about upgrading, awkward

Just simple apology, won’t be able to make it, send lovely card, let it go

Why do you even want to go?

Don't go.

Maybe I could chat to her on hen do and ask to be upgraded for a full thing?

DO NOT DO THIS! Cringe.

We had a nice catch up and been more in contact since then, mostly discussing exotic holidays over chat. She just been to Seychelles and me in Dominican. A bit superficial conversation, but nevertheless sharing experiences.

In all honesty, you seen to be clutching at straws to be her friend and have a connection. I'd just leave it.

It all seems a bit desperate if you ask me.

If your not close then I wouldn't travel that far and spend all that money.

O if so awkward if you ask for an upgrade 😂

My now MIL tries to get us to invite 10 extra people a week before the wedding - she said - il pay - it wasn’t about the money! We wouldn’t budge - she was so angry!

Our Venue could only fit 30 max for the meal and the registry office was small too so only could for 30!

So “extras” was not possible!

We had 150 at the evening - had an amazing DJ, activities, canapés, cake ! It was so fun! Some people declined but most came !

I had one friend who actually pushed & pushed for a full invite and it got weird - tbh I’ve not really seen her since the wedding - she really pissed me off - she was even texting me days before my wedding asking if she could just sneak in the back to watch the ceremony ...

God no, don’t ask for an “upgrade”!

It’ll be awkward enough as it is to attend the hen do having declined the evening invitation!

Nope, not worth all the hassle, plitely decline and let it go.

I wouldn’t have agreed to go in the first place. You shouldn’t invite people to evening only unless they live quite near by. If they have to travel a long way either invite them to the whole thing or not at all.

letsall

Seriously where do you see me clatching at straws and being desperate to be her friend?

If anything I just don't want to miss out as a few mutual friends will be there.

But I've decided already I'm not going.

The fried that I was meant to travel with is a bit upset, it's not a very pleasant situation but it will pass.

This is why I dislike all day and separate evening invites. Of course I understand some venues have number restrictions though.
I wouldn't go personally.
I'm in Yorkshire and last year drove my friend and I to Kent for less than 24 hours to go to a friend's evening reception. It was fun but too long to travel.

£350 for a night out, no, I wouldn't go, nor.would.i send any cryptic messages, she is obviously closer to.the other person. Say you aren't able to attend wish them well and send a nice gift.

Hi op, can you message friend and say after you received invite you spoke with friend and arranged to come by car together. You’ve both now realised that you have different invitations, is yours a mistake? If nit as she has a plus one for the whole day is it ok for you to use that.

This will put her on the spot. Hopefully it’s a genuine error, especially if she asked you previously to come to her wedding.

If not she’s a shitty friend I’m afraid, evening invites are only sent to local guests, expecting someone to travel a long way but not invite them to the day is crap. Sending 2 friends from the same friendship group who live in the same town different invites is really really crap,

@scubadive 🙄 you can send an evening invite to whoever you want - I sent mine to people who lived far away - and had some people actually fly to Ireland and book a hotel to attend evening only ! I would have understood if they couldn’t come though !

Evening invites are not crap - is bloody love only go to evening receptions it’s so much less hassle and the night is the best bit anyway

You’ve both now realised that you have different invitations, is yours a mistake? If nit as she has a plus one for the whole day is it ok for you to use that.

Don't do this, people are allowed to invite people to whatever part of the day they like, people are then allowed to accept or decline.

If not she’s a shitty friend I’m afraid, evening invites are only sent to local guests, expecting someone to travel a long way but not invite them to the day is crap. Sending 2 friends from the same friendship group who live in the same town different invites is really really crap,

She's not a friend, OP states that she's a close aquitance (can't really say she's a friend. There's every chance the other person has held up the friendship more than just liking each others posts on Facebook. Are you suggesting that people should treat two people the same because of where they live?

It would be beyond tragic to ask for an upgrade.

Seriously where do you see me clatching at straws and being desperate to be her friend?

By this comment - "We had a nice catch up and been more in contact since then, mostly discussing exotic holidays over chat. She just been to Seychelles and me in Dominican. A bit superficial conversation, but nevertheless sharing experiences". Its like you're trying to forge a connection.