WIBU not to attend this wedding reception after all?

[Teensandfuture]

I was invited by a close aquitance (can't really say she's a friend as we've not been socialising for last few years, she moved away to London from up North long while ago, mostly social media contact only as in liking each other updates) to her wedding reception.
The invite is for me only for the evening reception (I'm not officially coupled up so maybe she didn't want to put me in awkward position hence invite for one).
The wedding is on the other side of country, I need a car (train journey would be long and expensive) and overnight stay.
So the present, new dress, travel expenses, hotel would add up to a round sum.
Despite all that I was actually excited about going.

Now I have a friend that lives nearby (same friendship group) that I knew was invited too. We spoke about it briefly before, assumption was she will drive us there, we'll share hotel room and petrol expenses.
The said friend was single at the time so there was no question about the plus one invite, it just wasn't mentioned.

Anyway with the hen do approaching and wedding month later we spoke again about deciding on plans. She said her car is being written off, she'll be buying new one soon but not sure when. She's not sure how we are going to get there, she mentioned this wedding a while ago to the new guy she's seeing, he was on the fence (very early dating stage). She said the relationship is getting better now so she's more confident in asking him to drive as there(Apparently she has a plus one invite ).
I have suggested yes, can she speak to him, explain the situation, maybe he'll be willing to come with us and drive us there.

Today she came back to me and said yes, he's agreed to go and apparently he was asking why am I going alone, don't I have a partner?
I've said to her,:well I only have an invite for one so that's main reason I'm going alone otherwise I could come up with plus one.

While having a chat, it became apparent her invite is different to mine. Her invite is for ceremony and evening reception (plus one) , mine is for evening reception only.

I can't lie I became upset of different invites and on a practical note how will it work? We're travelling together but I'm waiting in the hotel room until they finish with ceremony?

WIBU not to go at all?

@Teensandfuture so.....you don’t actually care about the wedding or your friend at all then.

Well done. We’ve figured out why you weren’t invited.

love

What a strange thing to say that I don't care about the wedding or a friend!

I do care, to the extent you'd care about event that isn't yours.

Anyway the wedding is a social event so it's for the guests too, not just for the bride. I really don't understand people that decide "my wedding my rules" and become bridezillas in the process, ignoring etiquette and social implications, potentially longterm.

I like her, I wish her well and want her to have a fab wedding. But since I'm putting my effort and money into going I need to make sure it's worthwhile for me.

Exactly, I just want to have a nice weekend with a group of people I know.

It's an exotic(to me) location, that I haven't visited before.

It's an opportunity for nice pics for social media (to show a finger to a recent ex as in I'm having fun without him)

None of this is about the bride and all about you.

You’re trying to turn her wedding into giving your ex the finger.

It’s not hard to see how I made my conclusion

love

Believe it or not, bride is not the centre of the universe.

I'm sure she doesn't see herself as that either.

I'm more and more convinced by the minute, and knowing how reasonable and clever she is, my hint of upgrade would be received well.

😊 I'll update you all how this all will turn out

I don’t personally believe that weddings are these scared occasions that you have to go to no matter the expense or hassle. I’ve declined quite a number - mainly ones where an old school friend invites me (for numbers?) 200 miles away or whatever.
I’d make an effort to go to the wedding of a dear friend. Anything else I’d go if it’s convenient.

By the evening do, the Wedding part is done and dusted and it’s time for a party. I certainly wouldn’t travel too far, unless it was in a city I would want to explore beforehand.

in my working days an evening-only invite was great as it meant not wasting a precious weekend day stuck indoors. But not to the other side of the country, too far for a party.

just tell your mate how it is and tell the bride sorry, can't make it, have fun.

BTW you don't need a new dress for every wedding!

Why not say to the bride something like ‘I’m afraid I don’t be able to make the wedding after all. I was going to travel up with Jane and share a hotel but she is now bringing Brian and as they’ll be at the ceremony during the day the logistics just won’t work. I’m looking forward to seeing you at the hen party soon!’

Anyway the wedding is a social event so it's for the guests too, not just for the bride.

Seriously? No, it’s not, it really is about the bride (and groom) only. It is not about the guests at all.

I'm more and more convinced by the minute, and knowing how reasonable and clever she is, my hint of upgrade would be received well.

Wow. If someone came begging to me for an upgrade when I’ve worked out my numbers and budget, paid my deposit etc, I’d feel very uncomfortable and the answer would be no. You’ve been given an evening invitation for a reason. Mine were aimed at local work colleagues only. I would not have issued evening invitations to people who lived at the opposite end of the country. My wedding was in London, most of my family are up north.

You’re very dismissive of and actually quite rude to people telling you it’s a bad idea to ask for an upgrade, so I expect nothing less. I’ve read the full thread, none of the ‘nuances’ make me think it’s a reasonable thing to ask the bride. I was sympathetic at the start, not so much anymore.

cherry
You contradicting yourself as you stated you have given invitation to an evening do to locals only.

Clearly this isn't the case here and is a nuance to consider

I think @BlueLadybird’s response is a good one. That gives the bride a chance to backtrack and invite you to the whole day if she wants without coming across as begging.

If you want to go, go. If you don't want to go, don't go. You don't have to over analyse things and start drama for no reason!!

Is there any chance your friend asked the bride to change her invitation to be a +1 and says as they’re coming so far could they attend the actual wedding?

I can understand why you’re a bit out out, but maybe you initially both had the same invitations.

If you say something about having really been looking forward to her wedding, but you’d live to have seen her actually getting married & that friend &+1 have asked why you’re not going to the whole wedding...

If it’s awkward, it’s her doing asking two friends from the same city & group to different parts of the wedding, when it was predictable you’d talk/travel together

Even if she ‘upgraded’ your mutual friend at her request she should have offered you the same or neither of you - same with +1

Nothing wrong with evening invitations, but some common sense doesn’t go amiss.

@blueladybird

Somehow missed your message

Thank you @notthetoothfairy for mentioning it again yes, sounds fine, not dramatic, not begging, quite logical, I'm sending it tonight lol

You contradicting yourself as you stated you have given invitation to an evening do to locals only.

No, I’m not. I only gave evening invitations to local people who wouldn’t have to travel far. I would not have given an evening invitation to someone who would have had to travel far. It’s pointless, IMO and unfair to ask them to come so far for so little-their choice, of course.

Have an update 😊

After I have sent the message suggested yesterday, the bride came back and said I'm accounted as a full guest and looks like they sent me wrong invitation?

Wow, at least it's all clear now

That’s great OP. I mean both of you know that’s a total lie, but at least it’s sorted and you can still go and have a nice weekend. Don’t go overboard on the gift though!

Ye it doesn't matter if I was just hecticly upgraded last night.

At least it shows she's not meaning to hurt anyone's feelings and finally all sorted for me.

I'm glad 😊

Enjoy the hen night and wedding. I would buy them a thoughtful gift, on their list or voucher for meal to somewhere they like. Write a sincere card, she has been kind in responding and moving things about. An extra person in the day last minute could add a significant cost.

Sometimes I feel mumsnet isn't actually all wisdom..just look at this thread and how I was made feel so unreasonable for wanting to attend a full ceremony.

I was told bride would be upset, it's rude, bold and cheeky of me to even suggest that. How dare I inconvenience her and so on.

The reality was so much easier actually, all I had to do is hint and the proper invitation was reissued in no time.

The moral of the story for me is: don't overthink, communicate and don't get offended /don't assume.

Quite good lesson, thank you those posters who gently nugded me in the relevant direction and it all turned out well

Sometimes I feel mumsnet isn't actually all wisdom..just look at this thread and how I was made feel so unreasonable for wanting to attend a full ceremony.

So on other words, you didn’t get the answer you wanted to hear, so all of MN is lacking in ‘wisdom’? It couldn’t just be that people disagree with me and think you’re being unreasonable?

Anyway, you’ve sent your sad little begging letter and got what you wanted - somewhere nice to take your Instagram shots to piss off your ex. (I wonder why he left?)

still

So you're one of the wise ones, no wonder my comment got under your skin 😂

Just go spread your poison somewhere else please

still
Your original comment it would be beyond tragic to ask for an upgrade clearly was on of the wisest here, hence you still spouting your poison now.

It's not tragic: I'm happy, mutual friend is relieved, the bride seems OK with that hence such swift positive response.

Please stop projecting your own vision of the word on others, it really isn't the reality 😊

A friend of mine did this and split our friendship group into some who came for the ceremony and evening do and some who came to the whole thing. It was pretty awkward having some friends go for pizza while the rest of us went to the reception. I suppose it’s a way to invite lots of people if you’re limited on cost and numbers but if you’re just invited to the evening do then you shouldn’t feel obligated to go.

Oops just seen more recent posts, problem solved! Enjoy the wedding