AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

The cut off point for me was when she texted your daughter.

That to me is unacceptable.

She clearly cannot be bothered to walk her DD to yours. Everything is about her and her wants and needs. You are just there to facilitate that. It is very sad but that is your friendship to her.

I would contact her tonight saying this isn't going to work, either giving your daughter lifts to and from the activity but also the dog sitting. I would tell her that she has made this happen, she has made this too awkward to continue this arrangement.

She still ultimately believes she is right and has said as much. Mexican House thief is an incredible story!

What a CF, and I feel sorry for her DD with that entitled muppet for a mother.

Just read both threads. Bloody hell, she’s a cheeky fucker of the highest order!

There’s plenty of time for her to book her dog into kennels. March is not the height of the holiday season, after all.

Fact is, it’s not your problem to solve.
Her daughter walking to yours in the evening is not your problem to solve.

Just tell her today (or tomorrow) that you will no longer be available for dog sitting. No apologies, no explanations. Short & sweet.

Be done with them. Let your daughter focus on making new friends at the club. It will be good for her.

As people keep saying @Whiskeychaser why do you care.Its no skin off your nose whether her dd goes or not.

People wont believe her when she slags you off,which she will do.Or already as been doing.

I was a people pleaser until i started standing up for myself.Its liberating,i dont give a fuck what anyone thinks of me.

You need to stop doing anything for her,she doesnt deserve your help.

Just read both threads through. Wow!

She feels she shouldn’t have to walk after work?

Is she completely mad? What will she expect next that you nip round hers and cook and clean for her after all she’s been at work aaaallll day.

What does she do as a job? She does know that millions of people go to work every day and then (gasp) walk around doing errands etc?

I managed to be a single parent to two very very young kids, worked full time, didn’t drive and made appointments to various far flung hospital appts, and I continued to walk and take public transport because I don’t drive and would not have dreamed of making demands on my friends who do.

She’s no friend to you Whisky, the sooner you realise your DP has her sussed right the better.

How is it your problem that she’s tired after a week at work?

Don’t feed the drama any longer. Just continue to say, ‘I’m happy to keep giving your dad a lift if she can get to mine for 6pm’. That’s all that needs to be said really. You’re never going to ‘win’ because she’s too invested now to ever back down. She will just keep doubling down even though she’s the one who will come off worse in the long run.

So don’t engage.

Oh and tell her you can’t look after the dog in March. No need to give reasons why or send a long hurty feelings text. Just that you’re not free that weekend any more.

Grey rock. Vague. Polite but detached is the way to go, otherwise this’ll just run and run.

*dd not dad, obvs.

I am agog and astounded.

Do you think that they will turn up at yours tomorrow?

I would be STRONGLY inclined to take your dd for a McDonalds (or wherever) treat on the way to club, necessitating an early departure so that the house is empty at 6, just in case.

Just read the previous read and I am , OP!

All her responses make me think she believes that because you don't work it's therefore your "duty" to drive them back and forth every Friday, that her time is more precious than yours. She no longer counts it as a favour, but as her right. CF-ery of the highest order!

Don't give them a lift tomorrow. Keep calm and say "sorry, I done doing you favours" and leave. It might take every ounce of steel you have, but you'll be giving your daughter a valuable lesson about standing up for yourself.

Sorry, meant previous thread!

I think you’re doing so well OP and as a fellow people pleaser I know how hard it must have been.

Genuinely can’t believe the cheek of some people. In what universe can she think she’s right?!

The bit that really gets me is why does she have a dog if she doesn't want to walk after work.

I know that it means I sometimes get taken advantage of, but I'd rather that than change who I am, iykwim

I know exactly what you mean. I would be similar to you, OP. I do put myself out for people. Most people appreciate it. Some don't. My husband sometimes tells me I'm too soft, or too trusting, or too good natured.

But I always say, I'd rather be my sort of person than their sort of person. Yes, sometimes it does mean I get taken advantage of. But when I do I move on and know not to put myself out for that particular person again. But it doesn't stop me doing it for others.

Good luck to you, OP. Don't change who you are. Just become more selective of who you put yourself out for!

The bit that really gets me is why does she have a dog if she doesn't want to walk after work.

That is very odd!

The bit that really gets me is why does she have a dog if she doesn't want to walk after work.

Good point!

whiskychaser Hope you have had a good rest and migraine is receding...

What do you think of the suggestion from several that you head off at 5pm tomorrow evening with DD to treat yourself both to a meal out en route to her activity? Looking forward to hearing

Your DP is 100% right. She's a stupid cheeky fucker.

Is she a non driver ? Because frankly a lot of the time they have no clue how tiring expensive and time consuming driving is . They think cars drive themselves and pay for themselves IME.... if she turns up Friday she has got to be the biggest CF ever !!

Sorry that this saga is still ongoing and I struggle to understand the nerve of the woman. First for accepting these favours over the last 2 years with such ingratitude, second for her reluctance to walk such a short distance one night a week so her DD does not have to walk alone in the dark, third to have a dog when it is clear she does not have the time if out working all day and is too lazy to walk for less than 15 minutes. When is the dog exercised? The worst is involving your DD and using emotional manipulation on her DD.

I hope she doesn't turn up tomorrow but my gut feeling would be to say that if they do you won't penalise her DD by not taking her but you need an apology first off the mum.

Prepare yourself as well for what she'll say to other mums:

"I thought your daughter went to long-range banana peeling club on a Friday, CF?"

"Well she used to, but Whiskey has been so awkward and so hostile about the whole thing that i've had to pull DD out of it, Whiskey has created such an atmosphere and is trying to ruin DD's life, you don't know the half of it yadda yadda"

Stand your ground OP.. and tell her to GTF..

I wonder how many of the other mothers very much have the measure of the CF, and will be exiting stage left as fast as possible so as not to become her next mark.

I would send the text about not looking after her dog; then block her number.

I really feel for her DD. Her DM is a CF and it is impacting on her DD and no-one else.