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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

999 replies

Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 12:51

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

OP posts:
itwaseverthus · 23/01/2020 13:42

Wow, just read your last thread in one go - well done you for standing up for yourself. CF rely on us being too nice to pull them up. No way would I dog sit now. Just call an end to this one sided friendship and enjoy the bliss of never having the piss taken out of you again by her. It's damaged irrevocably now anyway, but it wasn't a true friendship so no loss.

On the other hand, your dd has witnessed you model self respect which is priceless. I hope CF reads mumsnet.

Walnutwhipster · 23/01/2020 13:43

No dogsitting and no lifts either way. CF clearly has no appreciation of you so let her find out the hard way.

Original poster
Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 13:43

If she wants me to take the pressure off her by saying enough is enough, which she has asked me to do before when things got too much for her, I will.

I'm more than happy to play the bad guy for her if that's what she needs, as she has every class with this girl, so if it's easier for her friend to blame me, then I'm good with that.

OP posts:
Beamur · 23/01/2020 13:43

That's plenty of time to sort out kennels.

DobbyLovesSocks · 23/01/2020 13:46

I've been following your thread and am astounded at the way things have turned out OP.
Your DH is right - just because you do not work, does not mean your time is less precious than anyone else's. Just because you have access to a car, does not mean you owe anyone who doesn't transport.
You (and DD) need a stock of one line responses that don't invite any argument (in theory) and then try and disengage.
I'm dreading Friday for you as I also hate confrontation but the sheer CF-iness of this is mind-boggling.
I would also withdraw from looking after her dog - it's entirely her own fault and this 'friendship' is now beyond repair

cologne4711 · 23/01/2020 13:46

Unfortunately, she was with me when I checked my calendar and 'booked' the weekend in, so she's well aware I'm free then to look after her dog

Doesn't matter. You've been invited to a family "do" as I suggested before. Not everyone organises things way in advance. In fact, as it is my birthday in March I can organise a "do" for you to come to!

If you are worried about her coming round to your house tomorrow go out when you get back around 5pm. You said in your very first OP that getting dinner was a bit stressful in the time you had, so don't, go out if you can afford it and then you can go direct to club. The coming home bit is the trickier bit I guess, would DH be available to whisk you off for erm "another meal out"?

Original poster
Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 13:47

Especially as it's clear that it's her mum causing this, not me or my dd.

OP posts:
thetoddleratemyhomework · 23/01/2020 13:47

OP, you are amazing!!

I also totally agree with your OH!!!

ASundayWellSpent · 23/01/2020 13:47

She is a CF of the highest order and you are my hero! Assertiveness masterclass right here, keep it up!

Whynosnowyet · 23/01/2020 13:47

If she mentions the fact you don't work please mention that she does so she can afford driving lessons /car /taxi fare.
Oh and kennels costs...

CakeandCustard28 · 23/01/2020 13:50

Can’t believe the mum is still dragging this out. She’s definitely one of those people that believes the world owes her everything.

whiskersonkittenss · 23/01/2020 13:52

I can't believe the mum is so short sighted and selfish. She's won CF of the year and it's only January.

IdontGetIt29 · 23/01/2020 13:53

You cant give the other girl lifts anymore

If you do all it shows the mum is that in some way this behaviour is acceptable. Would you still expect free lifts for your child after this because i wouldnt!!

If you are giving her a lift tonight i would make it the final lift. It might be a bit tight on the girl but that isnt your issue and you need to feel no guilt. Your not responsible for that girl, her mum is.

Continuing to give the girl lifts is giving the mum a chance to get "in" again. How can you ignore texts from someone if you have their child in your care? CF like this breeze over things like this and pretend it never happened!

After tomorrow i would be speaking to the mum and letting her know she needs to make new arrangments for her child and her dog

IdontGetIt29 · 23/01/2020 13:54

Giving her a lift tomorrow, not tonight

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/01/2020 13:54

I only lurked on the first thread, but can't believe this is still going on
Just get rid of the blasted woman, FGS - she's no friend, and if you somehow managed to smooth things over on the lifts there'd soon be something else she'd play silly games over

Ditto the dog care; so what if she thinks you're free to do it? You don't have to account for your time to anyone, never mind someone who's behaving like this

If you need to justify it to yourself, consider the example you'll be setting your DD in not rolling over for folk who simply don't deserve it

Likethebattle · 23/01/2020 13:55

Why is her being tired after working anything to do with you? You don’t ask her to work, you don’t benefit from it so it’s not your problem. She doesn’t see why???? Idiot!

cakewench · 23/01/2020 13:55

Also agree with your OH, though maybe don't tell him as he'll be insufferable after all this agreement Grin

I'm astounded that she's doubled down on this but I'm placemarking to see if they show up tomorrow.

Oh and also agree, she needs to find someone else for the dog. Your proposed msg to her sounds sufficient for the task.

SandAndSea · 23/01/2020 13:56

OP, you've done really well here. I think you might have left it a bit open though - I wouldn't be surprised if she still expects you to drive them tomorrow. Would a final message be helpful to make it clear that you've had enough and take back all offers? Something like this maybe:

I think you've lost sight of the fact that I've been doing you a favour. Not just once or twice, but regularly and for YEARS! You're so entitled, it's almost unbelievable! You don't even offer any petrol money! I think it's probably best if we call it a day on all the favours now. I'm sorry if your daughter misses out because of all this but that's on you. I've had enough.

Bluetrews25 · 23/01/2020 13:58

The best outcome here would possibly be that she stopped coming. Your DD would then make friends with others and you would be free from all the hassle from that CF.
DD just needs to realise this and embrace it.

Foslady · 23/01/2020 14:00

If her dd turns up tomorrow you need to get her to call her mum before you go to make sure her mum is aware of where she is and she hadn’t gone to yours off her own bat......

PattiPrice · 23/01/2020 14:03

OP you have to stop feeding this drama. Just draw a line under it.

The relationship is over.

helberg · 23/01/2020 14:03

This is just so unbelievably cheeky.
Why can't she get a cab to yours if she doesn't want to walk? Or send her daughter in the cab to yours and then she only has to pay for it in one direction. That would be cheaper than getting the cab to the club.
She's emotionally blackmailing you. It's outrageous.

She's been rude and entitled all along - sending multiple texts when you were just a couple of minutes late.
She shouldn't have let her DD join the club if she wasn't able to get her there herself. Obviously you'd offered to take her - but anything could have happened - eg. you were no longer able to drive for health reasons; your DD no longer wanted to go to the club; your DD had to miss a few sessions for health reasons or whatever.
She should have had some kind of alternative arrangement in the back of her mind for any of these scenarios.
Instead she's gone off on one because she's been asked to get her daughter to yours.

Just stick to your guns on this one. And your DD needs to keep telling the other girl that it's for the mums to sort out.

IntermittentParps · 23/01/2020 14:04

Unfortunately, she was with me when I checked my calendar and 'booked' the weekend in, so she's well aware I'm free then to look after her dog.
At this stage you really don't need to give a flying fuck about that.
If she turns up tomorrow and is a dick, you can just say 'Obviously I'm no longer going to be dog-sitting' before you turn on your heel and go.

Raindancer411 · 23/01/2020 14:05

You arent planning on giving her free care for the dog still are you? She is a user and its all take take take take. Telling her now will give her time to arrange a kennels for the weekend for the dog. After seeing a thread over xmas where someone looked after a relatives dog, and it caused a lot of damage and the owner would not pay, would you find yourself in the same position if this dog did cause damage?

You have done nothing wrong and you are doing a good job of standing firm and showing you have a backbone. You are being a great role model for your daughter and I am sure she understands (she seems to be mature in her thinking from your previous posts) Good Luck...

morrisseysquif · 23/01/2020 14:05

For some reason, this woman wants to play hard done by victim, to goad you enough to say 'enough, stuff you and the lifts' so she can say how horrible you are to her and her DD. Just repeat the message and smile.