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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

999 replies

Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 12:51

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

OP posts:
MissingMySleep · 23/01/2020 13:19

Your DH has hit the nail on the head

MulticolourMophead · 23/01/2020 13:20

OP, your OH is right. What you do in your time is none of her business. You've been generous, and she's taken that for granted. Time to cut if off here.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 23/01/2020 13:22

@Whiskeychaser - You know when CF Mum has asked you to look after her dog in March, so make sure you're unavailable now. Book something, anything and don't be available to look after her dog.

Please let us know if you have told her that you're not her valet service, chauffeur service and dog minding service.

Even if her DD does show up tomorrow, getting her to the club is not on the table anymore and neither is getting her home.

You've mentioned that your OH thinks she is taking the piss here. Could your OH be the person who could bring your DD to club and be completely blank with her?

Arthritica · 23/01/2020 13:22

This has to be the cheekiest CF in Mumsnet history. Good for you sticking to your guns, OP.

Original poster
Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 13:23

My oh is going to love that you all think he's right 😆(especailly as we're always saying that it doesn't happen very often, lol 🤣).

OP posts:
cstaff · 23/01/2020 13:23

She may work and thinks she is very important because of this and way above you obviously and as a result she and her dd are entitled to a lift there and back every Friday. Who do you think you are asking her to walk 7-15 minutes to make your life a bit easier. FFS.

There is no coming back from this OP. This woman needs to be told

(1) Either nothing (let her figure it out)
(2) To fuck right off and
(3) Mind you own bloody dog.

I hope you and your dd are ok. I cant believe there are entitled people like this in the real world. To this extent at least. She takes it to a whole new level.

billy1966 · 23/01/2020 13:25

I would leave the house at 5pm on Friday and take your daughter out for a bite before her activity.

If you feel anxious OP, think of this as a learning tool for your daughter.

I do think the fact that she shared drinks/never gave you a little gift would be an indicator that she wasn't appreciative of the lift.

Small things tell you a lot about people.

You are well rid of her and her expectations.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 23/01/2020 13:25

Just thought of a great comeback to her:
You could send her a pamphlet for a Cosmetic Surgeon as it's very clear that she'll need rhinoplasty (she's cut her nose off to spite her face), or you could send her a flyer from Specsavers as she is so shortsighted she doesn't know when she's had it good!

Grin Grin Grin

TheMaddHugger · 23/01/2020 13:28

@Arthritica Thu 23-Jan-20 13:22:36
This has to be the cheekiest CF in Mumsnet history

No. No. There's been way worse CF's

therewerefour · 23/01/2020 13:31

OP I'm so angry for you. Well done for standing your ground. I think I missed something but did her DD turn up at your house last friday or get a cab to the club??

Original poster
Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 13:31

Unfortunately, she was with me when I checked my calendar and 'booked' the weekend in, so she's well aware I'm free then to look after her dog.

I will just be saying:

In light of what's gone on recently I'm sure you'll agree that it's best for you to find someone other than me (& my dd) to look after Q in March, as I no longer feel comfortable doing so.

I do feel bad about cancelling on her as it's only about 5/6 weeks notice and she's obviously already paid out to go away, but she has done this to herself, not me.

OP posts:
AriadnesFilament · 23/01/2020 13:32

@Whiskeychaser are you actually still willing to give CF’s dd a lift there and back on Fridays?

Drum2018 · 23/01/2020 13:33

I really wouldn't encourage your dd to engage in any further texting about it. Her dd and your dd are not in a position to sort this out at all. It's between you and CF, and as far as you're concerned (and all of us who have followed the saga) it's done and dusted. The CF has shot herself in the foot by disregarding your very reasonable request.

So your dd can completely ignore any texts from the other girl relating to lifts/club. If the girl approaches her at school your dd need only say that it's for both mums to deal with and she's not talking about it again. If the CF dares aporoach your dd I'd be having words with the school about her manipulating your dd on school grounds. I'd go as far as have your dd hang back for a a few minutes to ensure the other girl leaves school first today and tomorrow - maybe your dd will need the loo or have to run back in for her coat!

PepsiLola · 23/01/2020 13:34

Her last text was awful, she really doesn't have empathy! How can she not see that you're really helping her out?

So self entitled and your DH comment about her time being more valuable than hers is spot on!

Tbh when you were saying about her DD and boundary issues it made me think it might actually be beneficial for her DD to not go! Give your DD freedom, I'm sure in 2 years + at the group she has friends

Original poster
Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 13:35

therewerefour, they both got a cab, but I drove them home.
She's saying she can't afford to do that every week, and I'm saying:
"I've never asked you to do that, just walk to mine on Friday and I'm happy to drive your dd there and back as usual."

OP posts:
PepsiLola · 23/01/2020 13:35

Defo don't look after a dog! Let her pay the £XXX kennel costs and realise how much of a favour you've been doing for her

fedup21 · 23/01/2020 13:35

In light of what's gone on recently I'm sure you'll agree that it's best for you to find someone other than me (& my dd) to look after Q in March, as I no longer feel comfortable doing so.

Good-am really pleased you’re going to send that. The sooner she knows, the less she’ll be able to moan that you’ve ‘let her down at the last minute’.

Tombliwho · 23/01/2020 13:36

Give her plenty of notice about the dog. She'll figure something out.
I honestly wouldnt be happy taking her daughter anymore either. It sounds like your daughter would be better off throwing herself into the group alone and making new friends.

Blackbear19 · 23/01/2020 13:36

Yes she might have been there but DH has sprung a surprise camping / b&b / hotel trip on you.

Original poster
Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 13:39

I'm not engaging further. I hope!! Hmm

If she turns up tomorrow I'm not sure what I'll do, tbh.
I will speak to my dd today and take her opinion into account though, as although I know she'd be happy to back me, I want her to have a say in this too (privately, that is).

OP posts:
Batqueen · 23/01/2020 13:40

I’m not sure ‘she will agree it’s best’ because in CF land, you are just being difficult again!

I think I’d be telling her straight that you were unwilling to do her any more favours due to feeling taken advantage of and unappreciated when you have tried to help her out previously!

Starburst8 · 23/01/2020 13:40

i've read both threads and i can't believe the cheek of her. As someone who doesn't drive, i'm honoured if someone is kind enough to offer taking me places (not very often as i have legs and can get myself around) and i always show gratitude etc for it, after all they're doing me a favour.

I think going forward i would just cut her off completely, with draw the offer of driving - even if they're willing to walk to yours. She's shown her true colors and doesn't deserve your generosity.
As for dog sitting that would be a big fat no from me too.

As for her working and you being a SAHM, So what, she chose to work (yes i get sometimes it's not a choice) Looking after kids is hard work! i'm a single mother of 1 and i work full time... to be honest some days it's like going for a break being at work Grin. Seriously though she's a CF thinking her time is more important than yours!

Ditch her!

KidCaneGoat · 23/01/2020 13:40

Thanks for starting a new thread. You have so many people behind you on this. But I’m also sorry you’re having to go through all this. It sounds super stressful.

KillingEvenings · 23/01/2020 13:41

Wow. I can't believe this is still going on. I thought it was all resolved last week. Well done OP for sticking to your guns!!

Straycatstrut · 23/01/2020 13:42

This has to be the cheekiest CF in Mumsnet history.

I don't think it QUITE beats Mexican house thief my face was stuck in a permanent Shock for a week after reading that - but it's up there!!

I expect she'll remove her DD from the club rather than walk her to your house, which is so sad for her. Totally CFs fault not yours. I'll be very surprised if she backs down though, people like this rarely do - and I bet she holds a long grudge and bitches about you to other parents - making it sound like you just dropped the lifts out of nowhere.

It's all so pathetic.