AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

I haven't read the whole thread, but have read Op's posts.

I'm sure it has been asked & answered, but is there a reason why the daughter couldn't walk herself over if it's so much effort for the mother to walk with her?

I think that text is fine, Op.

You've stated the obvious & I doubt she'll ever get it but at least you've told her.

The lift is yours to offer on her term-incredible that she thinks otherwise!

She tried it on, but when it didn't work she should have stopped.

Hope your daughter isn't too bothered.

I'm not surprised that some people think the OP has behaved appallingly, left people stranded and should have just continued being 'nice'. There are entitled cunts like the woman the OP has been dealing with out there so of course there are plenty people who believe that the OP is in the wrong you can definitely go with the majority on this one OP. In fact, anyone who thinks you did wrong, give them the woman's contact details, sounds like they will gladly give her lifts and look after her dog, seeing as they are such NICE people

You know @Whiskeychaser, the first moment I thought the balance was seriously wrong was in your second post (I think) of the original thread, when you mentioned you hadn't been a good friend to her when you were ill. Other than having your DD for a weekend when you were in hospital, you mentioned nothing about her supporting you.

And after today's update I am not surprised at all. You could have terminal cancer and she'd still expect you to run around after her.

Definitely never was a true friendship from her perspective. And I think the same goes for her DD. She's learnt from the best, that's a given.

You and your DD, on the other hand, sound lovely.

I think you should be proud of your text OP! It needed to be said.

Well done :)

@MintyMabel so what is your viewpoint? You think the op should just carry on making trips out of her way for someone who thinks she is owed it? Who doesn't pay her back ever, who wants to be lazy and not find a solution to their own problem? And you would do that? Right.. More likely you are the lazy person in that scenario.

In all seriousness though, you've done nothing wrong op. You gave her a solution, she's too lazy to use it and too stupid to see how it affects you. I don't personally like lazy or stupid people who use others, so wouldn't be friends with her either. Who would?

On waking, I'd had a response to my text saying simply "Fine. Have a nice, stress free life then".

I'm not answering or engaging any further.

To those that think I've been harsh, you're entitled to your opinion, but you've not lived my life so you can't really comment. I've obviously left some things out to keep it unidentifiable but this was just one snippet of her entitlement, it certainly wasn't the only one, I've just ignored the other behaviour in order to stay friends. I wasn't prepared to do that anymore, and actually I never expected any of this.

I truly thought her response to my request of walking 7-15 minutes to mine (depending on route taken) would've been:

"Of course, no problem, anything to help, especially as you're driving my dd every week!" "Do you mind if she gets to yours before it's dark though?"

To which I would've replied "thanks for that I appreciate it! Of course she can, that's no problem, see her then!"

And it would've been done.

That's how I would've reacted to a request from a friend, and I think most people would agree with me there.

She caused the drama, not me.

Thanks to everyone for their support and opinions, for and against, as it's actually given me lots to think about and really cemented how I feel about what's happened and how I reacted, etc.

The mum was always going to push and push further - she has been provoking you with each response (back from "that's not on" to Ignoring you and sending messages through her daughter.) Everyone has their limit, not many would have lasted until you did.

What a total bitch-I’d be tempted to send her a link to this thread!

I wouldn’t do it, but would want to...!

OP your text was perfect - with that CF I think the only way you'd ever be heard is to shout louder. The complete lack of self-awareness is astounding.

OP, you should text CF the link to this (and previous) thread 🤣
In all seriousness, it might demonstrate how many people think she is entitled and unreasonable!

Completely agree with LazyDaisy, Offtothemoon and MintyMabel. And no, I'm not the CF mother either. CF threads always bring out the worst in other people (I'm not talking about the OP) and it seems like people are encouraging the OP's of all these threads to behave in a certain way for their own entertainment. Every CF thread goes the same way- everyone sympathising with the OP, then pushing her to behave in a certain way to ensure dramatic responses from the CF, when OP doesn't behave in the way the mob wants them to then the mob starts turning against the OP and finding ways to manipulate the OP (in this case telling OP she was letting her dd down by not standing up to the CF) and then go back to being drama llama cheerleaders when the OP starts losing her rag. But never mind. At least the mumsnet mob had a lovely Friday evening relishing in someone else's misery.

wow 80 pages all because of a lift

"Fine. Have a nice, stress free life then"."

I'd have to sit on my hands to not send a thumbs up back to that

So if it was too far to walk to yours, chances of her walking home for over an hour are pretty slim!

If the girls really wanted to go together wouldn't they have been asking to both come to yours after school?

Or was there a reason that that couldn't happen that I've forgotten?

Oh dear her response really shows her real views. You have a 'stress' free life. She is jealous and bitter.

Indeed do just that op.

I am so amazed by you and how you have dealt with it I don't understand how people think you are being unreasonable. The last message sent was amazing and it was frank but not rude. Me and im sure alot if others would have said f u you bint weeks ago

@loogabarooga thanks for proving my point misery indeed!

Her reply is just outstanding! As if it’s your loss to not have to deal with her and her bullshit anymore

Well done op, you’ve tried to be reasonable and you’ve been gaslit, ignored, and emotionally blackmailed in response by her. So fuck it, it does come to a point where you have to stand up for yourself and your boundaries.

I haven’t read the whole thread (cardinal sin I know!) but I have read all of the OP’s posts on both threads.

I really think that if this hadn’t been carried on by text it might have had a very different outcome. If the OP had waited and just brought it all up in conversation at club over coffee I think the other mum would have found it more difficult to say no to her dd walking.

Eg:
OP - can we talk about me picking dd up for club? Obviously I’m happy to drop dd and you at club and back home again but I’m really struggling with time to actually get to you. The traffic can be a nightmare and I end up stressed if I’m late and you get stressed too and end up texting me. Could DD walk to mine to be there by 6? It would really help me out. If she takes the shortcut it’s less than ten minutes.

The other mum was much less likely to respond negatively face to face. She might have been reluctant but an actual chat may have helped come up with solutions whereas what happened was that she was pissed off and it all escalated.

I’ve seen so many threads on here with similar outcomes where I think face to face talking would not have escalated in the same way as text communication.

Well done OP.

I know this should be the end of it, but if I were you I would block her now, just in case she's flipping back through her little black book of suckers one day when she needs a favour........

This ends now, & is my last communication on the matter

Remind yourself of that. Because people like her will never let you have the last word. Do not ever text her again. Ever. Block her number. Delete her contact from your phone. Maybe keep/archive the texts in case they are ever needed. (Don't know why, some other close friend might come asking you why you refused to bring them to the club)

But.. Block her. NOW. And don't ever send her a text again. Might be best to block both her and her daughter on your daughter's phone too.

How is your DD feeling about it this morning, Whiskeychaser? Does she know about the final texts you've exchanged?

Her last text (too me) just confirms deep down she is jealous of / resents your life / circumstances compared to hers.