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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

999 replies

Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 12:51

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

OP posts:
Branster · 23/01/2020 15:35

That woman is unbelievable!
Let’s re-wind for a bit here. IF, and only IF, the girls are good friends and both want to continue with this club, what’s stopping the other girl coming to your house with your DD straight after school? As long as she makes sure she has the right kit to get changed into (she can take it to school with her in the morning) there’s no problem. The girls spend nearly 3 hours together, hanging out or doing some homework, you can feed them both at the same time before leaving the house at 6 then you drop the other girl to her own house or the mum walks to yours to collect her. And you stop all other arrangements like looking after their dog and never offer to do anything else for this woman.

Blackbear19 · 23/01/2020 15:38

Branster I think it's too late for that. Why should Op feed CFers DD?

northernlittledonkey · 23/01/2020 15:41

Well done for sticking to your guns. We do lift shares with people, but they're never normally so one sided! She should be treating you like royalty.!!

KatharinaRosalie · 23/01/2020 15:41

she doesn't feel she should have to walk after working all day

HOW on earth do people come up with stuff like that? Does she really think she's perfectly reasonable? I also don't feel that I should walk or cook dinner or do dishes or put kids to bed after working all day but tough luck..

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 23/01/2020 15:42

Looks like she found your thread 😁

AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?
nettie434 · 23/01/2020 15:42

Walk DD and Dog together to yours.

Very sensible solution from Blackbear19, although I know that is not the point if you are a CF. Have been following other thread Whiskeychaser. Hope migraine doesn’t get worse and just another poster saying you are right to stop this.

squarecat · 23/01/2020 15:43

The op has said the other girl can be a bit overpowering so didn't want to encourage coming home from school together.

KatharinaRosalie · 23/01/2020 15:44

Wait, they have a dog? Well DD does not have to walk alone then, she can walk with the dog, and pick it up at yours afterwards again. Dog would love it.

Longwhiskers14 · 23/01/2020 15:44

Branster, OP's DD doesn't want the friend at her house all Friday afternoon, as they have an early finish.

BrendasUmbrella · 23/01/2020 15:44

She sounds so much like my own DM I'm actually cringing...

Incapable of apologizing, pushing every friendship to its limits with CF-ery... If this woman backtracks it will be a miracle. I feel that she would rather stop her child going to this activity, and leave the dog alone in the house rather than, well I was going to say apologize, but you're not even asking for that. All she needs to do is back down!

AryaStarkWolf · 23/01/2020 15:45

@Branster The OP already gave that option to her DD and her DD didn't want her coming home with her every Friday.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/01/2020 15:46

Looks like she found your thread

bahahahaha

I hope she has the cheeky fucker

SleepWarrior · 23/01/2020 15:47

Oh dear, I w0uld hate how drawn out this has become too. Being a push over wouldn't be a good message to send to your DD though, so I think you're doing well.

Drum2018 · 23/01/2020 15:48

@Branster you clearly have not read both threads in full. Op has said why she doesn't want this girl coming over for the afternoon. Op has been more than accommodating so does not need to start doing more for this girl.

LondonJax · 23/01/2020 15:49

It always amazes me when parents book clubs or trips with no idea how they're going to get their kids there, so rely on other people to do it for them.

I don't have access to a car during the week - DH needs it to get to his work, I work locally. So if DS has a trip or a club and needs meeting he and I walk. If it's that far afield we'd get a cab. My choice for him to do a club, my responsibility to get him there.

And if we are lucky enough to be offered a regular lift I wouldn't dream of expecting door to door service. It doesn't matter if it's chucking it down - if he wants to go and we get the offer of a lift we walk to that friends house.

Time to close the cab service. As for the 'she works and she's tired' there's an easy answer. Don't work, cut your hours or get the DD to give up the club. It's not rocket science - her decision to do her job, her responsibility to say to her DD that life has changed. You could be sitting around all day doing your nails and it's still not down to you to be her chauffeur.

MillennialPink · 23/01/2020 15:50

Off topic, but if you suffer from migraines, I have discovered that Boots have an own brand Migraine Relief tablet that works better than Migralieve. Only two tablets in a pack.

TheTrollFairy · 23/01/2020 15:51

I have just read both threads and honestly wonder where these cheeky fuckers come from?
The bloody cheek of saying she doesn’t see why she should have to walk Shock well because you don’t have a car and your ‘friend’ is doing you a favour which benefits her in no way whatsoever

PattiPrice · 23/01/2020 15:54

To be frank, do you really want a friendship when she has clearly told you and shown you how littke respect she has for you?

It is easy for MNetters to keep adding what you could and should say theoretically. Quite a different position to be in it personally.

Really just cut this woman out of your life. She is not adding anything to it and it is having a negative effect on your daughter.

The text saga is immature. You have said what you wanted to say. She has thrown it back in your face. The relationship is over and for your daughter’s sake, you need to make this very clear.

Qwerty543 · 23/01/2020 15:55

My reply would have been 'any previous arrangements between us have now ended' the moment she involved your DD. People like this act that way because they end up getting their way because of people pleasers. Even if she backed down now there is no way you should take her DD anymore. Cheeky bloody mare!

Member984815 · 23/01/2020 15:58

Friendship over I'd say

Pinkette06 · 23/01/2020 15:59

Good on you op. Don't back down. Can't believe some people! And saying those things to the girls is terrible.

Ilovepinot · 23/01/2020 16:04

In my area dogsitters charge £25 a day minimum. What a CF hope you get it sorted OP, dragging the children into it is very low.

SaltedCaramelEverything · 23/01/2020 16:09

OP I think you’ve dealt with this all so well and love that you’re considering the role model you’re being to your DD. Great advice been given here too. Stay strong!!

RandomMess · 23/01/2020 16:09

BTW the phrase shouldn't be you asked her to "help you out" by her DD walking to you.

It should be "I can only continue doing you the favour of giving your DD a lift to and from club if she walks to mine"

🤬 at the CF

FilledSoda · 23/01/2020 16:10

She is really giving you no option but to completely cut her off
I'd love to know what the thought process is for CFs,
How can someone be so entitled?