AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

[Whiskeychaser]

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

OP you have done nothing wrong at all. She has. Your daughter needs to see you being assertive yet polite which she has done. It’s hard when you want to people please. I do too. Always. And then am shocked but not surprised when people treat me like you’ve been treated. You don’t offer a favour as a forever thing. She should be grateful but isn’t. The lack of replies shows she’s sulking. You need to spend your time explaining to your daughter why it’s ok to be firm. Not ok to be rude like they are. You’ve done brilliantly and anyone saying stuff to side with CF is likely practised in the art of CF themselves. It’s some people’s MO to expect others to serve them. I work with a person who openly says “god I’m not doing it” about shared activity like going to get more tea bags. She won’t change but I don’t have to agree with her or make her feel that’s ok.

Sorry OP, but she has played you like a fiddle.
She can now claim that Whiskey offered me a lift home and drove off without me.
She can say to you that she intended to come out and apologise but you'd gone.
When questioned why she didn't go to speak to you during the
Club, she can say she was waiting to you to come in as she wanted to apologise in front of other people so show she was sincere.
All bollocks of course, but she has now manipulated herself into the position of victim.

CF has just manipulated the situation, by "being late" for the lift back you abandoned them.
She knows she has screwed up and now needs you to take the blame.

I wouldn't message her again as anything you say will be used against you.

Save the dog cancellation for dealing with her next move which I imagine will be through for DD, the coach or other parents.
it's not easy.

Haven't caught up fully yet, but feel I have to pick up on @OffToTheMoon 's point.

IMO, last week was different because I went inside and sat talking to the mum whilst the club was on. This time I stayed in my car as I didn't actually know she was there until I got my dd's text.
I also said on my text to her earlier that day that I was happy to drive them there and back if her dd walked to mine, which she didn't.

I've done nothing wrong, although I did lose my temper with her after she texted me late last night.

Will read rest of contents before I update though, but it's definitely over now as far as I'm concerned.

Just catching up & OP I really feel for you and your DD. I've gone through a friendship breakup recently (I had reached my limit too). And it has been really difficult as I had to draw boundaries, which I've never done before. The other person in my scenario didn't take this well - and I think that's quite common with ppl who have "used" you for so long. They cannot bear your change - it makes it really uncomfortable for them. My ex-friend kept messaging me and I ended up blocking her. My good friend told me "don't get in the ring" - best advice I've had. When this person was kicking off, I didn't engage. It helped me get over my feelings of guilt at "doing something bad" by not being there.

I have followed as I, like you, struggle with being assertive - I'm very co-dependent. I want to say you've done brilliantly - hope this is all put to bed soon & that the CF stops using her daughter to manipulate your DD.

Take care of yourself

What did she text you late last night, Whiskeychaser?

Your Ex friend sounds like a weirdo and a bit of a user...you and your DD are better off without them both

Not surprised at that

*I would not allow my children to start a club where we would rely on someone else for a lift every week. It wouldn't be fair on anyone. I would ensure that we had an alternative plan, be that taxi, bus, walking or whatever, and if lifts were offered, I would make a point of asking if we/my child could meet them somewhere more convenient, pay towards petrol money, but then a coffee or whatever. driver

My children understand that we have to walk most places because we don't drive. They moan sometimes, they're kids, but that's life. I would never allow them to expect ongoing favours.*

Non-driver here too, same attitude!

I took on a big bus ride/walking up huge hills, crossing main roads to take my eldest to swimming lessons as the only place that had a space was that far away. I also had a baby with me. In winter in was awful in the dark and SO cold after. We had 4 minutes to race for the bus after, If we missed it, it was a 56minute wait. I did it and DS got his lessons.

A space has come up closer (at a posh health club, DS is well impressed ) but it's still a huge walk there and back, but to be honest I'm enjoying the exercise!!

Fair play OP. I have really felt for you and the DDs in all this.

I am inspire by your handling of it all and also by the amazing support and advice on here too. It could have easily turned into a very public slanging match in front of the girls. Wine fully deserved.

Don't let her shame you in anyway! (I know you won't!!)

Op did NOTHING wrong, if she’d have had a reply accepting her (generous!) offer that’s one thing but she was rudely ignored, so it’s safe to assume they didn’t want a lift.

I am really sorry you've been put through this. You are a good person with really good intentions and that's a rarity. You should've been treated properly and with the kindness and gratitude you deserve and I am genuinely sorry you've been treated like this it's wrong.

I hope you and your DD come through this and keep being the good people you are. It's shit somebody took advantage of you but you've still come out on top.

She’s just a fucking cow really isn’t she?

Have I missed something OP? Did you mean she texted you late last night? And you lost your temper? What did she text?

Reading through it sounds like this OP took you totally for granted showing no appreciation for the lifts so I don't blame you for having enough.

At least she could have bought you some token gifts or offered petrol money.

She could have walked over with her dd as you suggested

Yanbu and she has burnt her bridges.

I mean the CF took you for granted OP 😊

I don't drink very often so I was a little drunk when she texted me, although that doesn't really excuse me losing my temper, but her text basically said that this is all my fault, she would never have let her dd start the club if she'd realised I was going to be unreliable (I haven't!) and refuse to drive her dd there and back (I've never refused).

She doesn't understand what's changed between last 2 years & this year (even though I've explained it to her several times,ie, my schedule is different, I'm really busy now and struggling to get it all done in time), and she thinks I'm being really unreasonable especially expecting her to walk after she's been working and when it's only 3 minutes out of my way....it isn't, there and back to my original point (where I'd be if I wasn't doubling back), is more like 15 minutes in rush hour traffic, so 7 mins there and 7 mins back, and actually that's not the point.

She then went on to say I'm a coward for not facing her at club (!), and thinks I've deliberately orchestrated this to 'get out of' the friendship.

Also, it's all on me that her dd can no longer do something she enjoys, and she's done with it all as I'll obviously never see her point of view.

I replied: "No! You don't get to blame me for this, how dare you! I've given you chance after chance to save face and let your dd walk to mine. You and your stubbornness is entirely to blame for this. It's your fault your dd will no longer be attending, not mine.
I'm really hurt at how you've behaved and can't believe your sense of entitlement. This was a favour given by me to you, not a right and I'm fucked if you think I'm going to let you walk all over me, and still hang around like some puppy dog.

This ends now, & is my last communication on the matter, and in case it wasn't obvious, I'm no longer able to look after Q, so find some other mug.

Reading it back this morning, I'm not proud of my tone , but she really pushed my buttons, so I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

Just dealing with my hangover headache now, lol, so that serves me right!!

Perfect response to her. Shes an entitled cow.

You should be proud. That's not losing your temper and acting in an unreasonable manner. Which part do you feel bad about?
People don't get to treat you like shit and not hear about it.

Wow.

Hahaha brilliant OP, the stupid bitch will still be reeling from being put so firmly in her place!

Hope you’ve told her to find a dog sitter as well.

Good for you!

raising a glass to you op!! The text was well justified imo!!

Well done OP! Excellent response. And actually I think your tone was great. You've tried a reasonable, gentle tone many times already and it did not work.

Your text message was perfect. I cannot believe the AUDACITY of this cheeky bitch!