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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re: lift giving: will she turn up on Friday or not?

999 replies

Whiskeychaser · 23/01/2020 12:51

Second thread.

Thanks for all the support.

Dreading them coming out od school because I can see my dd getting it in the ear from them, and I'm really feeling for her.

Link to first thread to follow in a minute (when I figure it out).

OP posts:
Saddler · 25/01/2020 00:04

I reckon she was staying behind after to make a point and expected you to be outside waiting. That's her lesson learnt for the week 😂

LaurieFairyCake · 25/01/2020 00:05

I also think she thought you'd wait. She thought her lack of texting you back was enough to manipulate you into waiting to 'keep/make the peace'

Well done for not waiting. Thanks

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 25/01/2020 00:13

Whiskey - just in case you feel awkward when you wake up and wonder if you did the right thing, just remember :

Over the last two weeks she has chosen to be rude every chance she had.

You did not know that they were going to the club tonight, in fact her daughter said to your at school that you were being so difficult that she wasn't allowed to go to the club even if you did capitulate and collect her. Or maybe they're looking for someone else to take them.

Any normal person would have contacted you before the club to say "Hi, we'll make our own way there tonight so don't wait for us at 6pm, let me know if it still suits to take us home."

And when you weren't there in the club, they'd have sent a message saying "I want to catch the coach for a quick chat tonight, if I can't speak to them until the end do you mind waiting for us? I'll be as quick as i can."

It's not you that has been unreasonable.

OffToTheMoon · 25/01/2020 00:22

I must be in the minority here, although i agree she is a CF and has behaved atrociously and op you have every right to be angry, I don't think driving off without her tonight was the right thing to do.
In your last text to her this afternoon you offered to take her home, then you drove away without her.
Of course, she has behaved badly, of course she should have contacted you to accept your (generous) offer, but last week you took her home without a text confirmation from her. This week you once again offered, but then you drive off and leave her stranded.
I agree she should have let you know she might be a few minutes behind you as she had to talk to the coach, but really, leaving her there after you had offered (only that afternoon) to take her home does not cover you in glory.

And imo, you still need to be clear about the dog sitting. At the moment she thinks you are doing it and it is your responsibility to tell her otherwise. In my book, two wrongs don't make a right and if you let her down at the last minute over the dog (like you did tonight with the lift), then i think you lose the moral high ground.

saraclara · 25/01/2020 00:30

Shes a cheeky fucker but i think you've been goaded here into making this more drama than it needed to be

Yes. I don't think you'd have sent that last text without being goaded to in this thread. And I think it was a mistake. You'd been reasonable, calm and logical up to that point. You should just have driven home with your daughter and it put it all behind you. Up to that point there was really nothing that this mother could reasonably have used against you.

But the peanut gallery here egged you on, and drove you off the high road. I suspect that both you and your daughter will now pay for that last text, while those who encouraged you get on with their lives unaffected, now that the excitement is over.

alibongo5 · 25/01/2020 00:31

@OffToTheMoon I completely disagree. The CF did not get in touch to say she was going so why should OP wait on the off chance she needed a lift home? She didn't say she wanted a lift home after she was staying behind to talk to the coach. Is OP meant to be a fucking mind reader as well as a complete mug?

And your comment about letting her down at the last minute "like you did tonight" is completely, incredibly wrong!

saraclara · 25/01/2020 00:32

leaving her there after you had offered (only that afternoon) to take her home does not cover you in glory.

I missed that bit of the story. And yes, I agree.

Nomorelaundry · 25/01/2020 00:32

How exactly will they pay?!
OP is a grown up so black just block this woman. She has zero need to ever communicate with her ever again.

Her DD if CF Jr. decides to play up needs to learn how to deal with this anyway. It's a life skill.
Ignore, block, move on and utilise teachers etc if it escalates

They will not pay. Because they hold zero power over them.

HillAreas · 25/01/2020 00:32

Just going to cancel out the nonsense from @OffToTheMoon with a counter message that no, in no world (or even on the moon) is it reasonable to ignore an offer entirely and still expect it to be on the table waiting for you when you haven’t even taken two seconds to acknowledge it was made.

If I said to a friend “do you fancy a trip to the cinema tomorrow night?” And didn’t get a response, would I be standing at the door with tickets and popcorn in the hope that she would show up? Would she be reasonable to ignore me, turn up, then get shirty because I’m at home in my jammies?
It’s the same principle.

GreenTulips · 25/01/2020 00:35

It think she purposefully didn’t text or ask OP to wait knowing she’d leave - because she planned it.

She’s a spiteful and twisted, she wanted OP to look and feel bad. She’ll be telling everyone OP left her stranded.

If she wanted a lift she had all day to thank OP for offering and arrange the lift. Or text back to say thanks for the offer but we’re doing x instead.

She’s crafty

OffToTheMoon · 25/01/2020 00:36

hill except that last week, CF did exactly the same and was given lift, so the expectation was there.

alibongo5 · 25/01/2020 00:37

@HillAreas Perfectly put! If she can't be bothered to reply the offer is not still on the table!

Spartonian · 25/01/2020 00:38

Would it not of just been easier and a lot more simple if CF's DD had just got a cab to your house instead of "walking in the dark" and then would not of needed a cab all the way every week, just to yours at a cost of around £5 or even less.

AmelieTaylor · 25/01/2020 00:39

Get DD to reply.

‘It would have been easier & cheaper to walk 7 minutes to our house wouldn’t it. Shame your mum couldn’t be bothered’

Would you PLEASE stop saying that you just wanted her to help you out a little by walking to your house. That’s NOT helping you. You have done them a favour for two years. Getting them to walk to your house would simply have enabled you to continue to do them a favour!! It’s NOT helping you!

Nomorelaundry · 25/01/2020 00:39

And the expectation can be there all she likes. But once you act like a raging butch you need to consider that adults do not tolerate that BS and will leave you high and dry.

HillAreas · 25/01/2020 00:41

@OffToTheMoon
That’s exactly the issue! The expectation was there, but apparently no obligation for any common courtesy from CF.
She knows not to expect anything now, and that is entirely of her own doing. OP has tied herself in knots over the last few weeks in order to still do CF a favour. Nobody has the right to expect favours, and especially not from people they have treated like shit on their shoe.

OffToTheMoon · 25/01/2020 00:48

Hill, i agree with you that Nobody has the right to expect favours, and especially not from people they have treated like shit on their shoe, but the op only that afternoon offered to take her dd home, then drove off without her.
I just think that part of things could have been handled better. Boundaries are good, clearly communicated boundaries are better.
As far as i can see the op offered the lift, wound herself up in the carpark (understandably because the cf was rude) but then drove off without the dd. I think she should have honoured her offer of a lift, but on the way home, told the cf 'no more lifts'.

HillAreas · 25/01/2020 00:53

We are never going to agree. OP didn’t, doesn’t and never has owed that bitch anything.

And all this hysterical talk about “leaving them stranded” I’m seeing ... my goodness me, if they made their way way it’s surely not beyond their wit to use the same means to get back again.
Poor, abandoned CF, all alone in the world with a CHILD donchooknow... SadSadSad

Nomorelaundry · 25/01/2020 00:55

And then CF Jr was horrible to her DD. Actions have consequences.

Chocmallows · 25/01/2020 01:21

"Actions have consequences"
They do. OP has stepped back from being a doormat and her DD has already said the CFs behaviour was wrong, I think her DD will be fine as her mum has shown her the way.

Bootstraps · 25/01/2020 01:22

Get DD to reply. ‘It would have been easier & cheaper to walk 7 minutes to our house wouldn’t it. Shame your mum couldn’t be bothered’

Yeah no don’t do that OP. Don’t get your DD to be rude about her friend’s mother. A 14 year old girl slagging of an adult to their daughter is not a good look, however justified. And it’s particularly unwise to do it in writing ... especially if you end up following other advice and going to your DD’s school to complain about the other girl bullying her.

Just disengage and tell your DD to do the same. Anything else at this stage and you’re feeding the drama.

Lucifer666 · 25/01/2020 01:57

@OffToTheMoon are you serious? Answer me this if your dd was ignored all day at school and only acknowledged to be told her mum is being difficult because said cf is digging her heels in over a 15 min walk. She didn't have the common decency to send a short text saying I don't need a lift to the club tonight. Taking into account how she's acted passive aggressive towards OP and OP dd for weeks because this time the OP isn't bending over backwards to accomodate her over a 15 min walk and you think the OP should drive them home! This isn't a case of two wrongs don't make a right its a case of a cheeky fucker throwing a strop because she can't get her own way read the full bloody threads before posting. The OP was right to drive off why should she be her fucking taxi when she can't even be grateful for the last 2 years of picking up and dropping off 🙄

Helini · 25/01/2020 02:08

@Crazyoldmaurice's reply is a gem. I don't think it should actually be sent but it just highlights how utterly ludicrous CF has made the situation!

"oh! Your mum didnt reply to my mum about the lifts so she assumed you weren't coming back with us anymore. How ironic this all came about because your mum didnt want to walk the 10 mins to our house and now your having to walk 80 mins home instead"

Maybe DD could have that response on her belt just incase CF' DD gives it large on Monday. I mean, you can't argue with that.

So the PP who said 'if you needed a lift, why didn't you come out?' and just looking confused is another good one for DD to be armed with.

Helini · 25/01/2020 02:14

I also think she thought you'd wait. She thought her lack of texting you back was enough to manipulate you into waiting to 'keep/make the peace'. Well done for not waiting'

^THIS

messolini9 · 25/01/2020 02:32

'if you needed a lift, why didn't you come out?' and just looking confused

Yes, this is perfect, sorry don't know which PP came up with it.

Far better than mine which is too long & open to drama leverage, maybe due to wishing CF to feel both barrels ... but what's the point? CF has been buying her own bullshit for so long she half believes it's real.

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