DH doesn't want to fly with me to visit my family

[happychange]

My family live the other side of the world, think Australia way. I'm having baby no 2 soon, and taking a year out for Mat leave. I would love for our two kids to spend an extended time back home with my family, over 1-2 months, while I have the time.

I did this and flew solo on my own with DC1, but a bit hesitant to fly solo on my own with 2 kids.

I mentioned this to DH and asked if he could fly with me in Dec say to help with the two kids on a flight, and then come back in February to pick us up again. He would of course have a couple of weeks in a hot summer weather as well.

He scoffed at this suggestion, and asked if I could ask my family instead to do it. At which point, I got a bit annoyed - why on earth, if he can't be arsed to do it, would someone in my family want to do it??

AIBU to expect him to do this? Or should I fly solo again with the two kids? Or ask my family to help?

FWIW, I'm 34 weeks pregnant and he's been home late from work every night this past two weeks, which has also annoyed me no end. He's not around to help with DC1, so this latest comment has made me wonder why I don't just go solo and do it all alone.

The expense, and go on I'll be the first one to mention the CO2 emissions for an unnecessary flight to Australia

That's what I said up thread 😀

I don't think you're unreasonable to suggest a family holiday to Australia to visit your extended family. I would expect him to want to be part of that. And if he can only take a couple of weeks holiday, but you're both happy for you to stay longer with the kids, that's fine.

But it's nuts to expect him to fly back a month later just to accompany you home. Yes, it's daunting to do a flight like that with toddler and baby, but there are other ways to get help: You could easily find someone who will be flying back and offer to pay towards their flight if they help you with the kids (like a temp au pair), or some airlines offer a paid in flight nanny service (though not cheap).

But it also sounds like there's some tension there you need to work through anyway, so I'd suggest you talk through that when you're able to, without bringing holiday plans into it

So you actually want him to do 4 long haul flights

Out Dec
Back Dec - Solo

Out Feb - Solo
Back Feb

Is he not bothered about you and the children being away for Christmas, it will be the second childs first Christmas?

Sorry I agree with most of the other posters. Utter madness!

He could go with you one way and a family member could go with you the other?

I think I'd expect him to come with me and spend a couple of weeks' holiday with my family, but it's unreasonable to expect him to fly out again to "bring" you home

Take a ‘nanny’ with you. There are loads of people out there who would jump at the chance of a free trip to Australia or wherever.

So you want to go halfway across the world without him for two months but expect him to do 2 round trips to accompany you? Would this plan of yours also mean him missing Christmas with his children?

Completely unfair to ask him and a bonkers plan

How does he feel about you going at all?

I can't imagine DH being happy to be separated from his two very young children (or his wife!) for so long

YABU, I wouldn’t want to go if I were him. It’s also a bit harsh that you want to leave him for so long.

You are sounding a bit mad TBH.

Why would he do this?

Wait until number two arrives before deciding anything. I think your hormones are affecting your judgement.

I’ve done it with a 3yo and 5mth old alone. Canada to NZ with a 10hr layover in LA. You’ll be fine. Umbrella stroller for the older and a sling for the baby. Backpack with your plane stuff in.

I'm afraid it's just one of those things. I've had to fly long-haul with three young ones in tow, one with SEN, due to my OH's work commitments. With very careful preparation (believe me there are forums out there for exactly this), it can be done. You CAN do this! Or yes, hire it out if you have the funds.

late from work every night past two weeks that for me would depend what he does. Is he paid hourly and helping save like mad for extra money, a medic who can't walk away from the current waves and waves of patients coming into hospital and we have no staff, or a lazy bugger who is just avoiding bedtime?!

Your plan sounds hugely unfair on your husband.

He has to do four long haul flights to Australia (which is hell at the best of times), two of which are on his own because you don't feel you can cope alone, and on top of that he has to spend two months away from his children - presumably missing out on Christmas as well?

It would a) cost you an absolute fortune, b) be a total waste of both time and money and c) be hugely unfair and exhausting for your husband.

If you can't cope on the flight alone then don't go. Or just go for two weeks as a family and you all fly back together.

Wow OP I really hope this is pregnancy hormones talking.

sorry but i wouldn't be prepared to go either, it might be difficult but babies are very portablel and the toddler will probably sleep a fair bit.

Madness. Also pretty selfish of you to want to take the kids, including a newborn, away from their father for 2 months!

why on earth, if he can't be arsed to do it, would someone in my family want to do it??

Perhaps he’s thinking there are people in your family who’d also like to see your parents?

On the flight issue you’re BU, on the effort he puts into your lives he’s BU.

Carbon footprint.

YABU

I don't see why he couldn't do. 1 way see Ben and fly back.

Yabu

Go out all four of you for Christmas. Use it as a trial for flying with two dc. He comes home after 2/3 weeks after Christmas.

You fly back with the 2dc in Feb.

I'd be miffed if I was him to miss so much of my kids.