DH asked me to take underwear pics at work

[AdalbertWaffling]

So today I get a text from DH asking for me to go and take some pics of me in my underwear in the loos at work and send them to him. I replied "No... X". Firstly I was super busy so didn't have time, secondly I can't think of anything less sexy than taking my top off in a toilet cubicle and trying to take a selfie, and thirdly I'M AT WORK so really didn't feel like it was appropriate.

I have now asked him something else and just got back "No... X", so he's obviously pissed off at my response, or lack of. Tbh knowing him he probably would have been fine with me saying no by laughing it off, or in a way that didn't make him feel bad for asking. I'm really not sure if IABU here! I don't think I was in that I was at work, but also we're in a loving relationship and maybe I should have been a bit kinder in my response? Or maybe I should have just nipped off for 2 mins, taken a selfie and not been such a prude???

@outtathelefteyei you might be wrong here, actually... sadly there's just too many simpering dickpanderers on MN.

I'm having great sex, thanks for asking.

Me, too! With both men and women and men and women who enjoy both sexes as well. I've been having sex since 1986, never lacked for partners who deemed consent minimal or couldn't use their imagination, even once there was the internet.

@cavabiensepasser yes, you're probably right; I can never quite wrap my head around the handmaid thing.

So fucked up.

This thread is very strange. OP has said she’s fine with the occasional nude selfie to her dh (just not at work). That’s fair enough.
Yet she’s received a deluge of responses telling her that her dh is a controlling misogynistic arse and she should ltb. Really?
Sex and foreplay between spouses is a great thing and just because another couple might like something that you don’t doesn’t mean they’re depraved or delinquent.

OP : glad you got it sorted.

Insecurity, internalised misogyny and a desperate need for male approval, outta :(

I am presuming some of you saying you would do this are either very young or very naive— next thing you know there’s a fall out and your pics are doing the rounds on Reddit. I’m very sorry but I know someone this happened to, it isn’t a myth.

If to keep a bloke these days you have to send underwear selfies etc then I can honestly say I would rather not bother with relationships should I find myself single.

Gosh what a fuss. What he asked wasn't weird. It was intimate. He should have asked. She had the right to say no. He'll get over it.

I would guess most of us posting here are in relationships, somehow we have managed to sustain them without locking ourselves in the cubicle at work and taking a photo of our bra. So dont despair user.

Ha just read some of the comments on my comment. !!

No don't worry I'm not sad!! I just obviously didn't get my point across. I think that if someone is your partner then you share stuff with them. And look after them. You give and get everything from each other. Call me old fashioned.

So what should the DH have done? Had the idea but berated himself for being weird and not asked her? Should she have got explicitly angry with him for asking something so outrageous?

These people are supposed to fancy each other, be on the same wavelength, be sexual partners as well as the rest. So it's ok to ask for something. And it's also ok to give something. How is that weird? Why would it be weird to do something your partner liked? Surely it works both ways?

So do you also think eg oral sex is demeaning as well? Because it's what - giving your partner what they want?!

Taking a risqué pic of yourself is demeaning? Yeah sure if you don't want to and you're doing it because you're scared to say no in case your DH leaves you. But if you want to and it's part of the flirtation between the two of you - that's not wrong! That's healthy!

Not at work it's not.

I would have sent a picture without the bra. In my lunch hour, of course. I like sharing my breasts with my husband. That's why I married him. We have sex. We talk about sex. I think that's ... a sexual relationship?

Not doing it if you don't want to is also perfectly ok, Lotte. Women aren't sex slaves.

OP stated she did not want to do this. Why should she violate her boundaries? There is absolutely NO reason why she, or any other woman, should EVER violate her boundaries for a man's sexual gratification. That's not giving and taking, that's one side using the other.

My partner wouldn't need to sulk because I would have sex with him.

What - every single time, @TheBlueStocking?

Either you've discovered a magic pill that allows 2 separate people to feel desire at exactly the same moment for their entire lives together, or you've internalised some pretty odd ideas about consent.

Given your previous comments about having to keep your partner 100% satisfied at all times lest he stray, I'm guessing the latter.

Maybe he thought she was being passive aggressive first by refusing? It would have taken a few minutes and put a simile on DH’s face, but instead she has chosen to waste hours moaning to MN about it

@busybarbara, what in the name of holy fuck do you think is "passive aggressive" about not wishing to engage in a sexual act?

And how is 'putting a smile' on HIS face more important than HER simple wish not to engage at that moment?

Maybe he thought she was being passive aggressive first by refusing?

Fuck sake saying no to something you don't want to.do is being passive aggressive? Errrr no its not.

It would have taken a few minutes and put a simile on DH’s face, but instead she has chosen to waste hours moaning to MN about it.

So op.should do anything her oh asks no matter how she feels about it because putting smile on his face us more important? JHC!

I'm going to put the cat amongst the pigeons here and say that those who are not interested in keeping their husbands sexually interested in them are very likely going to be the same ones on here saying they've found out he's been having an affair.

If my dh was only interested in photos of my books in a toilet and not me as a person I would think I had married a bloody shallow man child and be glad if he left. How low can your standards get? Sexual interest is a lot deeper than tacky boob photos in a grotty toilet.

I must have discovered that magic pill too, because when mine gets aroused so do I. Oh - there it is again - wanting to have sex with your sexual partner ...... not weird ...... normal ......

It was fine for her to say no, but also fine for him to feel annoyed. Her saying no was a bit patronising. 'No ... x'

A man who gets annoyed at a woman who refuses to engage in a sexual activity is a weak and pathetic excuse for a man.

Why is having sex with your DH being a sex slave? Isn't he a sex slave too then?

What is this bollocks??

Boobs even!

sadly there's just too many simpering dickpanderers on MN

Holy shit @cavabiensepasser I'm about to laugh or fucking cry.
Simpering Dickpanderers is going in the armoury lexicon.

Anyhow the Op updated way back that he apologised and won't do it again. So he's not weak and contemptible. He was just embarrassed when he got the put down. And they've talked and it's fine. 👌

Do you want a cup of tea.
No
Do you want to send a photo of your bra.
No
Not patronising. Just saying no. You have to wonder why some people get so upset at the idea of women saying no.