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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH asked me to take underwear pics at work

290 replies

AdalbertWaffling · 22/01/2020 17:31

So today I get a text from DH asking for me to go and take some pics of me in my underwear in the loos at work and send them to him. I replied "No... X". Firstly I was super busy so didn't have time, secondly I can't think of anything less sexy than taking my top off in a toilet cubicle and trying to take a selfie, and thirdly I'M AT WORK so really didn't feel like it was appropriate.

I have now asked him something else and just got back "No... X", so he's obviously pissed off at my response, or lack of. Tbh knowing him he probably would have been fine with me saying no by laughing it off, or in a way that didn't make him feel bad for asking. I'm really not sure if IABU here! I don't think I was in that I was at work, but also we're in a loving relationship and maybe I should have been a bit kinder in my response? Or maybe I should have just nipped off for 2 mins, taken a selfie and not been such a prude???

OP posts:
JolieOBrien · 22/01/2020 17:51

Men are weird ... pmsl

OccasionalNachos · 22/01/2020 17:51

Much as I think this is inappropriate & wouldn’t do it, I am baffled by people saying they would get into trouble at work for doing this. My employers aren’t watching me in the toilet cubicles (I hope - if they are, that’s way worse...) & hopefully OP’s DH is requesting these for personal use only & not planning to flog them off anywhere?

Yanbu at all, but talk to him & see whether it was a silly joke or if he has expectations of you that you’re not willing to fulfill. That will guide how to deal with this further.

KaptainKaveman · 22/01/2020 17:55

He sounds like he is a) about 14 and b) a pervert. On what planet could such behaviour be described as normal? Poor you, being lumbered with a moron like that.

JolieOBrien · 22/01/2020 17:57

@KaptainKaveman

Well said!

diddl · 22/01/2020 17:57

What a twat he sounds.

Why is it on you to tip toe & manage his feelings?

So what if he feels bad because you wouldn't send him an underwear pic from work?!

CountFosco · 22/01/2020 17:58

Ask him what would happen to him at work if a manager walked in on him taking photos of himself in his pants in the loos at work. Then ask why he would put your job at risk by asking you to do that. You need to be professional at work, it's completely unprofessional to take underwear photos at work.

KaptainKaveman · 22/01/2020 17:58

Does he laugh at poo and fart jokes as well?

2020BetterBeBetter · 22/01/2020 17:59

Are you two very young?

Maskedsingeroctopus · 22/01/2020 18:00

This is on fleabag and I thought at the the time. Is this a thing people do now?

SentimentalKiller · 22/01/2020 18:00

FFS What a creep

DesLynamsMoustache · 22/01/2020 18:02

Ha, we used to do this years ago! Hopefully no one was spying on me in the loo Grin but it's perfectly fine not to want to and nothing more needs to be said. If he's in a grump about it, then he's being a dick.

cavabiensepasser · 22/01/2020 18:03

Ok...

Dude wanted a bit of a wank aid, which you refused to provide because:

  1. you do not exist to satisfy his wank needs
  2. you were at work, and shouldn't be expected to drop everything to satisfy his sexual needs whenever/wherever
  3. you didn't want to do that.

You replied 'No', a complete sentence.

He then threw a strop and... you wonder if you should have been KINDER??!!

Are you always such a doormat, OP? Are you his personal sex toy, or a woman and a human being in your own right?
Do you often put his needs above yours, and above your comfort?

Dude sounds like a sleaze anyway. I wouldn't put up with this shit and would either leave or hand him his arse on a plate.

FiveStoryFire · 22/01/2020 18:04

Why is it ok for you to text him "No...X" but not for him to text you the same thing?

GenderfreeJoe · 22/01/2020 18:04

Ermm no. Just no. You're at work for goodness sake. What is he, 12?

Original poster
AdalbertWaffling · 22/01/2020 18:04

Thanks everyone, I will have a chat with him when I get home from work tonight and explain why I don't think it's okay to ask this. He won't have seen it as a big deal, and no I don't work anywhere that it would have been classed as gross misconduct (school, etc). I'm 30, he's 35. He's asked me maybe twice before and I've said no both times, but more lightly batting the question away rather than a pointed 'no'. I think he just thinks it's a bit of fun, there's nothing sinister about it

OP posts:
cavabiensepasser · 22/01/2020 18:05

(I also can't stop wondering why, and how, do women pair up with childish, low quality men AND manage to put up with them.)

pointythings · 22/01/2020 18:05

You need to tell him that no means no, you will not be doing this ever, and not to ask you again.

He sounds a bit pathetic.

2020BetterBeBetter · 22/01/2020 18:06

He won't have seen it as a big deal

Why did you marry him?

cavabiensepasser · 22/01/2020 18:07

He sounds a bit pathetic

Yup. And unsexy. Decidedly unsexy.

OverByYer · 22/01/2020 18:07

He needs to grow up

Biscuitsdisappear · 22/01/2020 18:14

Ask him to start first

Leflic · 22/01/2020 18:16

“No” and a kiss isn’t being mean though. It’s just an “I’m busy”.

Equanimitas · 22/01/2020 18:17

Was he at work? Might his employers have something to say about him drooling over underwear pictures when he's meant to be working?

Lunde · 22/01/2020 18:19

Eeuw that's gross ... and creepy

Streamside · 22/01/2020 18:20

Imagine how we'd answer this if the op was a teenager.Same rules apply and it's your workplace for goodness sake.

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