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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH asked me to take underwear pics at work

290 replies

AdalbertWaffling · 22/01/2020 17:31

So today I get a text from DH asking for me to go and take some pics of me in my underwear in the loos at work and send them to him. I replied "No... X". Firstly I was super busy so didn't have time, secondly I can't think of anything less sexy than taking my top off in a toilet cubicle and trying to take a selfie, and thirdly I'M AT WORK so really didn't feel like it was appropriate.

I have now asked him something else and just got back "No... X", so he's obviously pissed off at my response, or lack of. Tbh knowing him he probably would have been fine with me saying no by laughing it off, or in a way that didn't make him feel bad for asking. I'm really not sure if IABU here! I don't think I was in that I was at work, but also we're in a loving relationship and maybe I should have been a bit kinder in my response? Or maybe I should have just nipped off for 2 mins, taken a selfie and not been such a prude???

OP posts:
eminencegrise · 22/01/2020 20:10

Why on earth wouldn't you let your own husband see you in a bra? Just crop your face and the background out if you are worried about the incredibly unlikely possibility of being sacked because your husband sent a picture of you in your bra to your boss. Although I really don't see how that would breach anyone's employment contract.

Because she didn't fucking want to, was busy and at work. Hmm

JFC!

I now see why there are such people as the person who needed her husband to kip next to her in her hospital bed and the one who shagged her man in the hospital room because they'd forgot to buy each other Valentine's cards.

TheBlueStocking · 22/01/2020 20:15

I don't know about your workplace, but I'm allowed to go to the bathroom at work.

TheBlueStocking · 22/01/2020 20:17

All I'm saying is, on your own head be it if you want to be prudish. Don't complain if he decides ten or so years down the line that he wants to find sex elsewhere since you can't be bothered with him anymore.

And if you think your husband would show a picture of you in your bra to other people, you've got more immediate problems to address.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/01/2020 20:18

and if your husband is going to cheat on you because you don't send a picture, then you also have bigger issues.

Goldenwrapper · 22/01/2020 20:20

Have you considered that those of use who send and receive sexual messages and nude photos are doing it because we enjoy it and not because we are pandering to our male partners

Ellie56 · 22/01/2020 20:21
Hmm
cavabiensepasser · 22/01/2020 20:23

Trust me love, if a man wants to cheat on you then no amount of nudes will stop him Grin

you can also buy all the tacky 'sexy' tinkly laugh Ann Summers lingerie and silly looking sex toys, and let him do all the stuff he's seen in pathetic porn clips, but if he wants to leave, he'll leave. Grin

mbosnz · 22/01/2020 20:23

If my husband was asking me for a picture of me in my bra, I'd think he'd clearly suffered a blow to his head and fear for his judgment, which was clearly impaired.

It's not 'prudish' not to send underwear or naked shots, it's plain common sense - just what we tell our daughters not to do. Once sent, those images are out of your control.

You can actually be a swinging from the chandeliers sort of person, and not be okay with providing a naked/underwear shot (from your work, oh so sexy - I mean - why the fuck did he want that? For a quick wank at his work, or yes, to show off his wife who is fitter than his mate's wife?). That's not actually sex you're providing.

Some of us value ourselves, and provide more value in our relationship than being a mere sex object.

mbosnz · 22/01/2020 20:25

Have you considered that those of use who send and receive sexual messages and nude photos are doing it because we enjoy it and not because we are pandering to our male partners

And that's absolutely your choice, and I apologise if my words make you feel judged. That is your right, your choice, and all power to your elbow. But it's okay for those who are not okay with it, to politely decline to do so.

TheBlueStocking · 22/01/2020 20:30

And some of us don't consider that being a female sexual creature lowers our value.

mbosnz · 22/01/2020 20:34

I don't think being a female sexual being lowers my value. I think that performing like a seal, potentially out of fear that 'ten years or so down the line he'll find sex elsewhere' would definitely lower my value. In my eyes. Which is the most important, to me.

To thine own self be true and all that. . .

You can be bothered with him and not be prepared to cater to his every whim and demand at every moment.

Hepsibar · 22/01/2020 20:38

Revolting. He's obviously the adult version of the horrid boys who upskirt. Serious concerns even if he thinks this is a joke.

outtathelefteyei · 22/01/2020 20:39

@TheBlueStocking is anything but

"..Just crop your face"

christ, where do you begin....

You're a bloke right?

Original poster
AdalbertWaffling · 22/01/2020 20:39

Update: We've spoken, he actually initiated it. He apologised for asking me, and also apologised for being off with me later. It was (as I thought) because of the abrupt message back that made him feel a bit embarrassed about it. I've explained that although messages like that are more okay when I'm at home (I don't have any issue with taking a selfie in the bath for him on occasion for example), but at work I don't feel comfortable doing it. Which he understands and accepts. Thanks everyone for your responses

OP posts:
TheBlueStocking · 22/01/2020 20:42

You're a bloke right?

No. I am a woman who likes sex. A rarity on this thread it seems.

kateandme · 22/01/2020 20:42

well i couldnt.i have minus the amount of confidence to ever think someone would find this sexy.who would want to see that!

mbosnz · 22/01/2020 20:43

Good on him! And you.

A happy ending, all round. Hopefully.

mbosnz · 22/01/2020 20:44

No. I am a woman who likes sex. A rarity on this thread it seems.

Um, you seem to be confusing sending selfies with sex. Odd. If you like it that much. As I've said before, you can be well into sex, and not into sending selfies.

kateandme · 22/01/2020 20:45

lovely update op.and a stark reminde of how out of context typed message are and can then be taken.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/01/2020 20:46

I don't understand how not taking pictures means that you don't want/enjoy sex or see yourself as a sexual female 'creature'.

It's fine if people want to but they don't have to and that doesn't mean that people don't enjoy sex or have lots of it.

cavabiensepasser · 22/01/2020 20:49

I am a woman who likes sex. A rarity on this thread it seems.

Or maybe the rest of us have more sophisticated mating rituals that don't involve sending Barry a naked selfie from the bog? Grin

chocolateandpinkgin · 22/01/2020 20:51

Glad it got sorted OP!

I'm with @Goldenwrapper - I don't think sending nude/sexy photos to your partner/husband is sleazy at all? As long as you're both happy with it at all. Me and my husband have done it a fair few times, when he's been working away and stuff. Just keeps a bit of the spark going. I'd never do it if I didn't want to though and I can't say I've ever done it at work.

Thestrangestthing · 22/01/2020 20:53

@LotteLupin

Good god your post made me feel really sad for you.

messolini9 · 22/01/2020 20:54

I'm going to put the cat amongst the pigeons here and say that those who are not interested in keeping their husbands sexually interested in them are very likely going to be the same ones on here saying they've found out he's been having an affair.

Your cat, your pigeons, you put 'em wherever you like @TheBlueStocking.

Meanwhile, I'll carry on with only shagging decent men who don't feel entitled to sex, sulk if they don't instantly get it, or make me the party responsible for keeping his sexual interest away from other people.

Durgasarrow · 22/01/2020 20:55

No is a complete sentence.

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