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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH asked me to take underwear pics at work

290 replies

AdalbertWaffling · 22/01/2020 17:31

So today I get a text from DH asking for me to go and take some pics of me in my underwear in the loos at work and send them to him. I replied "No... X". Firstly I was super busy so didn't have time, secondly I can't think of anything less sexy than taking my top off in a toilet cubicle and trying to take a selfie, and thirdly I'M AT WORK so really didn't feel like it was appropriate.

I have now asked him something else and just got back "No... X", so he's obviously pissed off at my response, or lack of. Tbh knowing him he probably would have been fine with me saying no by laughing it off, or in a way that didn't make him feel bad for asking. I'm really not sure if IABU here! I don't think I was in that I was at work, but also we're in a loving relationship and maybe I should have been a bit kinder in my response? Or maybe I should have just nipped off for 2 mins, taken a selfie and not been such a prude???

OP posts:
TheBlueStocking · 22/01/2020 20:57

My partner wouldn't need to sulk because I would have sex with him.

It's not a chore.

messolini9 · 22/01/2020 20:57

Which is literally what I said in the part of the message you rather conveniently didn't quote

Oh @DesLynamsMoustache it wasn't for 'convenience' & I wasn't quoting you to snark - must have stupidly missed your other sentence.
Apologies for going off half-cocked (ha!), especially as we seem to be sharing the songsheet on this one.

messolini9 · 22/01/2020 20:58

Some of us manage to keep our husbands sexually interested without doing things we're uncomfortable with. Frankly I'm not interested in keeping a man who expects every last sexual whim to be pandered to; then again, I have standards. A high quality intellectual collosus who understands consent, does not behave like a 16 year old and knows how to give Good sex is far more suitable as a life partner for me.

Nice one @cavabiensepasser

thekaiserswife · 22/01/2020 21:00

Presumably you've sent him pictures before (just not at work when you're busy)? I don't think it's creepy, he's your husband, if it gives you both a thrill then that's great. If it doesn't though, then you have the right to say no and not to be on the receiving end of any sulking.

I'm a bit confused by posters on here taking such offence to this.

Langsdestiny · 22/01/2020 21:00

God the sex you are having sounds utterly dire bluestocking. Imagine having sex in order to stop your partner having an affair. How joyless must that be.

user3575796673 · 22/01/2020 21:00

People who don't understand consent are depressing.

DesLynamsMoustache · 22/01/2020 21:01

Apologies for going off half-cocked (ha!),

Grin Grin Grin

Geoffreythecat · 22/01/2020 21:01

Some of us had great sex lives since before the mobile phone was even invented. And some of us find the ideas of being asked to send explicit photos from a work toilet really seedy. And guess what, our husbands haven't left us TheBlueStocking

messolini9 · 22/01/2020 21:02

Have you considered that those of use who send and receive sexual messages and nude photos are doing it because we enjoy it and not because we are pandering to our male partners

Yes.

Have you, @Goldenwrapper, considered that this thread isn't about you & your partner, but about the OP wishing to have her "no" respected without her DH being a passive-aggressive cunt about it?

messolini9 · 22/01/2020 21:04

He apologised for asking me, and also apologised for being off with me later.

Excelllent result OP, & I'm so glad that HE initiated the call & apology :)

Lilymossflower · 22/01/2020 21:06

Hahahahaha he shouldn't be pissed off ! He isn't entitled to your body whenever he feels like it, you are your own person who may share your body at your will and not purely for the sake of his fantasy ! What a dickhead

eminencegrise · 22/01/2020 21:16

I am a woman who likes sex. A rarity on this thread it seems.

Hmm. Yep. Don't want to send pics from work, must not like sex.

busybarbara · 22/01/2020 21:20

respected without her DH being a passive-aggressive cunt about it?

Maybe he thought she was being passive aggressive first by refusing? It would have taken a few minutes and put a simile on DH’s face, but instead she has chosen to waste hours moaning to MN about it Hmm

Weetabollocks · 22/01/2020 21:21

Oh look, communication solved it. Who'da thunk it 😁

eminencegrise · 22/01/2020 21:22

All I'm saying is, on your own head be it if you want to be prudish.

Looking back on my past and my present, that's actually hilarious. You're a prude if you don't want to send underwear or naked selfies, from anywhere. Haahaa.

TheBlueStocking · 22/01/2020 21:22

I'm having great sex, thanks for asking.

You can take my advice or don't. But remember this when you find out he is having an affair because you thought that him seeing you in your bra was an outrageous affront on your dignity.

mbosnz · 22/01/2020 21:26

I'm a little bit interested. How often are men peremptorily required by their wives to send them a photo of them in their boxers from their place of work? Do they feel, that if they then decline, their wives should not then be blamed if they have an affair?

I guess some of us have a little bit more 'depth' in our relationships, that can get past a requirement of selfies (not sex, mind, selfies) as and when demanded. Like the OP. Thank Goodness.

user3575796673 · 22/01/2020 21:27

Maybe he thought she was being passive aggressive first by refusing?

Have you not fucking heard of consent?

mbosnz · 22/01/2020 21:29

Have you not fucking heard of consent?

But if you don't consent, he might have an affaaaaaaaaaaaair!!!!! And then would you be? Heed her words. . .

Vanhi · 22/01/2020 21:30

I'm going to put the cat amongst the pigeons here and say that those who are not interested in keeping their husbands sexually interested in them are very likely going to be the same ones on here saying they've found out he's been having an affair.

I have in the past happily taken naked photos of myself to send to my then DP, who funnily enough did leave me for another woman. Those things really aren't connected though. We had a great sex life but didn't really get on in other ways.

I am now with a man who loves and respects me. We keep each other interested in many ways and neither of us pressurises the other one. Taking photos or not taking them does not equate to 'keeping your husband sexually interested'. it's just weird to see it as serving some need or you're out.

BigChocFrenzy · 22/01/2020 21:39

Did you marry a 12-year-old ?

Langsdestiny · 22/01/2020 21:42

If I found out he was having an affair because I wouldn't show him my bra I would feel really really sorry for other woman.

busybarbara · 22/01/2020 21:56

How often are men peremptorily required by their wives to send them a photo of them in their boxers from their place of work?

This is a rare occasion where switching the sexes in a question doesn’t work. Men are more sexual in a way we are not.

outtathelefteyei · 22/01/2020 21:56

".... remember this when you find out he is having an affair because you thought that him seeing you in your bra was an outrageous affront on your dignity."

definitely a bloke

cavabiensepasser · 22/01/2020 22:01

Men are more sexual in a way we are not.

Maybe the pornsick ones. But then, why would anyone date or marry a loser?

Why pander to losers? Grin

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