DH asked me to take underwear pics at work

[AdalbertWaffling]

So today I get a text from DH asking for me to go and take some pics of me in my underwear in the loos at work and send them to him. I replied "No... X". Firstly I was super busy so didn't have time, secondly I can't think of anything less sexy than taking my top off in a toilet cubicle and trying to take a selfie, and thirdly I'M AT WORK so really didn't feel like it was appropriate.

I have now asked him something else and just got back "No... X", so he's obviously pissed off at my response, or lack of. Tbh knowing him he probably would have been fine with me saying no by laughing it off, or in a way that didn't make him feel bad for asking. I'm really not sure if IABU here! I don't think I was in that I was at work, but also we're in a loving relationship and maybe I should have been a bit kinder in my response? Or maybe I should have just nipped off for 2 mins, taken a selfie and not been such a prude???

Yet she’s received a deluge of responses telling her that her dh is a controlling misogynistic arse and she should ltb. Really?

Not since she sent her update informing us that DH saw the light, texted her again & apologised that he'd been a silly arse, no.

Her initial post was slightly concerning though, given that she'd not wanted to send a pic but then came here specifically to start a thread asking whether she should have complied despite her wish not to ...

@Marshmello ... comprehensive reading is an acquired skill, I know. Try reading my posts again, slowly and carefully, and perhaps you'll get my point.

If not, then I'm afraid there's just no point explaining it to you.

@Willow2017 I agree with everything you've just posted above.
And in the interests of clarity -

If my dh was only interested in photos of my books in a toilet

If my DH was so into my literary tastes he needed a (ahem) 'quick refresher' at work, he'd have every chance of getting consent :)

It was fine for her to say no, but also fine for him to feel annoyed

No it wasn't. He has asked before and she said no. None of those times was it ok.for him to be annoyed that op didn't want to do something that made her uncomfortable.

No woman has to do something she doesn't want to to please a man if he doesn't understand that then he isnt good enough for anyone. It's 2020 not the dark ages.

How the fuck is saying no to something patronising? That's just ridiculous.

Oh please stop with the shit about every woman who wouldn't send half naked photos = hating sex, hating sex with thier partners, being prudes etc. It sounds like teenage boasting. "Ooh I am always up for it me, rampant I am. Never get tired, never ill, never have horrendous periods. Nope every time my partner strips off we are at it like rabbits."
Grow up. You don't need to prove you love your partner and like sex with him by sending photos. You prove it daily by being there for each other and showing consideration not demanding things then going in a huff cos you don't get them.
Well that what adults do at least.

So do you also think eg oral sex is demeaning as well?

@LotteLupin, when are you going to get it?
We are not discussing the act, we're discussing consent.

both sexes as well. I've been having sex since 1986

It was respectable in the eighties.

Lotte
Ops dp has already asked twice before and she said No so why was he asking again?

Why would it be weird to do something your partner liked?

If a woman doesn't want to do something that makes her uncomfortable then she has every right to refuse to do it. Which part of that is so difficult for you to understand. Just because they're married doesn't mean he owns her body and soul! Nobody should be pressured into doing anything they don't want to do it's really quite simple.

I must have discovered that magic pill too, because when mine gets aroused so do I. Oh - there it is again - wanting to have sex with your sexual partner ...... not weird ...... normal ......
How nice for you @Marshmello.
And how odd that you infer that OP doesn't want to have sex with her partner, just because she didn't feel like sending a pic when she was working.
Why do you think it's all or nothing like that?

It was fine for her to say no, but also fine for him to feel annoyed
50% correct.
Where are you getting the bit about it's ok to be annoyed to not be granted sexual acts on demand though?

What will you do in the "weird" event that you don't feel like sex & your partner is "annoyed" about it?
I know in your magical pill world that doesn't happen, but have a look around a few threads here, especially by women who have young children. Will your partner's "annoyance" trump your post-birth stitches, or your sore, touched-out-by-kids body, or your PND, or your morning sickness, or any damn non-child-related thing that human flesh is heir to? Good luck with that.

In the meantime, I suggest you educate yourself, & FFS your partner -

Messolini9
Thanks and 😂😂
(I did correct it after😉)

Well, @LotteLupin, @Goldenwrapper and @TheBlueStocking can all get together in a toilet cubicle and discuss methods of balancing their clothes on top of the manky sanitary bin while they take come hither selfies in their pants. Or they could get a life.

Tell him to take as many photos of himself as he like if he wants to look at pictures of cunts.

I really dont get all the fuss!

How on earth is a few upskirts in a locked loo unprofessional?! She's not being asked to get her minge out on the photocopier!

The OP is at perfect liberty to say no, as she did. But equally she could have said yes and NO ONE WOULD HAVE KNOWN! I have done this, dont see the problem quite honestly. Ex and I would often wind each other up during a boring day like this, makes for a bit of fun and makes a dull day less dull.

Or maybe the rest of us have more sophisticated mating rituals that don't involve sending Barry a naked selfie from the bog

Anyone else remember that time a load of celeb women's clouds/phones got hacked, and their photos were leaked, inc previous nude selfies?

And the whole internet argued over whether it served them right for being so indecent in the first place? (Not my opinion, btw)

At the time, I never would have thought I'd ever come across anyone criticising women for not doing partially clothed/nude selfies, but you live and learn.

Gross. I just wouldn’t do that for my DH regardless of where I was. It could come back to haunt you one day, after all.

I never would have thought I'd ever come across anyone criticising women for not doing partially clothed/nude selfies, but you live and learn

Plenty of criticism about the women who would do it though....”raising the bar” “grim” “sleazy” yada yada when a simple “ not for me” would suffice.

Yes people are going to say its sleazy to take photos at work. People have boundaries who knew.

@PyongyangKipperbang, the key word in your paean in favour of up-skirting selfies is ‘ex’. If your ex were less amiably disposed towards you, or felt he’d been ill-used, would you be delighted that he had a variety of sexual shots of your body to display as he saw fit?

Yes people are going to say its sleazy to take photos at work. People have boundaries who knew

Sure. Everyone has boundaries but you own them.... you don’t get to impose them on anyone else. Who knew?

And the whole internet argued over whether it served them right for being so indecent in the first place? (Not my opinion, btw)

No one said people would deserve that, of course no one deserves that. The fact is it is a risk you take if you are willing to send pictures of yourself half naked/naked to anyone, regardless of who they are to you.

Sure. Everyone has boundaries but you own them.... you don’t get to impose them on anyone else. Who knew?

In the workplace other people do get to impose their boundaries on you.

I find out a member of my team has been taking pictures of themselves in their knickers in the bogs that team member is sacked for gross misconduct.

In fact if I caught a member of my team fannying around taking selfies at all I'd be having a word.

In a workplace you do. Otherwise we would all be saying to our boss am just off to take some sexy photos. Nobody does because there are boundaries at work.

Aw stop being so harsh. Ok not everyone's cuppa but it's quite sweet he wants to walk over his wife rather than porn when he's alone... I guess..?

*wank

Sounds like he's just trying to spice things up a bit, and why not?