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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH asked me to take underwear pics at work

290 replies

AdalbertWaffling · 22/01/2020 17:31

So today I get a text from DH asking for me to go and take some pics of me in my underwear in the loos at work and send them to him. I replied "No... X". Firstly I was super busy so didn't have time, secondly I can't think of anything less sexy than taking my top off in a toilet cubicle and trying to take a selfie, and thirdly I'M AT WORK so really didn't feel like it was appropriate.

I have now asked him something else and just got back "No... X", so he's obviously pissed off at my response, or lack of. Tbh knowing him he probably would have been fine with me saying no by laughing it off, or in a way that didn't make him feel bad for asking. I'm really not sure if IABU here! I don't think I was in that I was at work, but also we're in a loving relationship and maybe I should have been a bit kinder in my response? Or maybe I should have just nipped off for 2 mins, taken a selfie and not been such a prude???

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 22/01/2020 19:34

Have l ever sent pics to people? - Yes.

Am l embarassed about that? - No.

Would I do it again? -Yes.

Would I take a pic in a loo? - No, I hate them.

Would I be upset if someone asked me? - No

Would I be angry if someone sulked as a result of me saying no? - Too bloody right.

NameNumber5 · 22/01/2020 19:37

Saying no was fine.

Saying yes would have been fine too.

DH needs to respect your response either way.

Some of these replies about perversion are way OTT!

messolini9 · 22/01/2020 19:38

I dont seen the issue and regularly send nude pictures to my partner...I dont think it makes you sleazy or immature

FFS @Goldenwrapper did you not read the OP's initial post?
The issue is not about being asked for a selfie.
The issue is about being punished for not providing one.
That speaks of some pretty nasty entitlement ... & THAT - not the concept of a sexy pic between partners - IS sleazy & immature.

letmebefrank · 22/01/2020 19:39

No is a perfectly acceptable response.

His reaction to your no isn't.

clearingaspaceforthecat · 22/01/2020 19:39

The fact that he has asked you twice before and you said no both times and yet still pesters you, and then sulks, is a concern.
Grim - and would be a deal breaker for me.
He doesn't respect your boundaries.
He doesn't respect you.

Wallywobbles · 22/01/2020 19:41

No compromising photos to anyone ever. DH included.

Weetabollocks · 22/01/2020 19:44

JFC the responses on this thread are funny Grin

I'd encourage you to chill. You have no real idea why he sent the same words back to you. Text message tone can be deceptive at the best of times. He could be moody- but I read it as fun, playful, flirty - as could your message have been perceived to him. You're obviously perfectly entitled to say no, but I don't see the point in making this a big deal until and unless you find out what tone he actually meant.

safariboot · 22/01/2020 19:45

YANBU.

My first thought is he wasn't asking for the photos for him - he's asking for photos to show to all his mates at work.

messolini9 · 22/01/2020 19:46

Now all the feminists come out to play

You say that almost as if you're not a feminist yourself @combatbarbie ...

If not, why not?

Are you also ok with homophobes, disablists & racists, or is it specifically just people with XX chromosomes who need putting back in the box you have designed for them?

MollySpangle · 22/01/2020 19:46

Am I the only one that thinks this request is totally fine? I've had requests like this from my DP and have been delighted to make him happy, I really don't see what the issue is here. Just take your top off, hold it between your legs if there's no hook on the back of the door, and do it! You don't even have to include your face if you really don't want to, I really can't see what the problem is.

Bananabixfloof · 22/01/2020 19:48

This reply has been deleted

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cavabiensepasser · 22/01/2020 19:49

Or how about NO, Molly, since the OP did not want to do it?

Alconleigh · 22/01/2020 19:49

The problem is she didn't want to. So the helpful grot top tips re how to keep your clothes of the loo floor aren't really necessary.

messolini9 · 22/01/2020 19:51

But there's nothing wrong with two adults in a relationship exchanging photos of each other.

Of course there isn't.
Plenty wrong with sulking & manipulating your wife when she doesn't feel like doing it though.

TheSquitz · 22/01/2020 19:56
Confused
Goldenwrapper · 22/01/2020 19:57

I did read OP. My response was to all the messages claiming it was sleazy, immature, perverted etc.

messolini9 · 22/01/2020 19:59

Am I the only one that thinks this request is totally fine?

RTFT @MollySpangle & you will see that the majority agree there nothing wrong with the request.

What PP are rightly objecting to is the DH's sulking, entitlement & manipulation.

LolaLollypop · 22/01/2020 19:59

I bet she gets home and he's forgotten all about it, men have a habit of doing that. He'd probably have a right laugh at all these outraged messages!

He's hardly some sleazy bloke from IT asking her. It's her husband ffs. He didn't ask for nudes anyway he said underwear (as far as I can read?!). Like many others have said, it's a cheeky ask but well within your rights to say no. Some women would have done it, others wouldn't.

I wouldn't waste too much time dwelling on it tho!

DesLynamsMoustache · 22/01/2020 19:59

Of course there isn't.
Plenty wrong with sulking & manipulating your wife when she doesn't feel like doing it though.
Which is literally what I said in the part of the message you rather conveniently didn't quote Hmm

mbosnz · 22/01/2020 20:01

Am I the only one that thinks this request is totally fine?

It's not the request that's the issue, it's the response to the denial of the request. A denial that is perfectly legitimate.

TheBlueStocking · 22/01/2020 20:04

I'm going to put the cat amongst the pigeons here and say that those who are not interested in keeping their husbands sexually interested in them are very likely going to be the same ones on here saying they've found out he's been having an affair.

Why on earth wouldn't you let your own husband see you in a bra? Just crop your face and the background out if you are worried about the incredibly unlikely possibility of being sacked because your husband sent a picture of you in your bra to your boss. Although I really don't see how that would breach anyone's employment contract.

cavabiensepasser · 22/01/2020 20:07

Some of us manage to keep our husbands sexually interested without doing things we're uncomfortable with. Frankly I'm not interested in keeping a man who expects every last sexual whim to be pandered to; then again, I have standards. A high quality intellectual collosus who understands consent, does not behave like a 16 year old and knows how to give Good sex is far more suitable as a life partner for me.

mbosnz · 22/01/2020 20:08

I'll happily let my husband see me in a bra. But I'm not a performing seal, and I don't do naked pictures! If I had a husband who was quite happy 'requesting' such pictures, how would I know who he was showing them to? With my head in shot or not, that's an invasion of privacy I'd not be prepared to risk. Because if he's showing them to his mates, in a nice round of 'my mare's better than yours', then those being shown the pictures know bloody well who I am. Or sharing them with. . .

mbosnz · 22/01/2020 20:08

Or underwear pictures.

almostfreeatlast · 22/01/2020 20:09

Is he 15? Jesus Christ.

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