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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate DD’s friend

255 replies

MamTimesTwo · 22/01/2020 17:18

DD and her friend are in year 10. We don’t have much, I’m working 2 jobs, we live in a 3 bed semi in a very cheap area and always struggle to make ends meet, we have a teenage DS as well. DD’s friend was born into the top 5%, lives in a very expensive area etc. We couldn’t send the DC to sports clubs when they were little, friend could do what she wanted. We couldn’t get our kids what they wanted even for Christmas and birthday, friend always had mountains of presents and whatever she wanted all year, you get the picture.

DD’s friend has done a few things to annoy me recently:

  • got DD better Christmas presents than we could
  • told DD £85 was hardly anything
  • when she was told that £85 covers 2 weeks worth of food, said “we spend over £100 per week, I guess you don’t shop at Waitrose though”
  • seemed shocked that we don’t have a dishwasher and asked DD how we get our dishes clean
  • said her parents were getting her a private tutor when we can’t afford one and can’t help DD ourselves

AIBU to think that at 15 she should be able to understand what money is actually worth and that she shouldn’t take what she has for granted? I know it’s not really my business how much her parents have, but I hate the injustice that she keeps pointing out, and that she will be able to go to uni if she wants to, but my kids won’t.

OP posts:
Fizzycherryberry12 · 22/01/2020 17:21

To be fair she will learn when she gets older. All teenagers are nieve. She is young and inexperienced of grafting. Sounds spoilt too lol!

She would annoy me too making my child feel rubbish but I honestly think it's her age and she's in for a few shocks in life x

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/01/2020 17:21

Some people are so poor that all they have is money.

user3575796673 · 22/01/2020 17:21

You're jealous and taking it out on a child.

SquareAsABlock · 22/01/2020 17:21

and that she will be able to go to uni if she wants to, but my kids won’t.

Why won't your children be able to go to uni? Also, tell her talking about money is rude. Surely after many years of knowing this girl you're able to tell her to not be impolite?

MuchBetterNow · 22/01/2020 17:22

She’s just a young person with a narrow frame of reference, there’s no justification for hate. You sound really bitter.

Bezalelle · 22/01/2020 17:23

Who the hell is voting YABU? This girl sounds like an absolute horror.

gaffamate · 22/01/2020 17:24

She clearly knows the price of everything but the value of nothing Confused and she needs to learn some basic manners by the sounds of it.

There is no reason why your DD can't go to uni though

lastqueenofscotland · 22/01/2020 17:25

She sounds a bit naive but not horrible!

Why can’t your children go to university?

Wellmet · 22/01/2020 17:26

Of course your kids can go to university.

Weebitawks · 22/01/2020 17:27

I think if you grow up without any struggles it can be pretty hard to comprehend.

ScottishJo31 · 22/01/2020 17:28

I think she is in her own bubble at the moment... she doesn't know poverty because she has never experienced it.. 15 year olds are very often wrapped up in themselves and she lacks the foresight, maturity and experience to put herself in your daughters place. But to say you hate her is very extreme and you do seem a bit envious of her and her situation.

OneUsernameOnly · 22/01/2020 17:28

Some people are so poor that all they have is money.

Love that phrase!

Bluebutterfly90 · 22/01/2020 17:28

Teenagers are self absorbed and this girl sounds no different. It's not unreasonable to dislike her but I'd just try and let it roll off of your back.
I'd just remind your DD that her friend is very fortunate and doesn't realise it.
And your DD can still go to university!

QueenofLouisiana · 22/01/2020 17:28

The first and last are not her fault: perhaps be pleased that she got your DD a lovely present- it’s good that she had that. The last is about her parents: they are choosing to get a tutor, that is nothing to do with you and possibly not her either.

The others are more egocentric and less pleasant. She will learn the value of money at some point, but may well not have that at all at 15. Teens are, by their very nature, often egocentric. She will grow up, try not to hate her while she gets there.

OpheliaBalthasar · 22/01/2020 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frenchw1fe · 22/01/2020 17:29

Firstly there's no reason your children can't go to uni. My niece gets full grant and works, her parents help with food occasionally but no monetary contributions.

The 15 year old friend sounds a little entitled but if she has been brought up living in great comfort she may genuinely be naive, although most teens have a variety of school friends from different financial backgrounds.

Personally if she says such things when you're around I would explain that most families have to budget and some more carefully than others.
Explain to your dc that they absolutely can and should aim to go to university.

Poorolddaddypig · 22/01/2020 17:30

I think YABU for feeling jealous of a child who doesn’t sound like she’s done much wrong

RaveOnThisCrazyFeeling · 22/01/2020 17:30

You're jealous and taking it out on a child.

^ exactly what user said. Not one of your examples of her behaviour is actually mean-spirited. She's a kid. You sound horrible.

lowlandLucky · 22/01/2020 17:30

TheLightSideOfTheMoon* Loved your post

GruciusMalfoy · 22/01/2020 17:31

She sounds like a teenage girl who just doesn't have an idea about the realities of life for many people. If I were her parents I would feel I had to show her how lucky she is. Hopefully she'll grow up and look back and cringe at her naivety, rather than become an adult with the same blinkered views.

ScreamingLadySutch · 22/01/2020 17:33

She is a child.

A thoughtless one, but a child nonetheless.

You should not be comparing yourself and resenting her.

AND, your own DD is being strategic so support her friendship. Life is about networking.

Janaih · 22/01/2020 17:34

I'm poor as shit and and my DC is at uni. Don't worry about that.

The girl sounds naive rather than deliberately rude. Remember she is just a child.

Daftodil · 22/01/2020 17:35

Hate is a bit extreme isn't it? Agree with pps that you seem a bit jealous of the opportunities this girl's parents have afforded her. Why shouldn't she have a private tutor or a dishwasher? If her family is in the top 5%, it would be disingenuous of her to act like she knew what being poor felt like.

I don't understand why you think your DCs can't go to uni. If they are capable of getting the grades, can't they get student loans like everyone else? And even if they don't go to uni, that doesn't mean they won't do well for themselves.

Chocolateandchats · 22/01/2020 17:36

Teenagers have no appreciation and they generally repeat what they hear so I think you are being unreasonable expecting a 15 year old to think like an adult, she’s a spoilt brat clearly but that’s her parent’s fault and I wouldn’t blame her for it. You need to focus on teaching your daughter how to respond/react.

ImNotACuntYoureACunt · 22/01/2020 17:36

You’re jealous of a kid. She hasn’t said or done anything particularly awful from what you’ve said here, other than been a bit tactless.