We get it - you're into anal (certainly giving it).
No, he was into receiving it. I was, and still am, indifferent to giving it and very averse to receiving it. Way to put words into my mouth.
I didn't regard my indifference to giving prostate massage as a barrier to giving him his pleasure because I enjoyed watching his pleasure. Is that so different from "foreplay that goes nowhere" (or whatever your exact phrase was) on the part of the OP's husband? Sometimes one-sided pleasure is OK, as long as sex isn't always one-sided.
when reading between the lines it appears that this man has some psychological issues around sex anyway.
I wasn't detecting that from the thread opener and in any case I'm not in the habit of armchair diagnosing psychosexual issues. I limited myself to practical tips.
Regardless, would people be telling a woman to accept a finger up the arse for everyone's convenience?
Women don't have prostates, so not comparable. The equivalent would be suggesting that a man try clitoral massage on a female partner with vaginismus in order to bring her to orgasm without penetration.
No one should be pressured into doing anything that they are not 100% comfortable with.
I absolutely agree with that statement. However, I don't think the word "pressure" applies to giving suggestions on a forum. Someone comes onto a forum, asks for advice, and people give it. I say again: "The OP is at liberty to heed or ignore suggestions written here. I'm not going to prefilter my suggestions on the basis that HearHooves might naysay them, because that would be paternalistic towards the OP."
The OP can ignore everything I've written if she thinks it won't help. No harm is done by me suggesting what has worked for me in the past because I cannot pressure her into doing what I suggest.