To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

[Amyarmadillo1990]

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

I'd have been seriously pissed off if someone had come to visit me in hospital and had a nap.

I cant believe anyone thinks it's in anyway appropriate to have someone go and join you in a hospital bed.

I got very emotional during a hospital stay there was no sign of me being discharged and I was feeling really sorry for myself. My partner was visiting and yes a cuddle would have been lovely but I settled for a big hug and a bubble then he sat & held my hand for a while. Sometimes you just have to adapt to your surroundings - and behave appropriately

Well my Dd had a recent 11 day stay in hospital during pregnancy complications/post birth. She got moved into a private room and her partner was given permission to stay.... He slept on the floor 🤔 He wasn't sick, ill, unwell, nor a patient. He was a 'visitor' (yes long stay, but still a visitor). He wasn't planning on moving in or receiving treatment. If your DP is presumably a generally well, fit and healthy adult? Then yes tell him to get off the fucking bed 🙄

Why? You honestly don't see why?

Because YOU are the patient and HE is a visitor. The bed is for you. He visits, he does not partake in the facilities provided for the patient. He does not have a nap on the bed which is for the patient.
Normal hospital and societal rules apply.

my mum who was a nurse in the 60s is full of stories about men coming into new mums for their conjugal rights.

Also happening in the 2000s when I had my DC. Room of 4 beds., The MW joked “at least they closed the curtains”. Apparently it happens often. Still very awkward for the other new mothers and their families in the room.

Usually if people are very sick it’s best if medical and nursing staff have easy access to the patient at all times. We make an exception for children (assuming they aren’t intubated) as they are easier to care for if they are settled and that is more likely if a parent is close by.

If your nurse felt it may compromise patient care she had no choice but to raise it. If other nurses were comfortable they could care for you safely then that’s great.

It is quite unusual for an adult to have another adult in bed with them in hospital, unless palliated.

Yes infection control. Even though you weren't stark naked shagging doggy style. It can make people feel uncomfortable. Patients are in hospital because they're sick not to see you two cuddled up.

The OP won't be coming back. She wanted everyone to tell her how mean the nasty young nurse was and how it's FINE for her DH to get on to the single bed with her and cuddle and nap with her, almost as if he wasn't a completely healthy grown man in his outdoor clothes.

And because she has an almost universal YABU, she's buggered off.

You sound ridiculous OP and needy as fuck.

So what if you needed a cuddle, take a teddy bear with you next time

It's a strange thing to do. Agree with everyone else.

The young nurse had possibly had more recent and specific training on such matters.

A poster on another recent thread admitted (bragged) about her and her DH shagging on hospital chair next to their son's bed who'd been admitted (it was an individual room not a ward so that seemed okay to that particular OP.)

Yep. I saw that and mentioned it up the thread. They had forgotten to get each other Valentine's cards so decided they need to 'cuddle' instead and of course, it just lead to full on sex.

Just disgusting. It's a shame they didn't get caught as surely this would be an alarm bell for social services? Imagine being turned on by looking at your poorly child in hospital. Makes me feel sick.

I love how posters are pilling on to call the OP needy, immature and childish for wanting a cuddle...all while ignoring the implausibility of the infection control argument.

Surely if your child is poorly in hospital a shag would be the last thing on your mind. Let alone when he's right there in the Hospital bed. In my book sexual activity in front of a child regardless of wether they're asleep or not is sexual abuse.

I was in with my adult DD recently. We spooned and slept on her bed waiting for discharge.

No objections from staff.

For everyone talking about infection control - I think most of us know how absolutely filthy mobile phones are, more bacteria than toilet seats etc etc. And yet, nursing staff in our hospitals are regularly using their personal mobile phones to use "apps" that they need for work. I've seen it, always thought they were just checking messages or booking holidays, but no, apparently it's how hospitals work now. They can't do their jobs without regularly using their own phones.
So for me, infection control issues around a visitor laying on a bed (which I don't agree with) pale into insignificance.

all while ignoring the implausibility of the infection control argument.

To a certain extent that's true.
I've seen plenty of people moved off a bed just for sitting on the side of it but the bedding is never than changed.
If that was truly an infection risk, surely the top cover, at least, which had come into contact with the clothed buttocks of a visitor would have to be changed immediately. Or should be - I understand the time constraints.

The trouble is that sitting on a bed is the thin end of the wedge and can become lying on it, increasing the risk of contamination from shoes, visitors' skin cells etc and from any respiratory illness. So it's easier to stop visitors even just sitting on a bed.

Since reading this thread I can't get this song out of my head........
"If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

Yup- have nursed for decades & can confirm that plenty of people think this is perfectly acceptable. I’ve also discovered far too many couples shagging and on one particularly memorable occasion a couple having oral sex during the ward round You couldn’t make it up!

I’d be interested in the figures wrt how many men get into bed with patient partner V how many women get into bed with patient partner.

I’ve visited load of people in hospitals and it’s always the men visitors with their feet up on the beds, complaining about how tired they are, taking the “comfy” chair. Basically making the visit about their comfort. I haven’t seen these same behaviours in women. At a guess I’d say the men on the beds is far more about them fancying a lie down and a snooze than about comforting their partner.

At a guess I’d say the men on the beds is far more about them fancying a lie down and a snooze than about comforting their partner.

Or about feeling entitled to take at least as much comfort and attention as a woman is offered.

I’d be interested in the figures wrt how many men get into bed with patient partner V how many women get into bed with patient partner
I wondered that as well. It would be quite interesting to see the difference.

I mentioned upthread that there was an article I read recently about the problems the staff were facing at Edinburgh Royal infirmary because of tosser men treating the place like a hotel, and they are basically powerless to stop them sleeping on the WOMENS ward overnight.
I'm due to give birth there in a couple of months, and some of the tales on here are making me upset. I want more than anything to have a home birth but I had a post partum hemorrhage last time so not eligible. I can't believe women are being made to feel uncomfortable by these men at one of the most vulnerable times in their lives. It's honestly sickening. My partner won't be staying overnight out of courtesy for others, I don't care if its 'allowed' or not.

It's fucking weird 😳
You are a grown adult & cant face laying by yourself in a hospital bed. Hospital beds are for patients only - not afternoon snuggles 😳
I would feel really uncomfortable walking past etc if I was another patient/ nurse.

Bloody ridiculous.

MN seems full of adult babies recently and this is a prime example. Boundaries. In public places. I suggest you research that OP.

LolaSmiles in my experience it has mostly been women on the bed of a male patient.

EverybodyLangClegTonight Id love to see the figures for that too!

virginpinkmartini good luck with the birth. My hospital allows partners. I didn't initially agree with it but with both my births every woman had their partner and I quickly realised I needed mine to stay. The reason for that was because without him I would have gone without food and water for God knows how long. And pain relief first time round (no one brought any after bith for me so dp went to buy some and brought it). When dd was born 4 months ago If I was sleepy I couldn't physically put her down, she was born "normally" with a little gas and air. But my placenta was stuck and so they gave me an epidural and had to manually rip it away. Also had a pph and the 5 transfusions. So I couldn't stand and after the epidural wore off my stomach was so painful to reach and get the cot etc etc. So it would have been dangerous without my partner to help.

He did all the nappies and care apart from feeding. Even helped me have a shower after. There just isn't enough staff. He did not sleep on my bed at all, in fact he was awake with the baby to let me sleep. The midwives seemed surprised which saddened me because I wouldn't have expected anything else off dp! I think the better your partner is the nicer the staff are too as they brough him a kind of blow up bed for the floor. Also having him ensured my curtains were closed immediately after others failed to close them.