To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

[Amyarmadillo1990]

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

I’ve been on various pediatric wards with Dd and at all of them there were parents in bed with their DCs. If infection control is such an issue then leaning over and hugging a patient would be equally frowned upon.

@Nanny0gg they can leave work in their uniform as it will be washed at home but they can't come into work having worn their uniform outside IYSWIM

OP, my mum was in hospital a lot with cancer and there were many times I as an adult, cuddled up to her. I remember the day I was called at work to be told she was terminal and I rushed to the hospital and lay on her bed and wailed. No one said a word.

My son has been in hospital a lot in his 10 year life and I always cuddled up to him. Only once I was told no which was when I was 8 months pregnant trying to sleep in a chair so that was fun.

I don't see an issue with this at all, I really don't, I don't understand the strength of response you had.

Nurses should not be shopping in uniform,you do see a lot of people in nurse type uniforms who are not nurses.
Nurses are not allowed to sit on bed sides and for many jobs wear and apron and gloves.
The weight limit on beds is also an issue,2adults could break the mechanism,not something you want to find out about in and emergency.
Lying in blood stained clothes for 2 days is odd,why didn't you ask for a gown or your husband bring you clean clothes.
Sometimes I wish we could go back to the old days when each ward had a day room and any patient that could walk went there to see visitors,patient in bed had max 2 visitors and sat on the plastic chair provided and put them away after use.Then we had room to look after sick patients instead of having to get visitors to move their chair so we can get past and not have them trying to peak through curtains when we're caring for other patients.
The OP has gone but all the above aside I'm not sure how much comfort it is to a really ill patients being crushed up on a single bed with someone who is fast asleep .

Infection / germs

I am often in hospital and my partner never gets in the bed... I think its abit weird to be honest

Because it's a hospital not a day out/hotel

It's different with children and at discretion if someone I'd literally dying.
Not appropriate on a bay with acute patient waiting for surgery in any way.

Nurses shopping in uniform could easily be on their way home, couldn't they? They're not going to take their purchase in with them on shift.

Ok, so having had 4 kids and 3 rounds of cancer and more surgery than I care to count, yes there have been times when I longed to be curled up and cuddled.
But not in a hospital bed, and definately not in an open ward.
When we had last dd, himself grabbed a snooze in a sleeping bag on the floor and we did have a private room. That didn't mean he couldn't hug me, hold my hand, help with stuff etc.

I totally understand the need to feel supported, but safety, infection control and appropriateness win this one hands down. Bit weird for the nursing staff as well. 'Excuse me Mr x, could you shuffle over a little so we can check your wife's catheter/stitches/wound etc'
There are few circumstances when it would be ignored I would guess, a close family member who is terminal and young children in distress.

Perhaps lying in bed together cuddling might have made some of the other patients uncomfortable?

It would make me feel uncomfortable, tbh. Especially someone's husband using a hospital bed for a kip, that's just weird.

Thehagonthehill not what this thread is about but i did ask and was promised a gown several times that never showed up and dp couldnt get me clothes as the roads were all shut down he couldnt even get home.

Im not sure whats hard to understand that other peoples circumstamces might be different to your own. We dont know why the op was in hospital or why she felt she needed physical comfort. Just because you can live with out it doesnt make it any less a normal human state of being.

Glad you were in a private room. Sounds a bit odd but at least others weren’t around.

I think it's odd to have anyone lie on the bed with you. It's hardly necessary.

Are you 10? Stop being a baby, theres a reason for not allowing you to share a bed but unfortunately your ward nurse didn't explain very well, one cross contamination, a bed is for the patient! , the beds only hold up to a certain weight unless it's a special bariatric bed for super obese patients you dont really want to break it.

Of course nurses can go shopping in their uniform if they have come out of work and won't be going back in

GeePipe I am so so sorry you lost your baby. It sounds like you had abysmal care though - I know you say you think your doctor was lovely but by encouraging your OH to get in your bed she was putting you at risk of infection - imagine having a womb infection after a miscarriage. And to leave you in bloody clothes for 2 days without giving you a gown after repeated promises is beyond atrocious. You poor thing!

Can I persuade you to make a complaint? I've had a miscarriage and it's hard to see in that moment of abject grief how badly I was treated, but if you do complain then you may prevent this from happening to another woman.

It's inappropriate because you're receiving acute medical care, not because staff suspect you're getting up to hanky panky.

I'm surprised that you didn't twig that they might be concerned about a sick patient having another fully grown adult in a single bed with them while receiving hospital treatment - it's obvious that this isn't an ideal scenario, surely? In terms of insurance, infection control and general medical care, it's not likely to be helpful, is it?

There are different rules for patients and visitors. They usually have separate food and toilets from visitors too. I never sit on the DC's hospital beds - always in the chair, because I'm not the patient and the bed isn't for me.

Do you think the other nurses felt unable to confront your DH for some reason?

Yabu. It is strange to lay on a hospital bed when your not suppose to be in it. I didn't realise about the cross contamination as we often say on DM's bed as there's only one chair we've never been moved.
Though I won't again.

Infection control , other patients feeling uncomfortable. Why ??
Are you so joined at the hip he can't sit in a chair ?
Bizarre behaviour, I wouldn't allow it on my ward.

I can’t imagine being so scummy that I’d have sex in a chair next to an ill child 🤮 it makes me wonder what goes on in the minds of some people

Thank you glummy. Im thinking about a complaint as my care was atrocious. The hospital in questions been in local news several times for how dirty it is as well :(

Paeds nurse and you’d be surprised what some people think is appropriate on a kids ward in front of other kids and their parents!!

I’ve no problem with a parent lying with their child in the bed to soothe them or whatever. Other visitors however need to sit on visitor chairs. They don’t like being asked to leave whilst the patient is having a procedure either. Sorry but it’s not a spectator sport and many people are not good with blood etc so had a few people faint.

I’ve been in hospital many many times out with having my 4 sons and I don’t think my partner has ever ever got on or into the bed with me...I also would pity a nurse having to come and do obs whilst trying to dodge the extra person in the bed not to mention if there was an emergency trying to get extra sleeping person out of the bed could cause a delay.

I don’t agree with nurses who have been on a ward with potentially infectious patients wearing their uniform shopping etc. We change before and after - appreciate some places don’t have changing areas but the thought of taking my uinform Into my home with the kids without removing it is bad enough without traipsing round Tesco. There are community nurses though who wear theirs out and about but you don’t know what they’ve done that day or what infections they may have come into contact with.

I used to lay on the bed with a former partner after he spent months on a rehab ward post stroke. He lost the ability to speak and so I think the nurses understood the need for some way to be close.

When my son was born I had the misfortune of having to be in a bed next to a couple getting amorous. I know you probably didn't have any plans like that but it was awful for me and I think a blanket rule against visitors on beds is good for that reason as well as infection control