To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

[Amyarmadillo1990]

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

So the OP has stuck her fingers in her ears because she doesn't like the responses and is not reading the thread any further (although she did reply to another post straight away!).

No, I have never ever seen adults do this in hospital and it's against infection control measures - they don't like anyone sitting on the bed, never mind lying on it!

Do people really have sex in hospital beds?! Isnt that illegal and can get at least one of them removed from the hospital?

Beds are for patients. He isn't a patient.
Why can't people respect the NHS' property and rules. It's not an open house fgs

It’s not Land of Beds where you both need to test out a mattress! It’s a hospital bed for a single patient - really no need to have husbands and partners climbing on too for a nap and a cuddle. Not sure why you’d think it’s odd to be asked for him to get off, tbh!

DH was in hospital overnight in connection with his high blood pressure. I lay beside him and we both snoozed off, no one seemed remotely bothered.

What on Earth is wrong without grown ass adults who can’t bear not to be attached at the hip at all times. You can go a few days or even weeks without sharing a bed with your spouse FGS. It’s a hospital- for treatment and recovery. Not a hotel, not your own bedroom. The fact it’s a single bed should be the biggest clue that it’s for the patient only. Also, if you’re in pain from surgery the last thing you should be doing is squishing a second person into your sleeping space. You’re just inviting further injury.

I've not read the replies but when I'm ill I don't want anyone near me. I certainly wouldn't want them in the same (single) bed!

I can assure you that no level 3 or 4 NICU have such lax infection control. General visitors are not permitted (siblings under 16 not allowed in winter due to infection control). Only parents and grandparents were allowed in and grandparents had to be signed in / no more than 2 people at incubator at one period

I can assure you they do. I was involved in drafting a policy to be adopted across the MCN, it was to be largely based on the largest level 3/4 unit in the network which did not have such stringent visiting policies. Any visitors accompanied by the parent is allowed with maximums set locally according to space limitations.

The level 2 unit is still an outlier and refusing to accept the policy which is now in place at all units. It still limits visiting far more strictly than the policy at the rest of the network. Their reasons are due to their judgement of the types of families they tend to see most often in their unit. They believe these visitors are more likely to cause trouble so restrict to family only. They believe if they don't restrict it, people will turn up en masse and take over the unit causing disruption. Putting an "infection control" label on it means they don't have to say that. (Except to us, round the table when we were drafting the policy)

It isn't an infection control issue. If all visitors follow handwashing and illness protocol, it doesn't matter if they are my husbands granny who we barely ever saw but had a right to visit, or my sister who was not allowed in the ward.

Buggies not permitted past a certain point on most NICU

Not the case in our MCN. It depends on space. But it isn't an infection control issue, otherwise they would be banning wheelchairs too.

I can’t imagine being so scummy that I’d have sex in a chair next to an ill child 🤮 it makes me wonder what goes on in the minds of some people

Oh, she seemed quite proud of it, just added a wee blush emoticon, like it was cute. Said the door locked so it was apparently okay to shag in there with your ill infant sleeping.

That's grim yuck ! Still a random bedpan tipper should sort them out

Why does her age matter? Why do your ages matter?

I do think you’re being unreasonable yes but also hope you’re recovered soon. You can have a big cuddle when you get home!

Our hospital has a policy that says partners ect are not allowed to lie on the bed with patients.

However, after my c section I did let DP sleep next to me after 2 days of him being in a chair and he didn’t want to leave me and DD but he looked absolutely exhausted. A midwife came in just as we was waking up from a sleep and said she had come to discharge us earlier but left us to sleep so that midwife in particular didn’t have any issues. Can’t speak for the rest though as I’m sure as it’s policy he would have been reminded at some point.

I actually replied earlier but also needed to say I’m amazed anyone can sleep in hospital!

Yes, I would definitely have asked him to get off the bed, for infection control purposes and it’s just inappropriate. Visitors should not even be sitting on the bed. Far too many visitors taking liberties in recent years. As to the age of the nurse , what possible relevance is that ?

Do you sit on his lap in the waiting room too?

As I see it, @SexlessBoulderBelly in your DP's situation, if I was on the staff I'd think that he was a lovely partner and new dad but he obviously needed to sleep! I'm glad that the midwife took pity on him. I think that if the hospital staff are happy with it and there are no other objections, then crack on.

If there are objections from staff or patients and you're sarky about it, then that's wrong in every way.

The majority of hospital staff are probably to scared to say a word for fear of abuse and worse that comes from some people having to be told to how to behave in a hospital

When I've been in hospital or been visiting someone in the last few years, visitors weren't even allowed to sit on beds,let alone lay on them. I can totally understand why your husband was told to get off the bed. Apart from the issue of infection control,I think a couple laying together on a bed may make other people feel uncomfortable.

The majority of hospital staff are probably to scared to say a word for fear of abuse and worse that comes from some people having to be told to how to behave in a hospital

You have only to read comments on threads like this to see that's likely true - 'I'd tell them to fuck off/tear them a new one/etc'.

I’ve been a patient in NeuroHDU, Neuro ward, A&E this past year. I also work in a hospital.
At no point did I see, or consider it allowed, for anyone but me to be in a bed. I was too poorly to have anyone that near me for a whack of that time.
In the area I work, we have clear signs that only the patient is in/on the bed, and visitors sit on the plastic chairs.
It’s a bonkers expectation that your partner, or anyone else, is in/on the bed with you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sorry GeePipe,you should complain officially if you weren't given a gown after asking.We need people to complain to make management take notice and to stop this kind of thing happening again.

From the OP I imagined you as a much older couple, Harold and Hilda type with matching anoraks, having a nap in the afternoon, but you're 30! You're young and joined at the hip with your partner, who needs to lie down on a hospital bed with you. A hospital bed is for patients not visitors! You want to know he's close, well isn't the chair next to the bed close enough?! God people are so entitled.

Two words from me OP

Grow Up

@Lizzie030869 I agree, I was a bit worried when I invited him to lie down with me as I knew the policy said no, but he was so tired and I could see he was struggling but didn’t think nice bag an eyelid to pick something up for me, go and get me tea and toast, change multiple nappies, change babies clothes. I think in the situation where the one in the bed is pretty immobile like I was then it should be allowed that they have something more than an armchair with wooden arms should be allowed.. although I do understand that the NHS can’t and shouldn’t have to fork out to provide such things, but if both printers are happy to share the bed then I don’t see why that’s a problem.

Tbh there were a few cranky midwives that made me feel abit scared to be ‘caught’. One batted my hand away when I reached out for help getting up the day after my section then told me she wasn’t going to help me, I had to do it by myself.. her tone was awful.. she was probably as tired as my DP!

How can it be for infection control?
Medical staff wear the clothes outside of the hospital.
Then you have the patients in their pj's standing outside having a smoke.
People like me when physically able to and not attached to anything, getting showered and dressed into clothes every day, and wandering around the hospital grounds. When I went back on ward I didn't change back into pj's.
Would often have various medical people sitting on the bed whilst they took my blood.
Then you have the visitors in and out all day who don't use the hand stuff as they enter/leave wards.

And thankfully, when I've been seriously ill I haven't been in the private hospital. They don't have the equipment needed, hence you find hospitals might have a ward dedicated to the private patients.

It's not fair on staff to be hesitant every time they walk into the room/open the curtain, and wonder if the couple is going to be fucking.. You say you wouldn't and was above the covers etc, the couple in the next bed to me had all the same bs excuses. Didn't stop them from fucking in that bed one afternoon. 5 minutes later the volunteers would have caught them, instead, they were caught by their equally shocked relative.

However, end of life I couldn't give a monkeys, the whole family could be on the bed for all I care. Although I have found end of lifers and their families a lot more considerate to those around them whilst they wait for a side room to become available.