To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

[Amyarmadillo1990]

So I’ve been in hospital a couple of times over my adult life, twice when I had my children, both times during labour my husband would lay on the bed with me,
Mostly we would both sleep, then I had an operation a few months back and before the op whilst I was in pain he would again lay next to me, either to cuddle me or just to talk but it was just nice to know he was right next to me when I was so poorly. Recently I was taken into hosp again, really poorly, never felt so horrific in my life. I was in tears a lot of the time and just an all round mess. My husband was working nights but he still came to hosp every day to see me. Every day we would both lay on top of the covers and sleep, during my stay we saw many nurses, sister of the ward etc and no one said anything. On the last day, a nurse younger than us came into do my obs, and yelled at my husband to get off the bed as it wasn’t really appropriate. When I asked why, as we were only napping, on top of the covers, she said it just doesn’t look very good does it’
We’re 30 and married, what exactly doesn’t look good about it? It’s not as if we were naked 😂
I’m just wondering if this is an actual rule, and if so why it’s been allowed before, I’ve seen lots of partners lay on beds during the times I’ve been in hospital! Or is it up to the nurses to decide or was my nurse just having a bad day that day? 😂 genuinley curious! Hoping I don’t have to go into hosp again for a loooong time but just want to be up to date on bed rules just incase 🙈

For everyone not understanding the infection control aspect- why do you think we have signs up to wash hands on entering wards, why staff and visitors are to gel their hands, oh and @ffswhatnext staff do not wear uniform outside or should not be. We are expected to change when we arrive and change for home. That is very strict where I work.

Not intimating that there was anything sexual going on with you and dh but my mum who was a nurse in the 60s is full of stories about men coming into new mums for their conjugal rights.

I absolutely agree with this nurse and I’m a bit surprised you can’t see that you need to fit in and have boundaries in an open ward for different medical and social reasons.

It's a frigging hospital - not an hotel; you can have hubby cuddlz when you get home. The apparent age of the Nurse is irrelevant - she has a job to do - I'm an oldie btw.

In your 30s and need him in bed with you while in hospital. Please.

1. Infection control
2. The bed has a safe working load and it's not made for two
3. I'd be really uncomfortable if you were in the bed next to me, with your DH.

In terms of the infection control issue, when my DD has been in hospital, I've been encouraged to lay on/in the bed with her to help settle her if she's been distressed. I was staying in with her and barely left the ward as I was a single parent and she wouldn't be left on her own. But when my parents visited I did pop out for some fresh air and her little sister visited too and they had no problem her sitting on the bed with her. I just wonder why all of that was allowed, and encouraged in some cases, of infection was a concern.

It's fine for two adults to be on it in the bed if one of them is dying. Otherwise not at all.

AIBU To wonder why my husband couldn’t lay on top of hospital bed next to me?

Because he's not a hen?

I can’t work out how two thirty year olds can fit side by side on a hospital bed. How tiny are youse OP ?

I understand the point about infection control, but I don’t understand why so many people apparently working in hospitals believe there’s something weird about a married couple wishing to lie together on top of the sheets to give some comfort to the one who is ill. It’s not sexual. I find it very disturbing that there’s such a lack of basic empathy in the people staffing hospital wards.

I get why in general this is a bad idea but re safe working load for the bed, this is just nonsense. You can't know many engineers if you think they'd allow a bed out of the design blocks with a max working load of only two average-sized adults before collapse/breakage!

This is the sort of behaviour that would never have happened with a strict matron on the ward. It’s inappropriate.

Very surprised he was allowed to do it so often.
Notices up everywhere at our local hospital telling visitors to stay off the patient's beds.
I would understand if you were a child that required comforting but an adult on an adult ward?

What’s the nurses age got to do with anything?
You come across as precious.

Its infection control. Cant believe some people are so bloody clueless.

Seriously, this not a child or someone dying. I was in bed with my child as her vent was pulled by necessity and she died. I could not do so before as she was in ICU on vent and drivers and all sorts. It's not the same thing at all.

It's infection control. I'm a nurse and I'd make him get off too. I'd feel totally uncomfortable with a couple spooning.

I have never seen two grown adult cuddle on a hospital bed op it’s just weird. The only circumstances I would find anyone but the patient being on a hospital bed acceptable is in end of life care if nurses say it is allowed and will not hurt/ cause discomfort to the patient or a young child as long as the parent is not in the was of any care the child may need. As you are neither an end of life patient or a young child is and your dh are being very unreasonable and I’m surprised you both thought it was ok.

Beds are for patients only, unless end of life, children or learning disabilities etc. Of course the reason stated is infection control and it does help to reduce cross contamination. But mainly it is highly inappropriate.

It may not be sexual but it is definitely intimate; 2 adults on a single bed would be quite a squeeze, you probably would need to spoon so as not to fall off. I’m an experienced nurse in my 40’s, I’ve seen it a few times. Mainly youngsters who can’t bear to be parted. But I don’t tolerate it, the visitor can sit in the chair and hold hands. It’s just not appropriate on a hospital ward. It’s not just about the patient and their loved one but other patients and the staff too.

You're in hospital and your husband gets into your hospital bed with you?
You are a grown woman on a ward with your husband cuddled up on the bed beside you?

Seriously wise the hell up.
Who wants to be looking over at you two spooning or cuddling!

Very inappropriate

Just grow up and have a bit of respect
It's a hospital not a hotel
Save your precious cuddles for home fs

Can't get over this
Joke city

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. Had this last time I was in hospital, woman in bed next to me had her partner on the bed all day every day. Snoozing, spooning, whispering, giggling, generally making me feel like I was intruding just by being there. Weird af.

Infection control, making other patients feel uncomfortable, unsafe!!! You are so entitled. Why the fuc**k do you think very sick random strangers would be okay with this?

Infection control, .0r incase the weight of you both broke the bed, or incase you both being squashed into a single bed caused drip lines to be pulled out, etc and because beds are for patients

But mostly because it's going to make it weird and creepy for other staff and patients who are in the same room if you and your husband are spooning together....it's a hospital, a public place, people don't want to see that,

Also as an adult woman why is it not enough for your husband to sit in the chair when he visits?...why do you feel you need him in the actual hospital bed?

I can top this one. I'm a midwife and in our unit partners can stay overnight. Rules are no babies in bed with Mum if she is asleep, for obvious safety reasons. We had a couple who were told if you feel tired please put baby back in the cot. Whilst checking round ward in middle of the night we found the Mum and partner in the bed with the baby in between. You would not believe what goes on in maternity wards now. I've seen the husbands asleep in the bed whilst the woman sits out in a chair overnight and if you say anything the Mums just say oh he's tired hasn't slept for 24 hours. Bloody hell we even provide recliners for the partners to use. Beds are for the patients end off.