Just been treated to not one, but two

[Tyrozet]

Unsolicited dick pics.

Sadly from DPs best friend. I messaged him to see how he's doing and somehow he thought this was appropriate. I thought he was joking when he said he was going to send one.

I've laughed it off and turned off notifications for his messages now. I don't know if I should tell DP or just leave it. He's having an awful time just now as it is, but I'd be really upset if I thought he was looking at pictures of another girl in a similar vein.

Also I want to delete the pictures but I don't want it to look like I was trying to be secretive if/when it comes out.

We see this friend once a year. He's older than DP and DP looks up to him somewhat.

Should I just delete/ignore?

This exact situation happened to me @Tyrozet. DH's long standing friend messaging me whilst they were on night out. Before anyone says this is weird I've known him 20 plus years.
First it was jokey then he got flirty then came the dick pics. Absolutely unsolicited.
I told DH next day and he cut all contact with "friend ". Turns out he had done it to other friends' partners.
I felt guilty and violated for ages .
to you OP. Its horrible.

Can’t believe you’d even consider not telling your partner. I’d consider it a huge betrayal if DH hid inappropriate messages from me, however unwanted they were.

I’d reply to the mate, “please don’t send me any more pictures of your dick, frankly it made me feel ill” and copy your partner in.

Ugh, I hate this. How am I the one feeling guilty?

Yeah, strangely, this is how it seems to work. Women feel guilty for the wildly inappropriate things men do.

Woman: how are you?
Man: quickly sends multiple dick picks
Woman: I clearly have done something wrong, better not tell DP
DP finds out anyway, is mad at Woman, not Man.

This is stupid, but easily plausible. OP, please do not blame yourself for things done to you by men.

Have you told your DP?

Firstly sign him up to a number of gay websites and use this as his profile pick!!!
Seriously though I can never understand the thought process of sending out a dick pic, especially to a someone your not in a relationship with.
I think you need to tell your DH. If not he could see as a green light and send more rude messages and than you may be trapped as you didn't mention it at the outset.
I can understand you want to protect your DH, but this isn't your fault and the repercussions of not saying anything could be much worse.

'Friend' is going to realise he's been a totally over boundary and common decency stepping creep. He may contact your dp first to ensure he gets his 'side' in before you do. That you encouraged him or flirted with him when you saw him - that he was testing you - that he meant to send it to someone else but you blocked before he could apologise etc. He'll try and turn this round in you. Tell dp asap. Keep all evidence. This situation and how dp feels about it is not of your making!

You should have immediately told him off and said it was inappropriate, not laughed it off. Now he’ll think it’s acceptable and may continue with this revolting and disrespectful behaviour (to you and your husband).

I’d text him this morning to say how disgusted you were to receive them and tell him to never ever pull a stunt like that again. And obviously share this with your husband. You can decide the way to deal with it together. Hiding what happened is the worst thing you can do.

You do need to tell your DP.
If he already has a lot going on then don't make a big deal about it but he must know about it.

Why do men do this?
They are not even remotely attractive.
And that is the out there forever more!!!
It's sooooo 'ick and gross.

I must admit when I was OLD on my profile in capitals, it states, 'if you think sending a dick pick out on the WWW is a good idea then you are not for me - swipe left!'

Ugh, I hate this. How am I the one feeling guilty?

Because you're a woman and anything to do with sex always ends up being the womans fault for some bizarre reason.......

Have you managed to talk to your DP yet Tyrozet? Love the user name btw.

I've messaged DP and told him. No response yet. He wasn't at home last night so haven't seen him since I got the message.

I don't think its strange to message DP's friend. Before now we have always got along well and often chat back and forth either via facebook or on the phone and I thought nothing of spending time with him without DP being there.

I'm not going to say anything else to the friend. I stopped the conversation last night and I think going out of my way to start back up with an angry message will make things worse. I'll takk to DP about what he wants to do.

that was the correct response OP. Well done.

This isn't your problem to solve.

This, by @crosspelican '*You have to tell your DP. The dick pic was a “power move” to isolate you from your partner by creating a secret between you and this man who was pretending to be your DP’s friend. It gives him leverage over you “do this or I’ll tell your DP you and I have a sexy secret...”. The fact that you have considered NOT telling your DP, even for a moment, shows you how effective this is.

Tell your partner. Don’t couch it in an apology (“I’m sorry but I messaged your friend and...”) but as a statement of fact - “Brian just sent me a dick pic - two, in fact - on purpose. I’m not going to ask you to bring it up with him - I have given it the attention it deserves by ignoring - but he is out of our lives for good now. I can’t believe he turned out to be such a creep after all this time.”*'

Don't just laugh it off. You need to distance yourself from this man. It's up to your partner if he wants to do so too.

Well done, OP.

It's a shame that this friend has turned out to be such a wanker, but some friendships aren't meant to last forever.

Good for you, OP. I’m glad you told your husband. The chances are, your husband already suspects that his friend has a creepy side to him and you’ve just confirmed it.

Good work, Tyrozet - I know that was hard. It's horrible how we're so conditioned to blame ourselves for men's bad behaviour. You've done the right thing - also in not responding, despite the many fab suggestions on here!

Good call OP.

Have you replied to nob man or just ignored him? I think he's trying to get at your DP somehow. His best mates Mrs. It's like the ultimate betrayal.

Not something that you should be telling him in a message imo. Face to face would have been a lot better.
Now hes got to go through work etc without getting to talk to you about it.

Good job OP

Of course you should tell your DP. Whatever else is going on in his life he needs to know the kind of man his friend is.

Sorry, just seen that you have already as I missed a page. A message isn't ideal, but better to have let him know.

I don't think it matters how you told him personally.

If it was my partner I'd just want to know.

Well done for telling him 100% the right thing to do.

This is a violation and a kind of verbal assault. It is a way of asserting power and threat over a woman. The state of Texas made sending dick pics a misdemeanor and for once I say good for them. www.newsweek.com/texas-digital-sexual-harassment-law-1457132

Well done OP - it is right that you two stand together and that you both know this about DP's old friend. You are a team!

It might distress DP to think of you having this sent to you. + It might distress him to know this about his old friend.

However

It is a huge positive to have a wife who clearly does not keep such secrets from him.