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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just been treated to not one, but two

185 replies

Tyrozet · 22/01/2020 04:11

Unsolicited dick pics.

Sadly from DPs best friend. I messaged him to see how he's doing and somehow he thought this was appropriate. I thought he was joking when he said he was going to send one.

I've laughed it off and turned off notifications for his messages now. I don't know if I should tell DP or just leave it. He's having an awful time just now as it is, but I'd be really upset if I thought he was looking at pictures of another girl in a similar vein.

Also I want to delete the pictures but I don't want it to look like I was trying to be secretive if/when it comes out.

We see this friend once a year. He's older than DP and DP looks up to him somewhat.

Should I just delete/ignore?

OP posts:
Vulpine · 22/01/2020 09:16

Definitely tell dp and i would threaten to the sender to tell the police. Ive never been sent a dick pic in my life

DarklyDreamingDexter · 22/01/2020 09:18

Your poll isn’t clear whether to voted YANBU to tell your DP or YABU to be offended! Both! Tell DP ASAP, block his friend and let DP have words with the dirty bastard.

Ponoka7 · 22/01/2020 09:20

This is now a criminal offence. Accept this and it could escalate. I wouldn't be alone with him.

Of course you've got to tell your DP. Personally I think this should end the friendship. You definitely shouldn't have contact with him.

If your DP has low self esteem then he might minimise this and you should then take charge.

Don't protect this man, or think you're protecting your DP by minimising this, he doesn't need this man in his life.

AngusDuck · 22/01/2020 09:20

Anyone who is saying that it’s weird that OP messages this friend is being weird themselves.

It’s completely normal for adults to be able to extend and form new friendships with their DP’s friends. If you don’t trust your partner to be able to hold a normal conversation with your friends that won’t lead to anything further, you shouldn’t be with them.

It doesn’t matter who’s friend they were first, it matters if the parties concerned are trustworthy. This bloke clearly isn’t.

AngusDuck · 22/01/2020 09:22

And yes OP, definitely tell your DP. It could massively backfire on you in the future if you don’t.

EC22 · 22/01/2020 09:23

Not telling your parter is weird and looks suspicious.

blutoo · 22/01/2020 09:26

Just raise it with him - like 'are you joking? this is really inappropriate, please stop.

Then raise it with your DP, but no point making a huge thing about it - it's your DP's decision what to do next with regards to his friend.

Flavarings · 22/01/2020 09:32

Definitely tell the friend that it isn't acceptable or ask if it was meant for his girlfriend as you're not wanting them/asked for them?
Also tell you DP, if he found out from the friend that they was sent and you didn't tell him, it could end up causing more issues

LagunaBubbles · 22/01/2020 09:33

I wouldnt even consider not telling, it will come out at sone point.

Obligatorync · 22/01/2020 09:35

No tell your DP ASAP. Protect yourself and him.

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 22/01/2020 09:36

It shouldn't even be a question. You tell your DP and you make it clear to the Dick that if he does anything like this again you're going to the police (if you aren't willing to this time).

Stop feeling guilty. You didn't do anything wrong. You weren't 'looking' at another man. Another man sent you unsolicited pictures of his dick ffs. If this comes out later DH is going to be more hurt that you kept it from him than he will be that his mate sent them.

undercoveraessedai · 22/01/2020 09:36

Yup, tell your DP. you've done nothing wrong!

Sadiee88 · 22/01/2020 09:37

Block him.

QueenofallIsee · 22/01/2020 09:37

Tell your DP or it will become ‘a thing’ and it will ruin you. He finds out you didn’t tell him, he’ll think the worst of you. No matter what happens now, not telling him would be worse

FlaskMaster · 22/01/2020 09:37

You can't keep it a secret from your do, it will look really dodgy. You shouldn't be deleting anything until you've shown him what's happened. Think how you'd feel if it was the other way around, wouldn't you want to see the whole story? If you got half a story, with some deletions at some later date, wouldn't you feel a bit mislead?

Straycatstrut · 22/01/2020 09:38

Bleugh. Why do men think we want to see a strangers hairy nob sack like it'll get us going? Confused

If one of your "friends" sent your DP boob pics would you want him to tell you straight away? Do what you'd want in reverse. If it was me I'd keep them as evidence in case nobhead denied it, and tell my OH everything.

Straycatstrut · 22/01/2020 09:41

Sorry he's not even a stranger. That's even more wrong, he's supposed to be your DPs trusted friend. Tell him asap. If you don't said friend will think you're super keen, it's how their brains work.

Inherdefence · 22/01/2020 09:47

Tell your DP. A drinking mate of my DH’s came on to me a couple of years ago through a stream of FB messages. I was polite at first in case I was misinterpreting his messages but eventually stopped responding. I showed DP the stream when he got home (he had been away on business) and we were simultaneously shocked and amused at his mates gall (he is 25 years younger than us but also ‘not conventionally attractive’). We agreed not to say anything to this person but made a point of going to his bar together rather than singly for the next few visits and he has behaved perfectly appropriately ever since. I can only put it down to his drunkenly assuming (because he had seen me out and about on my own while DH was away) that DH & I had split up and so I’d be grateful for his attentions! For all I know he’d sent similar messages to half a dozen women that night in the hope of getting lucky.

Anyhow, the point is, my loyalty is to DH, not his flabby-arsed drunken mate and I shared this with him as I would any slightly troubling incident in my life. Hiding it from him would have made it feel more significant than it was.

inwood · 22/01/2020 09:49

I cant understand why any man would think that anyone would want a picture of their dick.

You need to tell him op, and pronto.

Why were you messaging him in the first place? He he seeing boundaries moving that you arent?

crosspelican · 22/01/2020 09:49

He didn’t send it to arouse her, he sent it to show her that he could. Same as men catcalling on the street - they’re not trying to compliment you, they’re reminding you of your “place”.

Either interpretation is equally gross though.

Definitely don’t keep something like this a secret though - this is what he wants.

YummyChipCurryDip · 22/01/2020 09:49

Why were you messaging dh's friend though? That in itself is a bit weird i think!

My thought also. Someone you see once a year? So 4 or 5 times thus far. I can't imagine why either.

crosspelican · 22/01/2020 09:51

That having been said, I love what @MasakaBuzz suggested -

“My God DP said you had a problem in that department. He wasn’t kidding. You poor sod”

😂

Urkiddingright · 22/01/2020 09:51

Definitely tell your DP, crikey. It will only make you look shit if he somehow finds out and you hadn’t told him. He also has a right to know his friend is a dickhead.

PhilCornwall1 · 22/01/2020 09:52

make it clear to the Dick that if he does anything like this again you're going to the police (if you aren't willing to this time).

OP has said the bloke is sadly in another country, so unfortunately could prove difficult.

Highonpotandused · 22/01/2020 09:55

You should have shown him the pictures. Are they in your deleted folder still?