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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just been treated to not one, but two

185 replies

Tyrozet · 22/01/2020 04:11

Unsolicited dick pics.

Sadly from DPs best friend. I messaged him to see how he's doing and somehow he thought this was appropriate. I thought he was joking when he said he was going to send one.

I've laughed it off and turned off notifications for his messages now. I don't know if I should tell DP or just leave it. He's having an awful time just now as it is, but I'd be really upset if I thought he was looking at pictures of another girl in a similar vein.

Also I want to delete the pictures but I don't want it to look like I was trying to be secretive if/when it comes out.

We see this friend once a year. He's older than DP and DP looks up to him somewhat.

Should I just delete/ignore?

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 22/01/2020 07:44

I think I would just bring it up quite matter of factly, but also concerned.
“Hey love, I’m a bit worried about Steve, he’s being a bit weird and just sent me a photo of his bits. Really bizarre and doesn’t quite sit well with me.”

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/01/2020 07:49
Flowers
Biscusting · 22/01/2020 07:50

Upload to Facebook and tag him in it 🤷🏼‍♀️

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/01/2020 07:50

Crosspelic

Good suggestion for way to tell the DP. Must be bloody mortifying!

Why is it that women always end up carrying the embarrassment and guilt for me's inappropriate behaviour, and feel to uncomfortable to mention it? I was the same myself when I was assaulted (many years ago) - I felt responsible for his behaviour.

I wouldn't now, I can promise you - with age comes "bring-it-on-you-sleaze-I-couldn't-give-a-fuckness-if-I-publicly-shame-you"

WineOrGinOrBoth · 22/01/2020 07:52

Absolutely you tell your dp. He’s trying to drive a wedge between you. Gross.

MasakaBuzz · 22/01/2020 07:55

Surely the appropriate response is “My God DP said you had a problem in that department. He wasn’t kidding. You poor sod”.

anothernamejeeves · 22/01/2020 07:55

Why were you messaging dh's friend though? That in itself is a bit weird i think!

This

kateandme · 22/01/2020 07:56

ask yourelf how you would feel if one of your friends sent a naked pic to him and he never told you

PhilCornwall1 · 22/01/2020 08:00

Upload to Facebook and tag him in it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Like that's sensible and legal.

PhilCornwall1 · 22/01/2020 08:01

We have a laugh together (the three of us) and yes there's the occassional flirty comment

Why flirty comments to a friend of his. That's weird in my book.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/01/2020 08:02

Tell your partner as soon as possible. The more open and honest you are the worse the friend looks. Well that's what I hope, I actually think he will be full of sad excuses and/or 'I thought it was what she wanted'/'it was a joke'.

thedancingbear · 22/01/2020 08:02

'I've just been through my partner's phone and found that my best friend has been sending my wife dick pics. She never said a word to me and I can't see any responses'

-the assumption on here would be an affair and that subsequent messages had obviously been deleted.

You need to be very careful to protect yourself op.

Christmaspug · 22/01/2020 08:06

If you do nothing it’s a green light to him that you want more ..nip in the bud ASAP

Christmaspug · 22/01/2020 08:08

Perhaps he thinks you fancy h8m as you have been texting him..he’s your dp friend ,so it’s odd u would text him.leave that to yr dp.
I’d text the owner of the penis photo ,err yuk ,why did u send me that nasty photo ,and then show dp,your message back

justilou1 · 22/01/2020 08:11

Send him unsolicited pics of microscopes and tweezers

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/01/2020 08:11

justilou

Grin

(BTW OP - don't, but it is funny)

Cryingoverspilttea · 22/01/2020 08:12

If it was real life it would be flashing and sexual assault. Sending it as a photo is no different. I'd be wondering what type of person my DP was too if he had a best friend like that.

Zaphodsotherhead · 22/01/2020 08:12

Show your DP the WHOLE conversation, not edited. Show him that you didn't 'lead his friend on' (as I am sure he will say you did). You can only do this by not deleting ANYTHING. Shine a light in on this disgusting behaviour.

thedancingbear · 22/01/2020 08:13

Send him unsolicited pics of microscopes and tweezers

I think this has been suggested in jest but I actually don't think it's the worst idea.

mathanxiety · 22/01/2020 08:23

The 'friend' has put both you and DH in a horrible position.

If you don't tell DH about this and it eventually comes out then he may be suspicious that you and the friend were flirting in a ghastly way. Or that you were trying to protect the friend at the expense of honesty and openness and trust in your relationship with DH. That the two of you were doing something behind his back - he would be right to the extent that you and he were engaged in keeping a secret from DH.

He has put DH in a horrible position because presumably if they are such good friends he knows what DH's life is like right now, that someone close to him is facing a terminal illness, that he is not doing so well. He chooses to drop this little grenade into DH's life. Some friend.

The bottom line is you need to be loyal to your relationship with DH by telling him about this. You need to trust DH that he will be able to handle what has happened. There is nothing to be gained by keeping this from DH except the protection of a pervert, and much to be lost in your relationship.

ApacheEchidna · 22/01/2020 08:25

reply to him angrily. what the fuck is he thinking sending pictures like that. that is not ok.

tell your DP and if he doesn't drop this so-called friend immediately then tbh he is probably just as bad and has probably sent his own dick pics to other women.

OhNoMyCheds · 22/01/2020 08:30

Tell your DP. Do it as gently as possible. Will it show on your messages that something has been deleted? Does he know that you message each other?

Unfortunately many men see friendliness from women as a sexual invitation. If he’s older that would definitely fit the profile.

PhilCornwall1 · 22/01/2020 08:33

tell your DP and if he doesn't drop this so-called friend immediately then tbh he is probably just as bad and has probably sent his own dick pics to other women.

I'm not seeing how you can possibly draw that conclusion.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/01/2020 08:34

@PhilCornwall1 come on you must have known this would quickly turn into an 'all men are cheat' thread Grin

OhNoMyCheds · 22/01/2020 08:36

When I was with my ex, my now DH and I would message all the time. From my side it was all platonic and my ex would often read our messages, with no reservations from me. DH has since told me that he would write things in our messages and think it came across as overstepping the mark massively. When he told me I looked at him with a blank stare as it had all gone over my head completely. So your DP’s friend may have convinced himself you have had a bigger connection than you think you have and gone all guns blazing with the gross indecent exposure. Although how on earth people are meant to find those photos a rousing in any way is BEYOND me. 🙄