I'm 43, DH 57, would you criticise us for TTC?

[Oldoryoung]

Been together five years. I have DS from previous marriage, now aged 13 & 9.
I always wanted 3/4 children. Exh was abusive, I divorced him and they visit EOW.
Me & DH would dearly love another. He has none of his own, but his sister died (single parent) leaving DC late teens and he is / like a parent to them.
He is 57. I am 43.
Is that too late to TTC or look at IVF?
He is planning to retire next year, we can manage comfortably (not fund managers but we live in the north and had a house each 😂).
His DF is 89 and lives independently, my DP are still working in their 70s and my gran lives independently aged 99, 100 this year.

I don't see a big problem for children having older parents

Despite many posters on this thread, who actually experienced it, talking about the significant problems they faced.

@BushyPoo Indeed, that post is striking and yet it has been largely ignored.

I'm not sure judge is the right word, but I do think it is unfair on the child. I have several friends with older parents, it is challenging for them. Some of their parents have died before they've even finished high school (which can happen anyway but is more common in older parents). Others are struggling to provide support and care for older parents whilst they have very young children at home themselves.

It is certainly not a decision I would make.

@Broken2020 I'd say at 76 it's 50/50 those fully independent and those requiring some level of support. I work in adult care and whilst the majority of our service users are over 80, a large number are over 70. 70 is the age at which most people take a downward turn.

@TestingTesla I did too in the past, and in Uganda too. I've also been to Turkey to help with a project for Central Asian women, run by a close friend of mine. I miss that life, though I still help her with emails.

It was all good experience, despite getting malaria and also finding a scorpion in my bedroom. And a rat once, too. The other place I stayed in had cats.

@Sakura7 DC ever saying 'They stole my life' about their parents is heartbreaking. Something that should not be forgotten or brushed over.

Dh was 62 and me 42 when latest DD born.

Sorry this is wrong, very wrong.

What you envision and what will actually happen are two different things though aren't they

That could be said about everyone.

Dd has 2 friend who have lost both their young parents. One set through drug overdoses and one couple through cancer linked to their smoking.

My grandmother is still alive and she is 104

The level of delusion and denial of ageing and mortality on this thread is astonishing. It's lovely that some of you intend to defeat the ravages of time through sheer willpower, good luck with that

DD has 2 friend who have lost both their young parents. One set through drug overdoses and one couple through cancer linked to their smoking. My grandmother is still alive and she is 104

Let's not let statistical facts get in the way of good anecdata

@Oliversmumsarmy
Unfortunately your gran living until 104yo only has a small bearing on how long you will live.
Seeing that the average age for dying is under 80yo for men, I would say it’s likely that the OP’s dh is likely to die before he is 80...
He is also more likely to have developed some illness before he is 70yo.

Harsh but true.

Incredible isn't it pachyderm? Sure we'll all skip happily into our 90s, fitter than we were at 21

I accept people do have children mid forties, I've known some even when I was at school and the children were much loved but they were conceived by accident. It's beyond me why someone would choose to have a baby so late and in the op's case, she has two children still at home and her husband is in loco parentis for two. Isn't that enough? They are blessed, some people can't even have one.

Life can be very good when the kids have flown the nest.

All the females in my family have reached 100 except great grandmother who died in a factory accident at 18 when grandmother was 2

With no father (died in WW1 before she was born) she lived with her 2 aunties who lived to be 100+
My mother’s generation are all still alive, all in their 80s

I think genetics, exercise and a good diet have a lot more to do with how long you live than luck

I'm 35 , DH is 56 next month , together 3 years , married almost one , our daughter is one in March , I struggled to conceive, met DH and fell in love, he is such a hands on father , I have thought about the fact that when DH is 70 DD will only be 15 however I am relatively young and also consider the fact that nobody is guaranteed tomorrow, anybody on heres DH without trying to sound morbid could leave for work tomorrow and not come home , if your in good health then go for it

commit to staying youthful, actively keeping the years at bay, and promoting good health. Good diet, exercise, good haircuts and skincare regime, no smoking and minimal sun exposure

Oh give over dictating to people how they should lead their lives. If you are "early 30s and feel old, with an 11year old!" then you're the one who needs to change your diet and start exercising. And you've mentioned you're quite frumpy - do you think you should get a good hair cut ...

Surely though if your DH is 57 now at your age allowing a year to conceive and nine months pregnancy he would actually be no younger than 59 when a child was born, sorry I do think it’s unfair on a child to satisfy you right own desires

'Despite many posters on this thread, who actually experienced it, talking about the significant problems they faced.'

I actually experienced it too.

"think genetics, exercise and a good diet have a lot more to do with how long you live than luck"

Genetics IS luck surely?

And if statistics mean nothing, let's see if the bank gives me a 30 year mortgage when I'm 50.

Also a good point re how many banks would write you a 20yr mortgage at age 58

Wrong. Divorce leaves a lot of people in their 50s needing a mortgage and plenty of banks are happy to provide them. My brother just got one.

I dont think you are but I saw someone say your partner will be 75 when the kid is 18. my grandfather is younger than that and I'm 25. it sucks but I dont think its fair for child to have a parent that elderly at such a young age, sorry x

The comments about it 'not being fair on the child' to have an older parent are a little surprising to me. I look at my friendship group, mostly older parents, and I see how brilliant the parents are every single day.

They're fit, active, fun and patient. They're kind, funny, loving and have tons to offer their kids. To single out 'but they're older' when they are such fantastic parents is a bit one-eyed.

Anyway, as I've said upthread, older parents are very much the norm here - 40's + is the most common age bracket, so these threads are always a bit odd to me!

@NeckPainChairSearch I'm sure they are wonderful parents to their kids and nobody is disputing that. What people are saying is that significant health problems can start occurring when the children are in their teens and early 20s, and that is extremely difficult for them to cope with so young.

40's + is the most common age bracket,

43 is just about fine. 57 is well old.

Thank you the couple of posters who picked up on my post. A lot of the rest ignored as you only want to hear what you want to hear. You are selfish. You are doing it for you with no regard for the child and their life.

@NeckPainChairSearch The ops husband is 57. Not in his 40s . And is to old imo