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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

smoking

388 replies

Hopex3 · 18/01/2020 22:56

AIBU to think smoking if you have children is an incredibly selfish decision? having a debate with a friend who claims as she does it out of sight of her children it is not and she is entitled to a vice as she devotes her life to the children. from my view, it can cause illnesses, costs money that could go on other things for the family and quite frankly isnt a healthy thing for a child to be around (will still be on clothes/hair etc.) even if they dont see it? think I feel strongly as I remember as a child putting a cushion over my face to avoid the smoke from my dads 30 a day habit - I really do think its revolting

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Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:21

2020vision10 you say that but majority of this thread has been me defending myself as opposed to the actual initial point. I accepted a while ago in this thread the majority havent agreed with me

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spongejack · 19/01/2020 22:21

@Hopex3 you stated you stopped smoking due to fertility struggles, you intended to get pregnant whilst smoking? Is that true?

The rest of the post I have no understanding of, its gibberish! Apart from I'm not the bitch her, but you are!

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:22

spongejack I wouldn't expect you to understand it, go elsewhere not conversing with you on this anymore ta ra

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spongejack · 19/01/2020 22:24

spongejack I wouldn't expect you to understand it, go elsewhere not conversing with you on this anymore ta ra

Is that like I'm leaving this thread about six hours ago?

Get a grip, get your lazy smoking DH out and stop projecting on other people HUN!

Smartanimal · 19/01/2020 22:27

Smoking around anyone is selfish. YANBU.

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:28

Oksunny I didnt say I was perfect, but in this scenario and on this topic me and a friend got into a debate/argument one that she initiated by going on a rant knowing I dont like smoking. if this thread has shown me anything there is certainly a better way to spend all our time. even I'm starting to loose brain cells trying to work out what point were on now. cant be bothered to keep fending off some of the quite frankly cruel comments I'm getting now by people who are clearly jumping on the bandwagon. you're all the same people who will be on someone who is asking 'I am pregnant and still smoking' or 'i smoke 20 a day and cant afford things for my kids AIBU' and giving them shit, i have literally seen a few names on here who were on a person who asked that exact question about being pregnant and smoking and gave them grief Hmm strange

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spongejack · 19/01/2020 22:28

Oh and @Hopex3 why haven't you answered my direct question?

Bit awkward is it?

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:31

spongejack I already stated that it was selfish of me, what more do you want you spade

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SquareAsABlock · 19/01/2020 22:31

@Hopex3, so is it just the poor fuckers who smoke who are selfish then? Ah, I feel better now. Obviously being a smoker who can afford it makes me a better class of selfish dick.

Retroflex · 19/01/2020 22:31

And to add to all the things that have been "added" "my partner is extremely selfish for smoking - I dont argue that atall, it upsets me greatly that he smokes. he knows its selfish though and wouldn't ever claim it was anything but" earlier she was telling another poster that they had split up... HmmBiscuit

BackyardChickens · 19/01/2020 22:32

What a mess.

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:33

Retroflex this is why you shouldn't comment on stuff you dont know about. they was talking about my partner I was with in the summer lol, that post was put up ages ago last year...I'm not with him anymore but thank you for being so so invested in my posts that's not creepy at all

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spongejack · 19/01/2020 22:34

What more do you want you spade? WTF is that?

I expect you to have empathy and not judge others, you stopped because of fertility issues, you would've carried on poisoning your child and sit in judgement over a pair of shoes? Whilst you allow your DH to poison your child, and say it's fine a she had good shoes! YOU SPADE!

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:35

spongejack what on earth are you going on about?

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Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:36

spongejack fine one to talk about empathy, using fertility issues to further a point about whether or not its selfish to smoke..some strange logic on here. yet I'm the bully Grin

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Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:39

I said she told me she couldnt afford shoes for the kid but still smoked 20 a day which I thought came across selfish

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OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 19/01/2020 22:47

OP, yes, I get a little OTT on some issues that relate to something in my life or history as well. Sounds like your friend's stance hit a trigger for you.

That's not to say I agree with you BTW. And my point still stands that you are being selfish to stay with a smoking partner when you object so strongly to it in principle when there are children to consider. But that may be a whole other thread.

Retroflex · 19/01/2020 22:47

@CherryPavlova "t can also be said to have an indirect impact on society more widely (for instance, fire services need to be called out to incidents caused by smoking" I think you'll find that if you were to research that properly, you would find that alcohol would be involved in fires, but don't let the facts get in the way because it doesn't suit your agenda Hmm

"A child having to watch a parent die from lung cancer isn’t nice" I've personally watched people die of allegedly "smoking related" lung cancer who came from a family wherein nobody smoked. Yes it is a factor, but it's not the only factor/cause of lung cancer, again, don't let the facts get in the way of your agenda though Hmm

"That might be financial for counselling" so is everyone who is receiving counselling and support for mental health problems a drain on the NHS funds? Or only the children of dead smokers? Ridiculous comment...

Again, your "think tank" estimated figures including the fire brigade, which should be discounted for any alcohol related call outs for fires caused by cigarettes, so just void that, can be compared with the actual amount smokers pay in taxes, to find the NHS.

Smoking isn't selfish, it's personal choice, it's not a this or that for everyone, as the drip feed would have you believe. And I'll ask again, how do you propose to fund the NHS if the revenue from taxation on tobacco were to suddenly stop?

ShakeItUp · 19/01/2020 22:49

Bing, bang, bong. Grammar and spelling police to aisle 14. Aisle 14 grammar and spelling police. Thank you. Bing bong.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 19/01/2020 22:50

Retroflex this is why you shouldn't comment on stuff you dont know about. they was talking about my partner I was with in the summer lol, that post was put up ages ago last year...I'm not with him anymore but thank you for being so so invested in my posts that's not creepy at all

So this partner is new? And you knew he smoked and you still brought him into your children's lives?

I had a smidge of understanding, thinking he was the father and been smoking since before they were born. But come on!

I'm a non smoker (never) and smoking is an absolute dealbreaker for me, it's just a flat no. And I have a good income and no kids to worry about either.

thebluearsefly · 19/01/2020 22:51

Can we nominate this for classics as “The thread that won’t fucking end”

MidnightCircus · 19/01/2020 22:52

Driving causes pollution which affects others. So is driving selfish?

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:55

MidnightCircus I think that's a whole other thread lol. think this one needs to be wrapped up now, its exhausting

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Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:57

BuzzShitbagBobbly I'm not going into it with you over my family situation and whether or not I'm with the biological father nor the circumstances of us being together

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Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 22:58

it doesn't change my debate with my friend and whether I think smoking if you're a parent is selfish

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